Strings Of Fate

Chapter 16

"Keep telling yourself that."

—x—

Two hours later and Terrence was ready to surrender to the circus to never have to suffer this PowerPoint again. Toby repeated himself over and over again. Forcing Terrence to see pictures of what happened with things went wrong. It was long and meticulous. He was forced to answer several quizzes and fill out some paperwork about the stunt he'd pulled. Mostly promising never to do anything like it again without a harness on. At some point, Avalon appeared with tea for them to drink but disappeared just as quickly.

He needed coffee, not tea.

By the end of the ordeal, he was almost falling to sleep. Toby's hands rubbed over his shoulders and dug into his muscles. His talons traced the edges of his shoulders and his thumbs pressed on the centre of his spine. It hurt. Mostly because his muscles were tense after watching one too many people fall to their deaths or worse. Humans and hybrids alike, a fall from that high was not something people walked away from without signified injuries.

"Please, no more," Terrence groaned as a new slide appeared on the screen, slumping over and resting his head in his hands. He wasn't sure how to show "I was panicked, I won't do it again, please!"

"You're a lion. Your first instinct should not be to leap from a great height. It was a decision and we both know it."

"Cats land on their feet," Terrence muttered, wincing as the hands found a particular sore spot.

"That is an old wives tale," Toby scolded, but let go of Terrence and closed the PowerPoint down. He sat on the desk and studied Terrence. Terrence tried not to shiver under the glaze. Another person he'd considered family judging him based on information that was not fair. It was too late for this. Terrence looked down at the time but it wasn't midnight yet. Not for over an hour. Marquez would be pissed if he left the circus before that time. "You realise that if you'd wanted, you could have stayed at the winter quarters, right? You were an adult. We wouldn't have let Marquez hurt you or force you to come along."

"I wouldn't have been able to travel or see the world like I wanted to do,"

"Terrence, if you think people never duck out of the Grisham for a few weeks while Madame's not there to supervise, you are mistaken," Toby said. The feeling of being treated like a dumb kid burned in Terrence. He knew that. Sort of. It made sense but Terrence wasn't sure that was what he had wanted any more than staying with the circuit. "They would have made you check in regularly and you would have needed to be home before the circus returned in-between seasons but you would have been able to travel."

"Because checking in is the same as simply being free."

"We gave up freedom when we accepted the deal," Toby snorted, clicks in the back of his throat. "We are not free, we are pets."

"I was nine. I wasn't old enough to know what I was agreeing to," Terrence said, unable to stop the pout twisting onto his face. It was a weak defence. Completely true but the magic didn't care about age. He had agreed and his soul belonged to Madame until the sun was dust and life was no more.

"Old enough to know this was better than your previous situation."

Flashes of angry fists and belts invaded his mind for a moment. Terrence shuddered. He tried not to remember before too much. The circus loved him. He was treated with love and affection. They taught him how to perform, how to tend to the circus and skills that were far more useful to living than whatever they taught in schools. Some of the circus was dark, some of it was light but all of it was home. What was before was pain and suffering and not. What was now was hollowed out and a fragile imitation of what he'd built to replace what he'd willing left.

"It was," Terrence said, sitting back and looking at one of the posters they had hanging up in the office. It was an old one. Older than Terrence or Jaz. It featured an act of two seal hybrids who rarely came on the circuit anymore. They preferred to perform in the more permanent attraction that ran in Grisham. Their names were Cooper and Claire. Claire liked teaching children how to bake, not to cook but to bake for fun rather than for purpose. A dim longing for one of her cakes burned, or for one of Cooper's grilled fish sticks. They were neighbours to the cat's house. "I don't regret it, Toby."

"I'm not asking you to," Toby smiled but his eyes was sad. "I wonder what would have happened if we'd found you before it collapsed."

"I would have been able to resist the pull," Terrence said, unable to keep the dark certainty out of his voice. This had happened because he was too weak. The pull found lost souls looking for excitement, adventure and family. It was no wonder it had hooked him while he was grieving.

"Maybe."

Terrence yawned again and slumped more in his chair. "How angry would Marquez be if I go home early?"

"On a scale of one to ten, a solid eight," Toby said, head tilting back and forth as he thought it over. "He'd rather nervous to lose sight of you, cub."

"You know where I live and work," Terrence complained, debating if it was worth the risk. He didn't want to go to the truck. Even if it was a new one, he wasn't ready for that yet. Sleeping there would be like he was back on the circuit. He wasn't. He was playing a game that was going to lead to his heart aching from loneliness when they left but hopefully keep Daniel human as a result. He wanted to go to his comfortable mattress and newly cleaned sheets.

The worst Marquez would do was, well there were a lot of bad things Marquez could do. Ranging from roaring at his door and waking up all the neighbours to breaking into the house and kidnapping him, Terrence wasn't sure what would warrant want punishment for this offence.

"I get it, this is about control. Marquez is the ringmaster. I'm supposed to obey the ringmaster. I'm also awake later than I should be and not a member of the circuit," Terrence said, rapping his knuckles against the desk. "I want to go home. I shouldn't be this nervous or scared about going to my own apartment."

"Then go home," Toby shrugged. "You know the risk."

"Thank you, Toby. That is very helpful," Terrence said, standing up and heading for the door. Talons caught his shirt and tugged him back into a hug. Terrence froze for a moment before hugging back. He'd got more hugs in the last day than in the previous five years combined. His father loved him very much but he wasn't a hugger. The circus had no such issues. "I'll see you soon."

"I'm very certain that you will."

Terrence went home. He made no secret of it. The circus didn't stop him but there were looks of disapproval as he crossed the barrier line. He was not going to be scared to go to his own home. He closed the door. Locked it. And went to bed, collapsing into lavender-scented sheets that had a scent of Marquez and Sanvish from earlier in them. His blanket was warm, his apartment quiet with the windows shut. He was safe. He fell to sleep easy and deep. Not thinking too hard about the fact he hadn't seen Daniel all day.