wedding vows; toji fushiguro

two. to have and hold

-

to have and hold

-

The house (Y/N) ended up buying was one that resembled her mother's dream home. It looked exactly like the one her mother would point out in the magazines, promising the two of them were going to live there one day, together. Although the other was not her mother, two people certainly moved into the home, her and her husband.

Neither had many things with them and there were many things to buy, like furniture and silverware, but they each had a futon and (Y/N) supposed that was enough. Their dinner on the first night was take out as they ate on the floor across from each other, not saying much other than 'pass the sauce' or 'can you hand me another tea?'.

When she finished her meal, she studied her husband as he ate, neater than she thought he would, wondering what kind of person the Zenin family disappointment was. Certainly, his stain on his family could not compare to hers, as she could not recall any stories that included the people around him dying like dominos falling.

"Do I have something on my face?" Toji asked, breaking her out of her trance. 

Perhaps if she had grown up without being called a curse, she would have blushed and looked away at the idea of being caught staring at someone. Instead, (Y/N) stared right back at him and said, "What was life like for you in the Zenin household?"

His eye twitched, telling her it was obviously a bad topic to bring up, but she persisted and didn't take back her words. Toji said, "What about you? They all called you a curse. And since I can't see curses, I don't think you're one."

That was the last thing he should be saying to her. She was a curse through and through, and if he wasn't careful with his words, he would be affected as well. Nonetheless, she had been the one to bring the conversation to such a place. 

"I am called a curse because that is what I am. My father killed himself before I was two and my mother died in an accident three years ago. I had two maids when I was between the ages of three and ten years old, both of whom died in separate tragedies. You can say I am not a curse all you like, but that does not change the fact that I am one."

He noticeably flinched at certain points, but by the end of it, he had leaned back on his arms, now taking her in like she had done earlier to him. Although Toji didn't appear sympathetic or anything of the like, some part of him seemed to resonate with her hardships, evident by the way his eyes flashed in understanding. 

"The Zenin household saw me as a failure, nothing more. I'm sure, at times, I wasn't even considered a human being to them," Toji finally said, watching her as he spoke as if waiting for a specific reaction. 

(Y/N) did not give the reaction he expected, because for the first time since he had met her, she smiled. "I suppose we have something in common then."

Although they both knew they could not relate exactly to the other, as their experiences were clearly as different as they were traumatic, but it was nice to know there was a degree of understanding between them now. The arranged marriage they had been thrown into wasn't as bad as it had been when they were signing the papers, as it seemed the two could get along.

Still, (Y/N) was not going to keep this man from the freedom he desperately desired. She knew he wanted something beyond the world of sorcerers and curses, she could tell by the hardened look in his eyes. And, so, to keep him from being effected by her curse and grant him the life he wanted, she told him what she had been thinking of since she had first been informed of this arrangement.

"Toji-san," she said, not getting very far, as he interrupted her in no time.

"You don't have to add the -san to my name. We're married, remember?" He said it so casually that she wanted to do as he said, but the formality instilled within her could not be taken away so easily. 

She had to pause before speaking again, decisively not using his name this time. "Yes...I wanted to let you know that I do not expect you to remain here with me. You may leave at anytime if you do not wanted to be held down by the expectations placed on you by your family. I will simply remain here, as your wife in title only, as a place to return to anytime. I do not want to be your home if you do not wish me to be, but I will be somewhere you can remain."

It took him a long time to reply to her words, which was odd, because she thought he would have left the second the papers were signed. No, Toji thought on what she said for a long time, long enough for her to believe she had done the wrong thing again. Luckily, he finally began to laugh, appearing relieved after everything.

"You're not what I expected at all," Toji said, once his laughter died down, "but I'll take you up on that offer. I have some jobs I've been thinking about doing, so I'll be out of your hair by tomorrow morning. If I ever need a place to stay, I'll come back. How does that sound?"

"That is perfectly fine with me." (Y/N) accepted. 

Yes, this was fine. This way, she would never grow attached to the man who had become her husband by arrangement. Their lives would exist as two ends of a magnet, rejecting each other so one could never get too close to the other. He would be safe from her curse and she could live the rest of her life at ease that she would never be responsible for anyone's death ever again.