Chapter 7)
Here I was again, about to have sex with Ashley Horne for the second time in two days. I could get used to this I thought.
His hands slowly moved down my back. I wanted to moan with excitement, but I didn’t give in that easily. I waited until he got down the whole of my body before I shown any signs of pleasure. I rolled him over, and started to go down on him. I got on with what I was doing.
A while later I was finished, ‘’wow, that was, fan…tastic!’’ he said out of breath. ‘’yeah, you know it’’ I replied, I kissed him on the check.
I jumped out of bed to go grab a drink, ‘’oh, is that it?’’ he said, sounding quite upset. ‘’meh, maybe…maybe not, you will just have to wait and see’’ I winked at him.
About 5 minutes later I came back with a can of diet coke, he looked at me funny ‘’why are you drinking diet coke? You’re skinny and perfect enough already!’’ he said, I smiled ‘’I’m not drinking it to be skinny silly, I drink it because I hate normal coke!’’ he laughed ‘’well that’s alright then! Now get that fine ass back into bed’’ I couldn’t help but laugh.
I jumped back into bed, it was probably about 10 o’clock now and I was really tired. But anyway, Ash started kissing my neck, it was perfect. He took off my bra and pants. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we started to passionately kiss. He rolled on top of my, he picked up the pace, I grabbed onto the bed sheets, letting out little moans, but they was getting louder and louder, un-ladylike I know but at this moment in time I couldn’t care less, this was amazing, I didn’t want it to stop.
After that, we just lay there for a few hours just talking. ‘’So Ab, if you don’t mind me asking, how come you self-harmed and erm, when was it?’’ he said in a really caring voice. I just kinda lay there, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say, we’d just had great sex and now he’s trying to talk to me about my past? I felt really sick.
‘’oh, Abbie I’m sorry’’ he said sounding upset, ‘’I didn’t mean to be nosey or make you feel awkward, I just want you to know I’m here to talk to’’
I smiled to myself and kissed him on the cheek ‘’it’s okay Ash, I just didn’t know what to say, I’ve never really told anyone the true reasons, I’ve always felt ashamed and that people would judge me’’ I had to hold back the tears. ‘’look Abbie, I will never judge you okay, in my eyes you are perfect and fuck anyone who say’s you’re not! We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want, but I’m here for you!’’ he said as he turned on the light to look me in the eyes.
‘’No, I do want to talk about it, but I’m not really sure how’’
‘’it’s okay, just take your time’’ he smiled at me, he was just so perfect.
‘’Well, when I was about 14 I was with this lad, and like we was together a year etc and we broke up and he basically said so much horrible shit to me I just could not take it, he wold call me fat, always put me down, and I mean he was the one that ended it and I never understood why he was so bitter to me about it, I was depressed for about 6 months after the break up, he made all of my friends fall out with me, I had no one, I started to hate myself, feel like I wasn’t good enough so I started to cut myself. After that I started to believe all the shit he would say to be about me being fat so I’d make myself sick, I hated myself and everything I’d become I just wanted it all to stop, but then things started to get better, I was back friends with all my old friends and everything was just looking up, it sounds so silly now but I just didn’t know what to do, but everything is better now and I’m happy again, sorry to just dump this all on you, but yeah’’
After I finished I just burst into tears, it felt good to let it all out though, Ash didn’t say anything, but I didn’t expect him to, he just held me tight and we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
