barriers on the tube line

2. you're wasting mine

*tw: abuse, bullying, struggling to eat, suicidal thoughts*

karl pov:

every day is getting harder, i'm losing motivation to do anything and to top things off, my parents texted me the other day that i'm moving school soon. yep, that's right. they TEXTED me that information.

hopefully this school will be better than my last one, though. ever since i came out as gay the bullying never stopped. they would make fun of little things like my nail polish and my style, but on the worst days, i would get beaten up and shoved into lockers. sometimes, there would be rumours about whether i was dating some boy i hung around with.

it was hell, let me tell you.

what made it worse was the constant loneliness. after the bullying started, the few friends i had pushed me away so they didn't become targets as well. my parents were never around in their sober state; whenever i saw them they were drunk and angry.

they took their anger out on me, of course, i was their punching bag.

but sometimes it was more than punching, sometimes they would bring out knives, they would throw glass bottles, and once my mom even aimed a gun at my head.

but that's okay.

it's what i deserve.

i decided that i wouldn't change the way i was for this new school. if they are homophobic as well, i'll just deal with that when i get to it. i'm going to keep dressing the way i do and i'm not going to pretend i'm straight to please a few teenagers.

but, as i was saying, my motivation is lacking right now. i have nothing to live for and the constant sadness or numbness is making it difficult for me to do anything like getting out of bed and eating.

the only thing my brain seemed to be motivated enough to do was die. if i wasn't going to die from lack of food, it was only a matter of time before i actually killed myself.

i spend most of my time playing minecraft by myself or with a couple of online friends. my best friend, quackity, really knew how to cheer me up. i knew i could always go to him if i needed a distraction and i hope he knows he can come to me whenever he wants.

i'm actually playing with quackity right now, but we are not playing minecraft, we're playing roblox tycoons. he knew how to even make the tycoons funny.

it was that few hours of happiness with quackity that i always took for granted. because the second my parents came home from the pub, i knew i would have to make a stupid excuse to leave so that he didn't find out what my life at home was like. that's the point of an online friend. they're not supposed to know everything about you.

upon hearing the front door open and slam against the wall, upon hearing my parents' slurring speech to each other and upon hearing them stumble their way up the stairs, i told quackity i had to go and revise for an upcoming exam and quickly hung up and left the game. just in time for my mom to slam open my bedroom door.

she looked a state. her hair was in a messy ponytail which was about to fall out, her makeup was smudged across her eyes and her mouth, where she had undoubtedly been rubbing. her pink shirt had alcohol stains down it and she was still holding a bottle of vodka which had been half finished. i knew that bottle was about to end up in one hundred pieces on my carpet in a minute. my dad appeared behind my mother, also looking as bad as she did. his shirt was half untucked and the top few buttons were undone. he had lipstick stains on his collar and his tie was all wonky. he spoke first,

'hello, son,' he sneered at me, slapping his hand on my back in a sort of extremely rough, affectionate way.

'your mother and i have had,' he looked up at her and she started cackling like a witch, 'a busy night. you know what that means, don't you?'

'of course he does' my mom stopped laughing to get her word in.

she smashed the half empty vodka bottle on my door frame, sending shards of glass flying over my floor. some surely cut her because some cut me and she was closer. i heard her wince as she checked over her legs for any cuts.

'are you okay, mom?' i stupidly asked, causing her to snap her attention towards me

'who gave you permission to speak?' she stormed towards me, the last thing i remember is her fist flying towards the side of my head.

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