mahogany ; d.m

64 - alive

She waited for him to elaborate.

"Nott wrote to me several times, gave me updates. When you were taken, he sent word."

She watched as he struggled to continue.

"I looked for you."

"You did?" 

He stared at her dubiously, as if her question had been a stupid one to ask.

"I tried. And I—I fucking failed," a sudden neurotic anger possessed him as his eyes flashed with rage, the storm curling up and projecting outwards.

She didn't know what to say.

She could feel the Dark Magic which possessed him. She remembered the feeling. It made her neurotic, uncertain of whether she wanted to indulge it completely or flee from him. But she knew she'd rather die than leave.

She'd stay. Stay until she'd drink the Dark Magic straight from him.

"I failed you. I'm sorry, I understand if you will never forgive me for that."

She went to speak, but he continued.

"I'll bear my peace with it. But I need you to know—I looked for you everywhere, Athena. And I did some fucked up shit, I mean I-I hurt people to—to make them tell me what they knew, even removed some of their fucking memories, made them lose their minds and the entire fucking time, you were in my goddamn cellar."

She suddenly remembered what Dean had mentioned. The good news he had brought them.

"It was you?"

He looked straight through her, a solace worn upon his countenance, making her blood turn to ice and causing her bones to shiver.

"Apparently they—they thought it was the Order," she stated.

"I had to do it. I needed to find you," he clarified, his tone clipped.

His words gave her no comfort. He needed her to forgive him, but she had already forgiven him long ago.

"You couldn't have known. Don't blame yourself—for any of this. There was a deterrent charm on the cellar keeping you away," she informed. "Even if you had tried to get down there, you wouldn't have been able to."

Nothing she was saying was making it any better for him. Nothing could ever soothe his sorrow, nor hers.

"What they were going to make me do—" he began, a slight tremble in his tone. "I never had any intention of killing you. I need you to know that."

His statement caught her off guard. She hadn't expected him to address that so abruptly.

She just stared, allowing him to continue.

"I had a plan. Who knows if it would have worked," he said. "Understand that I'd—I'd rather have killed every person in that room than lay a finger on you."

A small sob escaped her and she couldn't prevent it.

"Greene, I've done the most terrible things. If you knew, I don't think you'd ever want to be near me again."

She knew and felt no differently.

"I already know," she informed him. "I saw the letters you wrote to Theo."

His eyes widened, his upper lip curling as he clenched his fist.

"What?"

"He showed me."

"That piece of—I'm gonna fucking—" he seethed.

"No, don't. It was me—I made him."

She still couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.