Just like that

Look up

_ Wake up , sweet heart . 

       What was that voice , was i dreaming , i must of have been dreaming , i cant remember anything , when did i sleep , what time is it , everything seemed blurry , and i felt so dizzy .

_ Wake up , princess , come on 

     i could feel a cold hand on my face , i remember this feeling somewhere , somehow , was it Ash ? why cant i open my eyes , open your eyes suki , open your eyes. 

_ What .. wha.. what happened ? 

_ Hey , sweety ,its me your mum , remember me ? 

      It was mum , i can see her , she is here with me , i turn around , my neck was hurting me really bad , and there is Ash , sitting on my bed , it really was his hand on my face , i knew i could recognize that feeling , i look even further and see dad sitting on my desks chair looking at me ... I just remembered , 

_ Mum , You came , i really missed you , ... by the way i had the weirdest dream ever 

          Words were barelly coming out of my mouths , i felt paralized.

_ I dreamed that someone called dad and said something about Samas coffin , .... just ...just thinking about it makes me sick ...

        Every second that  passing by , new memories came to my  mind .

_ Wait ,, Ash ? what are you doing here ? , and why am i laying in bed at mid-day . whats happening? 

     My dad then stood up and came to me , he held my hand the way he always does,and looked at me ...

_ Suki , there is something i need to tell you  ... it wasnt a dream , what you saw, it wasnt a dream , you passed out after answering the call . 

       I looked around and Ash was holding mums shoulders , she was crying , he was too ... what is happening ? ,, deep inside i knew exactely what was going on , but i refused to surrender to the idea of loosing him , no, there must be an expalanation ..

_ He is dead. Sama .... Sam is dead ... 

     Dads tears are falling , i didnt know what to think , my mouth couldnt move , i felt empty , i could feel the hot tears on my chin , they just fell down , my heart was crying , i wasnt moving, i kept believing , it cant be , it cant be . 

_ When ? when ... are you saying he died ? how ? 

_ A month ago , he died the day before your mum left ... she knew you wont be able to pull yourself together if you knew, she didnt want you to ruin yourself , so she left , 

        Mum then interupts dad . 

_ I know that ... i wasnt the perfect example for a good mother , but i refused to see my daugher ruin herself in such sensitive part of her life ,... So i left i went to a hotel and stayed there for 3 nights , i cried and greeved for my sons lost , ... i knew that your final exam was two months away, and that it is your ticket out of here, so i didnt want you to ruin it ..

_ What the hell is wrong with everybody , nothing you say makes sense .. ??? 

_ I know that ,, i know , it didnt make sense for me either at the beginning , but ,,, i lost my brother when i was your age sweetheart , i never told you before.. but ...i ...at that time tought about suicide, i couldnt live without my older brother, that period of time was the worst of my life, i had my finals in one week ,and i didnt pass , i eventually spent the rest of my life greeving over his death that i lost myself ,and killed my soul  ... i lost control of my emotions and forgot what it felt like to love or to be loved ,.. 

_ its a joke dad , Ash probabely made you do it , right ? .... If it was real then who was i talking to during last few days , if it wasnt Sama ? ha , you missed that part unfortunetly .

           while mum was talking, dad brought his computer and put it on my lap , a video just started playing ... It was Sama , he was wearing a weird hospital dress but he looked amazing , I miss him , i miss him so bad , if only he could be here and cut this crap ... the video started playing :

    '' Hey sis , um .. if you are watching this then that means i am dead ,and that dad and mums plan didnt work as they expected , i am so sorry for not letting you know about my sickness , i just couldnt , i enjoyed being your hero , i enjoyed being your brother that even i didnt want to give up to the idea that i might be leaving you soon , remember the day i left when i huged you , i asked you not to ever forget about me , i knew that, that day would probabely be the last time i see you  , but i couldnt show you loads of emotions so you wont be worried, ... um ... ha i cant believe i am crying and am not even dead yet .. hahaha. so ..um i was diagnosed 5 years ago sis , i refuse to tell you what my sickness is , so you would always remember the healthy , funny me , Dont worry it wasnt painfull as much as you think , i just want you to know that ... that... i love you , i love Zac, i love Yane , i love Ash , and i want to thank him for taking good care of you as he promessed , i know he wont break his promesse.I gave mum my facebook password before  i left  , i asked her to talk to you , take this opportunity and get to know you better, mum isnt that bad suki , she is a mother after all , and leaving you for the past period was so you wont mess up as she did , i wish you could understand and accept my lost sister, i ... i love you so much , and be sure that i am always always around you , i will still be your tissue and punching bag ,  i am not giving up on you , i know that i lied about coming to russia for school, i came actually to get treatement , but its not working just like .i feared.... remember , i love you , i miss you , i am protecting you , goodbye sister , and :

 , Everything is going to be fine , it always does, it always has to ...  Carry on with your life , make me proud and remember what i thought you , always , always ....Look up ''

       I run out of words as the video ended , it was real , he is gone , that explains why mum left us , and why Sama stoped cam chating with me , it was mum not him ... that explains why Ash was sticking around alot , why he burst in tears last time , he probabely thought about Sama and couldnt stop himself from crying . Everything is now clearer , i kind of felt relief , a soworful relif. ..

    He is gone , for real . i wont see him again ? How can i not see my brother again ?  just thinking about it made my heart tear into pieces.... the truth was too much for me to handle . 

         He is gone .

Just one more part to go guys, cant wait to upload it tomorrow <3. Thank you for reading.