COntRol

13

I didn't see Recovery Girl rush to get that needle but I could tell it was a sedative of some sort when the pain started to diminish. The pain that I was too weak to fight against on my own.

The screams decrease to heavy grasps for air, later regulating back to normal.

"Like that, Shota," Recovery Girl states, probably referring to a discussion she had with Aizawa before.

I didn't dare look at his reaction - I didn't want to see his pity.

"Kaminari, nod if you can hear me."

I nod.

"Ok, so motion isn't too bad," she mumbles under her breath, speaking up after scribbling some notes on her clipboard. "Kaminari, what is the last thing you can remember?"

My eyebrows crease as I retrace my steps to before I found myself in that black void. My memory seemed to have been rekindled by the... episode I had experienced.

My voice was parched, sounding as if it hadn't been used in weeks.

"A-I was r-running... a-and I tripped a-and hit the gro-ound. I-I don't remember wh-why though." Once I had finished, I clear my throat loudly, only to be presented with a glass of water from Aizawa. I had no choice but to look at him as I accept it, my thirst desperate to the extent where my tongue turned dry. His eyes were, as I expected, filled with pity, and I try not to shudder under his gaze, downing the water as fast as I could.

"Kaminari," Aizawa starts, "Try not to move too much for a bit. Recovery Girl has briefed your condition to me, and she will do the same for you. So just... hang in there for a bit."

Snippets of my memories were still coming back to me. I remember that I hated myself. Because my quirk was out of control; I was a coward for letting my emotions get the better of me; I wasn't smart or strong enough to be a hero; I didn't deserve to be at UA. Still, there were pieces missing.

Recovery Girl clears her throat, setting her clipboard down, and I press the cup back into Aizawa's outstretched hand.

"To put it straight, we know that you're quirk is out of control."

I stop breathing.

"Your quirk... is that your electrons in your nerves multiply, and the build-up of these electrons can be emitted out of you by choice."

She swallows.

"When you overuse your quirk, the direction your electricity reverses back to your brain, temporarily turning it off. But..."

She shudders.

"Now, its disrupting your effectors."

A pause.

"What I'm trying to say, Kaminari, is that your body is at high risk of being shut down, and you will not be able to move your muscles anymore if we don't do something now."

A stone drops into the pit of my stomach and all of my limbs suddenly feel like lead.

Recovery Girl excuses herself from the medical wing, leaving me alone with Aizawa.

I knew this was serious. I knew that I needed help and this wasn't just some 'ordinary' problem. I knew that this reveal is life-changing and I should be scared, or distraught.

But I couldn't feel much else - I've become numb.

The bleeps of the monitor fill the silence as Aizawa carefully plans what he's going to say. "You've been out for five days, Kaminari. Once Recovery Girl told me your condition, I checked the security cameras and found you sneaking out. So, from now on, you'll be under a strict curfew. I won't be allowing you outside of the dorms without another person accompanying you and additional security measures would be enforced to ensure you don't leave your dorm at night."

Great, Kaminari, you idiot! You brought this onto yourself and now you're being treated like some f-fucking charity case!

"I've also signed you up for some quirk-training sessions so-"

"NO!"

That had crossed the line for me.

"WHAT THE F-FUCK, AIZAWA! Y-YOU CAN'T FUCKING C-CONTROL MY LIFE!"

I glare straight into his black eyes in complete rage, hatred pulsing through my veins. He seems to glare right back.

"Kaminari! Watch your language!"

I grind my teeth.

My quirk was perfectly fine before all this bullshit! It got me as far as getting me into UA! There is no fucking way that I'm dropping back to the foundation when I've already wasted so much material in building this tower!

"I'M FUCKING FINE! I... I DON'T NEED THAT FUCKING T-TRAINING! Y-YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!"

I could feel Aizawa getting angry. "Kaminari! Those sessions are going to help yo-"

"B-BUT THAT'S THE THING, AIZAWA!" I'm heaving for breath, my hands clenched into fists. "I DON'T NEED HELP!"

His calm resolve snaps.

"STOP PLAYING PRETEND, KAMINARI! YOU NEED HE-"

"I DO NOT NEED FUCKING HELP, AIZAWA! I'M STANDING ON MY OWN TWO FEET I'M FINE!"

"For goodness sake, YOU ARE NOT FINE! STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!"

"BUT IT'S THE TRUTH!"

Words keep spilling.

"I WAS FINE BEFORE MY QUIRK WAS OUT OF CONTROL! WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD I NEED THIS DAMN TRAINI-"

"BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GET YOUR QUIRK UNDER CONTROL! WHAT PART OF IT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"WHAT PART OF ME BEING FINE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! I'M FINE, AIZAWA! I'M FUCKING FINE! I'M THE SAME KAMINARI WHO BUNKS ALL YOUR LESSONS! WHO PLAYS PRANKS IN THE DORMS AND LAUGHS LIKE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN THIS MESSED-UP WORLD!"

I knew most of what I said were straight lies. The old Kaminari never bunked lessons. And this Kaminari has forgotten how to smile.

"GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, AIZAWA! I'M FINE! I-I'M FINE! I'M FINE! I-"

A veil falls. Revealing cracks and shattered glass and the lethal claws of grief and guilt.

"YOU ARE NOT FINE! F-Fuck... th-THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE YOU W-WENT AHEAD AND K-KILLED YOURSELF!"

A few silent seconds pass before tears fall from his eyes.

Aizawa's eyes.

Choked sobs slip through his lips, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes and hiding behind the hair that now draped over his face.

And I was to blame.

I broke my teacher.

[To be continued...]

Reference to line 50:

I'VE BECOME SO NUMB; I CAN FEEL YOU THERE; BECOME SO TIRED; SO MUCH MORE AWARE; I'M BECOMING THIS; ALL I WANT TO DO; IS BE MORE LIKE ME; AND BE LESS LIKE YOOOUUU!

Sadly, I couldn't fit "so" in, because it wouldn't suit the sentence nicely, but... life goes on?

Stay in tune to find out what happens next :3

Be potates!

                         ~Spud🥔