We're Having Our Baby

Thirty One

"I mean are you happy all of the time. Not just when you're with Charlie, but are you happy overall?" He asks just as gently.

"Is anyone happy all of the time?" I ask and he sighs, not content with my answer. "I don't know, Harry. My emotions are all over the place. You're right, I do feel happy with Charlie, but lately I've been stressed and anxious and upset and overwhelmed-"

"How can I help?"

I don't answer him, because I don't have one. I finally turn my head to look at him, and when I do I see the concern in his face. His brows are upturned in the center, his eyes distant and glossy, and no dimples to be found no matter how hard you look.

"I've been feeling the same way," he tells me, and if he would have told me this two days ago, I probably wouldn't have believed him, but now I understand.

"I'm sorry," is all I can think of to say.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault, plus both of our feelings are valid. We just need to work on them together. I'm sorry I wasn't more open earlier."

"I should have been too," I reply. "Um, I talked to your mom last night. She said the boys can stay at her house for a few nights. Jared and my mom are invited too. Annie wants to plan a weekend for the just the two of us to have the house to ourselves. I think her and Gemma also want to spend some extra time with Charlie."

"Charlie would stay with Gemma? Overnight?" Harry questions.

"Annie would be there too. I think it's okay, she's a month old and they know what they're doing," I explain as I clean up Charlie and fix my shirt. Harry takes Charlie and beings burping her.

"Do you want to have a sleepover with your Aunties?" He asks her. "Yeah? Okay. I think it's alright."

"I was thinking we could use the time alone to talk about... everything really."

"Yeah, I agree. I was at Mitch and Sarah's last night, by the way. I needed somewhere to go and someone to talk to. It was childish of me not to tell you, so I apologize. I also slept in my office," he admits.

"You didn't have to do that," I tell him, "I was worried where you were but never think that you can't come to bed after an argument. Although, I hope we never reach that place again."

"Okay... I'll change Charlie," he says, and I nod as he stands from the bed and carries our daughter to her room.

"Ugh," I groan into my hands. I hate how awkward that was.

***

December 31st

"Stevie invited us to a New Year's party tonight," Harry tells me as he collects the pack 'n' play to give to Gemma for the weekend.

"Oh. Do you want to go?" I ask, not thinking we were going to celebrate the new year.

"It could be nice to get out of the house for a bit, see some friends. We don't have to stay for long... I guess what I'm trying to say is yes, I'd like to go if you'll go with me."

"Okay, that's fine. I didn't realize she was in London," I mentally go through my closet to come up with something to wear.

"It's not her party. She told me she's visiting a friend who said to invite people. I'll let her know we'll be there. It starts at nine I think," Harry pulls out his phone to text Stevie back.

I'm kind of worried about going out with Harry. I love Stevie, but even after being with Harry for so long, I still don't really fit in with her crowd. Plus, things have been off between Harry and I still. Like, are we supposed to pretend everything is okay for the night? Can I even do that?