Wasn't suppose to be this way

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~~~~~~~~~~~ fristys view

When he left i stayed sitting there. I felt my heart crumble into a million little pieces. "Why does he hate me?" i thought as i sat there letting tears free fall from my face. I felt so lost. Guys could be so cruel. I shouldn't have put my heart in a strangers hands.

Finally getting the nerve to stand up i left his place. I didn't have a car and i had so much pent up frustration that i just ran. I couldn't stop running, feeling the burn of my calfs and my lungs as i ran all the way home. I couldn't look back I just wanted this day to end. Running up the steps to my apartment i collasped on the front porch. Laying on the cool cement i cried myself to sleep.

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The room was spinning, it was a grey room, everything i saw looked grey through my eyes. There was a piano in the right corner, and a big heart shaped bed in the left. There was a man sitting on the bed and he was lightly calling my name waving me over. I couldn't make out his features. All I could do was ramble about my pain. I told him i had to go.

The room disapeared and i was riding in a jeep. I didn't recognize the driver but i knew i could trust her. I just had that gut feeling. The jeep was grey of course. Everything was grey. Every building we passed, every street we turned. All I could feel was pain and an urge to run away. "is this what its like to live inside a brokenheart?"I thought to my self. I wanted to wonder futher into nothingness. I wanted to escape the pain but it was everywhere.

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My head was throbbing by the time i woke up.  My eyes felt heavy and my heart felt numb. I realized i was back in my bed and I didn't remember how i got there. Looking at the clock it was 2 am. My alarm clock had a sticky note ontop of it so i got up and stumbled over to read it. It read " Your welcome, hearts can heal, I am Always watching" Out of nowhere i started crying. I cried so hard i started to hypervenilate. Why did everything want to slowly torture me? Why couldn't someone just want me to be happy.

I sat on the floor. I couldn't bring myself to do anything else. I was weak from running across town and crying my heart out.I was lucky I had enough adrenilen to make it home. Feeling tired again i crawled over to my bed and hopped ontop. I layed my head down on my pillow and fell asleep, never wanting to awake again.I didn't dream that night, my mind was tired of thinking, tired of feeling anything.

When i woke up it was five oclock in the afternoon. I sat up in bed trying to get myself together. When i felt composed i walked into the bathroom and took a long hot shower. When i got out i dried myself with a towel and put whatever shirt i could find on and whatever pants felt the looses. I ended up in a baggy give blood t-shirt and some sweats. I brushed my hair and put on flip flops, i was ready for another lame ass night.

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On my way to work the next morning i was being to feel alot better. The sun was shinning and i had actually picked out my clothes. I was wearing a black tank top with gold letters saying "rockin it". I also had on skinny jeans and some killer black heels. "Nothing could bring me down today" i part thought and part hoped.

When i was in the building i decided to take the stairs. Running the other day made me feel stronger. I need a reminder i could be strong. The stairs weren't so bad, other then me tripping every fifth step and having to hold on to the gaurd cautously.

When i made it to my desk I sat down without looking at anyone. Even though they didn't know i was hurt, i felt like facing someone happier then me would make me break. content, just have to try to be content.Turning to my work I focused on getting through the day.

At noon i went on my computer to check my messages. I got one from hailey saying she was having a blast and how she missed me. I replied trying to sound like i was having enough fun here. laugh my ass of my body and into the trash can. I most definatly was not having fun, the day before yesterday was a fairytale, yesterday a nightmare, and today not fun. I looked through the rest of my messages. Most of them were spam. I had one message though that i didn't recognize. I opened it and it read a simple "im sorry."

Instantly i knew who it was from. His dad probably gave him my email which he got from my boss. I wished i never met him. He obviously thought he was too good for me. Maybe he thought i was a pig. Maybe he thought i wasn't pretty. I will never know, only that i wasn't worth getting to know. Furious I took out my phone. I had to confront the jerk.

*ring ring ring*

" please leave a message after the beep...beeep"

"You are a jerk. How dare you act like for one second you liked me, I may not of been good enough for you but i have feeling. YOUU JERKFACE! YOU SNORE! YOU YOU...RRRRR!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE! " I  yelled. Hanging up the phone i felt embarresed. How crazy i must have sounded. He was probably laughing at me right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' Glens view

I listened to that message over and over and over. How could she think that that was what i thought. I was the one who wasn't good enough. I was the one who couldn't be what she needed. I wasn't worth trying. She was right, I am a jerk.

Picking up my phone from my jacket pocket i dialed her number. I just wanted to tell her the truth but when it got to the inbox all i could do was hang up. It was just cause more unnecessary pain. Putting the phone back into the pocket i walked away. Away from the building where she worked. Away from the bench outside where i had been sitting.