A Day in the Life of Hogwarts

A day in the life of 'The Bored Shepherdess' (portrait)

I just want to point out that in cannon, IN CANNON, Sir Cadogan (the one who the portrait was based on) has 17 *known* children.

Just let that sink in a little now.

17. Known children.

Oh boy.

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The young shepherd girl sighed, leaning her head against her crook. Another day. Sitting down on this rock. Watching the small flock of 4 sheep munch their way through unending brushstrokes of grass. Exactly the same as the last.

Down below her the students chattered amongst themselves, completely unaware of her own existence. She scoffed. Those kids never knew how lucky they were to walk . To wander around on their own two feet away from all their problems. TO NOT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF SOME BLASTED SHEEP!

Now she wasn't foolish. The name of her portrait was, after all, 'The Bored Shepherdess' . But that if anything just made her angrier. Couldn't that artist who painted her have done so in a more happy expression? Like those drunks across the hall from her. They always seemed to be having a blast, with infinite alcohol and more food than they could really do with. But no. She was just bored .

She knew that the model she had been based after didn't have this sort of personality. There was one other portrait that had been gifted to Hogwarts at the same time she had been, part of a set. 'The Bored Shepherdess' and 'The Merry Alchemist' . And that hussy, despite being practically her twin save for a few brushstrokes, was far from being 'bored'. Nooo she was perfectly happy with her potions and turning the same rock into gold over and over again. She was 'merry'. She wasn't allowed to be angry, or sad or, heaven forbid, bored .

It wasn't fair. It wasn't bloody fair.

And it wasn't as if she had anyone to talk to. There were students who often passed through the area where her portrait was hung, but no one ever thought to actually stop and talk. The only time she had actually spoken to a Non-paint, as the rest of the portraits called them, was when Peeves had thrown an entire treacle tart in her face saying she needed to 'sweeten up'. And she had been too intimidated to talk to Filch as he cleaned it up. That man was terrifying. And his breath smelt.

"Ah, greetings fair maiden!"

Oh dear lord. The shepherdess ran a hand down her face, "Please don't tell me you got lost again , Sir Cadogan?"

"Not so! Not so!" The knight tried to flip up his visor, completely forgetting (for the umpteenth time) that it had been painted onto his face. "I am on an adventure my dear! An adventure of the greatest import!"

"Is it to get back to your painting again?"

"Why... I mean..."

She took that as a yes. Ever since that Potter boy had needed directions to the Divination Classroom a few years ago, Sir Cadogan had made it his mission to circumnavigate the entirety of Hogwarts castle. And, for some strange reason she could not understand... he often found himself inside her portrait.

Why, she had no idea. She wasn't in that prominent a position, on a ledge above the north-east stairwell, and neither was her portrait a large entry way that anyone could stumble into... so how he found himself back here time and time again was... concerning to say the least.

"Well I hope you find your way back, sir ," she grumbled irritably. Considering this was the third time this week this had happened, she was getting quite sick of her private space being invaded.

"I thank you, fair maiden!" Sir Cadogan proclaimed, completely unaware of the sarcastic undertones in the girl's voice. "But pray, would you not join me on my wandering voyage?"

"No."

He took a step back, aghast, and tripped over a brown and white sheep who merely looked at him with disdain. "Such certainty! Do you not long for great excursions into unknown locales, and exhilarating exploits through the swamps of adventure?"

And again she got the same conversation. Did the foolish man forget all the other times he had asked her, and all the other times she had given him the same response? She would never, and she repeats never , leave her portrait to go exploring.

Who did he think she was? As if she wanted to visit all the other portraits and see just how fortunate they were compared to her. It was just rubbing bubotuber pus on an open wound! Or that was how she thought the phrase went...

"Shouldn't you get back to your pony?" She eventually smiled, her cheeks hurting from the effort. "I'm sure he must be getting lonely."

"But my dear! I cannot let a fair maiden like yourself remain with such a dour expression on your face! It goes against my honour as a knight!"

"Well you're going to have to keep waiting then," she shrugged, "Since I was always painted like this. My face isn't going to change any time soon. So just go already."

His face fell, which was impressive considering that it was just a visor, "My, but that simply isn't true! Just because we are painted the way we are does not mean we have to stay that way! I for one wish to broaden my horizons by aiding those who need it! And that is my calling in this new life!"

She rolled her eyes. The speech would have been impressive if she hadn't heard it over five times already, "If you leave out my right wall and keep going straight, you should get to 'The Great Debate' . They should be able to point you back from there."

"Oh! My!" Clanking to his feet, Sir Cadogan gave her a deep bow, "Thank you very much my lady. I apologise for taking up so much of your time! If we ever do meet again, I shall hope that you consider my offer more thoroughly! And now, I shall bid you farewell!"

And off he skipped, vanishing past the boundary of her canvas.

She sniffed, unphased. Chances were he wouldn't even find the portrait, and may just loop back into another backend of the castle. But hey. What did she care. It was just another day, another day after all the rest. And that was something she would have to get used to. After all, she was only a portrait. It wasn't as if she had a limited time to live her best life before she passed. For all she knew, the model she was based after had already long disappeared. But she wouldn't. Time never applied to her. She could sit up on her wall and watch the years roll past with her sheep and be perfectly content with that.

She only wished that she hadn't been labelled as 'bored'.

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This was written live on https://www.twitch.tv/sagidraconis