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𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

disclaimer —
i have done and continue to do strenuous research on these conditions in order to get my portrayal correct. i suffer from OCD and mild depression myself, so i have interpreted my experience with it into my portrayal of natasha. i'm also not saying she concretely has these conditions, but it explains her character sometimes and i think it's accurate enough to headcanon her with these. also, everyone's experience is different so bare that in mind as well!

if you notice anything wrong with my portrayal / have any of these and would like to further educate me, please do! i don't want to disrespect anyone since these are real things that people struggle with.

also, this chapter has a trigger warning for discussions of mental health issues. wanted to say this just in case.

if you do struggle with these or any mental health conditions for that matter, please remember that you are never, ever alone and there are always people there to help, support and love you. <3

PTSD —
post-traumatic stress disorder, a mental health problem developed after experiencing traumatic events. natasha's is linked closely with her traumatic childhood and experiences in the red room, the things she saw and the things she was forced to do throughout the time she spent with them, as well as her life as an assassin. her symptoms include:
• vivid flashbacks - she gets images in her head like she is reliving her trauma, specifically of things that happened in the red room. they cause her to zone out and slip into numb states.
• nightmares - recurring nightmares that leave her jolting awake in cold sweats, hyperventilating and crying.
• distress upon reminders of the trauma - smells, sounds, words etc can all trigger her trauma. it will send her back to those dark places and provoke pain, numbness or distress in her.
• disturbed sleep / lack of sleep - links with her nightmares and paranoia. not only is she vulnerable and more available to be attacked, but the possibility of being plagued by nightmares also keeps her awake.
• hypervigilance - being extra aware of her surroundings at all points, making mental notes of entrances, exits in buildings, constantly having to know where she is and who she's around. links closely with her OCD (see further below).
• avoidance - keeping herself busy, avoiding anything that will remind her of the trauma, feelings of numbness and detachment, repressing those feelings and pushing away memories.
• difficult feelings - deep trust and safety issues. she's reluctant to open up or allow herself to rely on anyone else. feelings of being under constant threat or that someone will turn their back on her or use her trauma against her.