Hey Monday

k n o w i n g

"What. Is. This." I said again, enunciating each word. 

"Let me explain," Kate said hurriedly. "After you guys kicked me to the curb, I was mad. I was furious. But I think that deep down, I was just embarrassed." She paused and took a breath.  "So I did all this stupid stuff, I don't even know. I tried to make it look like I had a plan, but I didn't." 

I shrugged, not following. "Still don't get it. Why are Sarah and David here?" I looked into Kate's car again, where David was playing a game on his phone apathetically. "The entire point of me going on this trip is to get away from Oregon." 

"I'd been emailing David for awhile," Kate sighed. "We all came because we wanted to apologize to you." 

"Do it, then." 

Kate jogged a couple feet back to her car and pulled David from his seat. I swiveled my head around and saw Morgan, Logan, Evelyn, and Noah all sticking their heads out of different RV windows, watching. I laughed, not even bothering to stifle it. 

David walked up to me and looked me over (particularly focusing on my boobs). He was a tall guy who was on the basketball team with Noah. The weird thing about David was his torso; it was so long. Some people have long legs or long arms, but David's torso was bigger than the average person's. It was something I would laugh about with Noah sometimes, but looking back on it, I don't really know why. 

"Uh, hey, Ellen," David muttered. He rubbed a hand over his scruffy face uncomfortably. "I, uh, I'm sorry for that night at Victoria's." His voice was getting quieter and quieter with every word. "It was really wrong of me," he whispered. 

I raised my eyebrows, somewhat dumbstruck. David was the kind of guy who was always surrounded with a pack of friends, laughing and being boisterous and obnoxious; so to see him all intimate like this was sort of unsettling. 

"You mean, for ripping my bra off with your teeth while I was beyond drunk and then teasing me relentlessly about it for the rest of my high school career, essentially making my life a living hell?" I pressed. "Is that what you're sorry for?" 

He nodded. Didn't make eye contact. I felt like I was reprimanding a six year old for taking an extra cookie. 

"Get back in the car, David," I muttered. He left. That was the last I ever saw of David McNally. 

Sarah tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around to face her. 

"I have something to admit," she said sheepishly. "You know that video footage of you going topless at the party?" I nodded. "I'm the one that took it. And I'm the one that spread it." 

My mouth dropped, but I quickly closed it. Without a second look in their direction, I turned back to the RV and walked away. 

Once I got inside, everyone bombarded me with questions, but I kept my eyes trained in front of me as I walked to the back and quietly swung my curtain closed. Deadly calm, I took my notebook out from under my mattress and began a new entry. 

• • • 

A little while later, I had explained to everyone what happened and politely asked them to leave me alone. All of us were a little unsettled, but Noah agreed that if we wanted to make it to the house by Christmas, we'd have to hurry. 

We didn't have a long way to go. Our trip was nearly over- we just had a final stop in New York City and then we'd go straight to Maine. It was a wild ride, that was for sure. 

"Hey, Ellen," someone said quietly, entering my room. I looked up. It was Logan.

I smiled a little, twiddling my thumbs absentmindedly. Logan and Noah had a way of making me happy with just their presence- something constant and steady. 

"Hey, Logan," I replied. "How's it going?" 

"Not bad," he replied, sitting down on my bed next to me. He slung an arm over my shoulder and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "And how are you?"

I shrugged hopelessly. "You know, I've been better." 

"Me too, Ellen," Logan replied. "But I've also been way worse. I mean, this was your dream, wasn't it? You're in this RV with your best friends, heading far away from Oregon at sixty-five miles an hour." 

I smiled. "True." 

We laid in silence for a little while, just being with each other. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, and neither of us felt the need to say anything, because our kind of quiet was not empty. It was big and full and beautiful. 

I was in a pair of black sweatpants and a grey v-neck, my hair tied into a standard ponytail. Logan was in a plaid button-down and some jeans. Our legs were intertwined as we simply enjoyed the time we were spending together, and it was good. 

"Logan, this has been crazy," I whispered. "Thanks for... being there and everything." 

"Don't mention it," he replied. "I love your friendship, El" 

I sighed. My relationship with Logan was exhausting sometimes. I never knew exactly where we stood- I mean, we acted like lovers, but he had never formally asked me to be his girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't. We were hovering dangerously in an uncertain grey space. 

"What are we?" I asked, turning to him. I could smell his breath, his minty toothpaste floating out onto my face. 

Logan shrugged. "We're just whatever." 

I narrowed my eyes. "We're whatever?" 

He realized his mistake, quickly scrambling to fix it. "Er, no, Ellen; that's not what I meant. We're whatever you want us to be, you know?" 

"But a relationship is two people," I argued. "It shouldn't be just up to me." 

Logan scratched the back of his head. "Well, I... I don't know. Noah just texted me, he wants me up front. I'll talk to you soon, okay?" And then he left my room in a haste. 

I wasn't stupid, I knew what he just said was straight-up bullshit. Logan had lied to my face in an effort to get away from me, and I'll admit that it stung a little. But instead of following his sorry ass up to the front and busting him, I was confused again. 

As soon as I tried to get a straight answer out of Logan, he'd become uneasy right away. I didn't know why- was it me that he was uncomfortable with? Or was it just the general idea of a relationship? I couldn't blame him either way. I was a firecracker, and relationships were pretty terrifying. I mean, you're either going to marry the person or break up with them. 

People were the worst things on this planet. The entire day had just been a continuous stream of people interrupting my life and ruining it. I couldn't help but dwell on what had happened.

Who knows, maybe Sarah had a reason for taking the video and spreading it. Maybe Kate had a reason for coming back and apologizing to us. Maybe Logan had a reason for not being able to commit to a relationship. I'd never really know for sure, but I tried to forget about it and live in the now. The past was the past, and I had one hell of a future to focus on. 

(A/N): Okay, wow, I haven't updated in forever but I hope at least some of you guys are still with this story... I was looking back on it, and I think everything with Kate is so stupid- I don't even know why I wrote her in. She's such a stereotypical mean girl and I just hate that.  I'm going to do some editing and completely remake her character, it'll be way better.
Actually, speaking of that, I'm unbelievably excited to rewrite this story. There are some MAJOR plot lines that I need to redo. So this story will end before June, and be done with the editing phase by June 30th. There's only two more chapters and an epilogue left! Thanks for reading (if anyone's still out there) and I hope you enjoyed.