What Was Left

Chapter 15

Jaime shook his head, his expression softening to regret, his voice a whisper. "I never..." He began, his heart breaking at the impression Brienne imagined he held of her as he stammered. "I would never think of you as such." Jaime backed away from her. He berated himself at the result of what he had done to her. She was still in as much pain as he. "You are no whore." Jaime declared to her seriously. "I would slay any man in these kingdoms who would dare say otherwise." He vowed.

Brienne stood before him, her jaw set defiantly, remembering all she had suffered in his absence. "You certainly missed plenty of opportunities in the North, when I grew large with your child, unmarried, and alone." She challenged, misinterpreting his empassioned protectiveness as boasting and bravado. "Many had a good jest at my expense, behind my back." Brienne raised her chin defiantly.

Her words cut Jaime deeper than the blade that had taken his sword hand. What had now been lost to him was far more dear. He understood that he had only himself to blame for her ire. He prayed that the motives he planned to voice would calm her fury, and begin to heal the injuries she had suffered. His mind filled with images of the revenge he longed to visit upon all those who had reviled her character. He grew silent for a long moment, watching her precious face in the dim light. Even enraged, she was angelic to him.

"I would have made them all pay with their lives." He swore to her solemnly, knowing that if he had stayed with Brienne, no one would have dared to cast doubt upon her reputation.

The sigh with which Brienne met his oath was somewhere between disbelief and exasperation. "Now I know you are drunk." She shook her head, and eyed him suspiciously.

Without a thought, Jaime reached out his hand and softly touched Brienne's cheek. "Please believe me." He beseeched her. "The only thing upon which I am inebriated is my love for you." Jaime said to Brienne, his tone begging for her trust.

Brienne stood staring at Jaime, her heartbeat growing more rapid at his touch. Everything within her wanted to remain there forever with his fingers against her skin. She forced herself to turn from him. "I think you'd better go." She demanded, angrily.

As he saw his chance to explain himself to Brienne slipping away, Jaime felt his own anger growing. He had kept a distance from her as she had asked. He had not mentioned a word of their past to Brienne. He had cared for their son, and watched over her, as if there had been no history between them at all. It was a chasm Jaime could no longer bear. He had sworn to himself that he would confess his motives to Brienne this night. He would not be deterred, not even by the pain in her eyes.

"I am not going anywhere." Jaime affirmed, his stance set in equal defiance to hers.

Brienne gave an exhausted sigh, her weary brain showing her the only other purpose for which she could believe he had appeared at her door.  "It is far too late for you to say your goodbyes." She informed him, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. "You can spend your last moments with Galladon on the morrow." She told him, trying her best to hide the sadness that tinged her words.

Jaime looked at her, bewildered. "Goodbyes?" His eyes searched Brienne's trying to discern her meaning. "Galladon?" He stammered. "I...I don't understand?" Fear clutched his heart, hoping she did not intend to banish him from their lives. Jaime stared at Brienne, unable to force another word from his lips.

Brienne regarded him cooly, a look of resigned indignation forming on her face. She had feared this time would come. "It is probably for the best." She asserted, trying to make herself believe it. "Before he forms a stronger attachment to you." She tried to appear brave, all the while her heart was breaking at the thought of losing Jaime from her life once again.