Meant to Be

Chapter 12

The tears that were gathering in my eyes finally escaped. I couldn't hold them in any longer. I didn't want to. I felt so bad for years and it was even worse now, standing before him.

"I just couldn't resist her." I sobbed. "I know that's not an excuse. I knew how much you liked her and I did it anyway. I just don't know what came over me and I tried to back off, I really did."

"You did a rather poor job." He lifted his eyebrows.

"I know. I...I don't know what to say. I know sorry doesn't suffice and I will do anything to make you forgive me. I know I am a terrible person and what I did to you might just be the worst thing I have ever done and I was selfish for doing it." I couldn't stop talking. Everything that I piled up, I just had to tell him.

"I was only thinking of myself. She intrigued me and she was so interesting and the way she was talking about dragons got me completely mesmerized and I promised myself that I would stay away because I saw where it was going but then she stayed behind too and I went to the kitchen to work and she came down and helped me and spent so much time working on it and then I brought out the Fire Whiskey and one thing led to another and..."

I stopped myself from talking. He didn't have to know the details of that.

"I just...I crossed the line." I continued after he didn't say anything.

I didn't even dare to look at him. I couldn't.

"I didn't try hard enough to stop it even though I knew how much you cared about her and I feel so bad about it. Trust me, Bill, I really do. I think about what I did to you every single day. And I know I'm a coward for not coming to see you sooner. I am sorry I needed so much time. I am sorry Rhylee was the one to tell you and not me. I'm sorry I have been neglecting my family because I was avoiding you. I came home last Easter just because I knew you wouldn't be there, for fuck's sake. What does that say about me?" I was hardly keeping it together.

I felt dizzy and I begged my legs to hold me.

"If I could take it back, I would. I would give everything to take it back. I felt bad before we even slept together. I don't know what got over me. She was just so different and something was pulling me closer to her and I felt as if I knew her for years. I..." I shook my head.

I couldn't talk anymore. I couldn't even breathe. I mustered the courage and looked up at him. He was still leaning on his desk, his arms crossed over his chest, but his expression has softened.

"Just punch me in the nose. Break it. Get it over with. I know you want to and we both know I deserve it." I wiped the tears off my face.

I had to look pathetic but I didn't care. I just wanted to know what I can do so that he will start talking to me again. So that he will start sending me letters again and tell me all about his day and ask for my opinion on things. So that I can come and visit him and we can sit down and reminisce on our school days.

"Oh, for fuck sake, Charlie." He breathed and pushed himself away from the desk.

He walked to me and pulled me in the tightest hug I have ever gotten from him.

What was he doing?
Didn't he just hear everything I said?
Why was he hugging me?
I didn't deserve his hug.
But damn did it feel good.

"I know you're mad at me and you have all the right to be. Just tell me what I can do? Just tell me that there is hope that you'll forgive me." I sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm not mad at you, Charlie." He sighed and tightened the grip around me. "I'm disappointed."

I pulled away and locked eyes with him. Of course, he was disappointed. I was an idiot.