empty spaces ~ armin x reader

chapter six // half of me

Historia looked genuine and it reminded me of the girl she used to be, but still different. She was no longer playing an act.

"Missed ya, Krista!" Connie winked.

She picked up a potato and gently peeled it back. "It's Historia."

Everyone went back to their jobs and a quiet chatter picked up. Historia showed Eren how to actually peel potatoes and Mikasa helped Jean carry in a bag of flour that we would use later for bread rolls. Sasha placed the cup on Armin's head and made a bet with Connie about how long it would take him to notice. Eventually, the potatoes were finished and went in the broth. Hange came in and gave Armin some tips and insisted he add some mysterious herbs to "experiment with the flavor". Sasha came up behind Hange and took the herbs out of her hand. She bit the plant off the stem and chewed it.

"ADD THIS!" Sasha insisted, her eyes watering.

With Sasha and Hange both pushing him, Armin gave in and added the plant to the soup.

"This is probably going to taste awful, y/n," Armin whispered to me as everyone left to set up the table.

He was right, it tasted disgusting. We gave up on trying to digest it after the first mouthful. Hange glowered at her bowl, disappointed in her failed experiment. Everyone shoved their bowls towards Sasha, who unsurprisingly ate every bite.

"The soup is even better this way!" Sasha groaned between gulps.

She ate the rest of the soup in the front doorway, drinking it right out of the pot with a wooden spoon. We sat around her and gazed at the nearly nonexistent sunset. Connie placed his head on her shoulder and I did the same on the other side. I sat between Armin and Sasha. Holding the pot with one hand so it wouldn't spill, I fell asleep between my best friends and thought that nothing could ever pull us apart.

Hands gripped my shoulders and shook me gently from my slumber. I blinked a couple of times and saw Armin standing over me. He looked clean and put together in his green uniform. My eyes were swollen and my cheeks were sticky from dried tears. Nothing about me was put together. Armin knelt beside me and I stared at him. He was trying to figure out how I was feeling, but there was nothing. I felt absolutely hollow.

The blurred surroundings sharpened as I dug my nails into the dirt below me. My head still rested on Sasha's gravestone.

"I was worried about you. I think it might rain soon," Armin pointed out, lifting his eyes towards the dark cumulus clouds.

I didn't say anything. I didn't even move from my position leaning against Sasha's gravestone.

Armin was holding something behind his back, but he used his free hand to settle himself in the soil next to me. I hugged my legs to my chest as he scooted closer to me, pulling the hair stuck to my cheeks away from my face. He turned away from me and leaned his shoulder against mine, playing with the grass left around where her grave was dug.

"You know what Sasha loved?" he asked out of the blue, breaking the silence in the graveyard.

"Food," I answered, feeling a tear leave a trail on my cheek.

"Clearly," he joked, but neither of us was in the mood to laugh. He cleared his throat. "Y'know, it's been a while since I've actually gotten the nerve to cook something. I guess seeing everybody choke on their food the last time they ate something I made kind of ruined the whole experience for me. But Sasha couldn't have enough of it, so I thought I'd try it again."

He nudged my knee with something warm. I looked up and glanced at the container in his hands.

"You hungry?"

He didn't wait for a reply as he pulled back the covering and pushed a spoon into my hand. I didn't do anything and he sighed.

"Y/n, when was the last time you actually ate something?"

Silence.

"Thought as much," he frowned. "You think I'm just going to let you starve yourself to death?"

I let my legs drop and he placed the bowl between us. I reluctantly wrapped my fingers around my spoon. He guided my wrist to the bowl and watched me scoop up a potato chunk. He did the same and we both took a bite at the same time. The flavor wasn't that bad at first, but then the aftertaste kicked in.

"That's just as terrible as I remember," I grunted amusingly.

Armin's eyes watered. "Why did I spend all morning making this? It's horrendous."

I snorted and dropped my spoon back in the bowl. "I think tasting that once was enough times to last a lifetime."

Armin nodded and didn't say anything after that. I put the bowl in front of her gravestone so neither of us would have to smell it anymore. I closed my eyes and imagined her happily devouring every bite and telling us to cheer up like she would've if she was still around.

Footsteps carried their way to the grave and another figure sat down. Mikasa wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and face as she leaned her back against the stone. I could see the tears her scarf absorbed. Without making a sound, I placed my hand over hers. Her fingers held mine tightly. Her grip was strong and I held on as we mourned our lost friend.

The circumstances of Sasha's death were too ridiculous to bear. Everything leading up to that gunshot could've been avoided if we had only been more cautious. She was murdered during our retreat. Our victory slipped out of our grasp and left us in a cemetery.

The shouting pierced my thoughts and all I wanted to do was bow my head and cover my ears, but instead, I jumped to my feet. Niccolo was at the entrance of the graveyard getting harassed by some veterans.

"Your kind killed most of the people in this cemetery! If you have any remorse then leave immediately, Marley scum!" the man hollered, shoving Niccolo to the ground forcefully.

"Niccolo!" Connie exclaimed, chasing towards to scene and grabbing Niccolo's arm.

Jean stepped forward and faced the men assaulting Niccolo. His stance was grounded with rage as he fought with the men.

"-you're being disgraceful! There are people trying to mourn here so put your damn prejudice aside and be respectful!" Jean fumed.

The men were not pleased with the fact that Niccolo was still there or that we were defending him, but eventually they packed up and left. Niccolo picked himself up and we all walked towards the grave. The soup was knocked over during the rush and dumped into the dirt. Potato chunks scattered around her stone. It looked fitting. I doubt she would have preferred it any other way.

Niccolo set down a bouquet of sunflowers in the dirt. "So she was shot during the retreat by a little kid?"

"It wasn't just a little kid. The girl had years of training," Mikasa explained, expressionless.

"She was a warrior candidate," Armin elaborated.

We stood around, looking down at her resting place. Rain sprinkled from the sky, dripping down her flowers and gravestone.

"Sasha and I were like twins," Connie began, wiping the rain off his neck. "It feels like half of me is gone."

I felt tears drip down my face like the rain. Hearing that from him took everything out of me. I had no words of comfort. Nothing to fill the empty space at our table.

"I hope the stars look after you, Sasha Braus. I know you have lots of friends by your side and I'm sure others are on their way," Jean supplied, his voice breaking. "Tell Marco I miss him."

I knelt down and gave her a final goodbye.

"I will see you again someday, Sasha. I'm so sorry we couldn't save you."