Cold Hearted Bastard

Chapter 23

Snow, snow snow. It's been snowing for the past week in Pennsylvania and I'm not talking about the weather. Doesn't make sense? Do the math. I'd been numb for the entire week. I wasn't even sure I was still myself. Who would have thought I'd needed this? I tried to grasp the little pieces of me earlier in the week but the more I looked at her in the mirror the more I hated the reflection.

I always used to think I was a rational person. Did my studies, took care of my father, heck I even use to volunteer at the local orphanage. My life was perfectly normal and I should have been happy. Maybe I was at a point in time but part of me was probably always baseline depressed. They say childhood experiences really shape a person's life and maybe my life was always supposed to end up like this. What if this was the real me? The me who felt suppressed for so long that this was who I really was? I was lost before, I still am but I finally feel free. Part of me, the rational part, feels guilty every single time I do it but I know how to limit myself. Once I didn't take more than a certain amount I can prevent myself from getting addicted. Though I was becoming addicted to the feeling, and the more I allowed the drug to consume me the more I felt myself spiraling down.

Finally, I didn't feel a single thing other than euphoria. No responsibilities to worry about, no need to conform to the borders of society. Do this Wynter, be a doctor, give back to your community. Fuck that shit. I was tired of trying to please every damn body.

"That's enough Wynter," Aspen warned as he took the dollar bill from me. My head was already buzzing from the four- or was it five- glasses of scotch I had drunk before we ended up in the club's bathroom.

He hurriedly licked his finger and wiped at the remnants of the coke before shoving his finger on his gums.

"Oh come on Aspen, I know you have more," I teased, as I rubbed my hand on his cheek. He pushed it away, turning his gaze towards the wall.

"No." The coldness obvious in his tone made me cringe. Since I forced him to open my eyes to this whole new world of drugs, he'd probably said five words to me. I knew it was because I did it in the first place and he was pissed.

"You don't have to baby me, Aspen." Well, that was my assumption as to why he was still with me at the moment.

"I'm going back out to the party, don't follow me, handle yourself." It was curt and he didn't even look behind at me once as he exited the bathroom door. Alone. I heard the pounding of the music in my ears, its vibrations sending tingles through my body as the cocaine hit me. Alone and high. One week ago, I would have looked down on people in this situation. Fuck it.

Even though Aspen basically told me off and left me to fend for myself I could not help but giggle uncontrollably. That euphoric feeling swallowed me up, allowing me to forget everything even if for just a short while. My past, the present, and all the expectations that came with my future. I left the bathroom and scanned the dancefloor, hoping I'd see a familiar face other than Aspen's. I made my way through the crowd towards where I'd left my friends, well...Aspen's.

"Babygirl, I've been looking for you everywhere." Luca's hands cradled my face. He grabbed my hands and turned me around so that my back was facing him. He slid his hands down the side of my body, sending a jolt of electricity coursing through my body. The space between my legs was soaked, I knew that was a fact. Cocaine heightened every one of my senses. I just felt happy.

Dancing along to the music, I turned to face him, rubbing my hands against his stubble on his face as I felt myself grin. I closed my eyes, holding onto his shoulders for support, feeling them contract and relax as they moved to the music. My heart seemed to lose its regular steady rhythm and instead follow the beat of the electronica.