broken souls of blame | mileven

chapter twenty-four

she bites down on her lip as she kneels down to the ground and leans her head onto the headstone.

she lets out a sob as she remembers the memory, "but if weren't for me it wouldn't have even happened."

"tell me, how did he find out about you?" he asks.

"h-he was building a case against brenner-"

"-meaning it didn't happen because of you. he already was associated with him, he already was planning to go against him. you getting adopted by him gave him happier days. you weren't the cause, you were the cure. he loves you, so don't hurt yourself over something he decided because of how much he loved you."

she sniffles, "he did say he loved me a lot. we're not even fucking related." she lets out a sad giggle as her thumb brushed past the top of the stone.

"don't hurt yourself, el. he wouldn't have wanted that." he murmurs as she sighs quietly.

"i know that." she says, "i remember."

"then-"

"mike, you don't cut. you don't understand the feeling of hating yourself so much you want to carve your skin out. you do not understand the addiction aspect to it." she cuts him off.

"but i do know."

"yeah? show me your scars, show me the physical proof that you have to wake up and look at in the mirror every single fucking day. show me something this painful that will stay with you forever." she stands up, "look at me, i have cuts everywhere. i have this giant bandage on my arm, i have legit bruises and internal damage. i know hop hated the way he hurt me, the way he made me hurt myself but it's on me to have such a terrible addiction."

"addictions can pass with help. with the help of people like me!"

"people like you?" she scoffs, "people like you play with people's feelings and hurt them! people like you think you can just make a girl think she finally found someone to make her happy but then people like you turn around and betray her!" she shouts in his face before shoving him and walking away.

"fuck, el!" he shouts after her, "oh shit!" he curses, feeling a drop of liquid drip onto his face and making him think it was bird shit since this place was filled with trees.

swiping his thumb onto his forehead quickly, he sighs a small relief when he sees it's just clear water but groans when he realises its rain.

"el! it's going to rain soon! get back here!" he runs after her, careful not to step on anyone's grave.

he jumps through the grass and then onto the path that led to the park.

he catches up to her once she was halfway down the road in the park and then stands in front of her.

"move away, i'm walking home." she says.

"i didn't mean to hurt you, nor betray you." he tells her as she laughs loudly, "really? i don't believe you."

he shuts his eyes as the rain starts to pour down heavily but he didn't care, and neither did she.

"i have feelings for you." he admits.

"i do too. it's called hatred." she takes a step to the left as he follows to stop her.

"i kissed kylie because i had stupid feelings. when i was around you, i felt different so i thought hooking up with someone would get rid of those stupid annoying feelings. but it didn't go away and i didn't know what the fuck it was since i never felt like that with a girl."

"nice."

"el, listen. after i kissed her, the feelings still didn't go away a-and instead grew bigger and bigger and bigger till i finally realised what it meant. i didn't even hook up with her." he continues.

she crosses her arms and waits for him to finish.

but he doesn't finish. he just stands there for a few seconds making her scoff and walk past him.

he turns around to watch her back, "i love you!"

she stops dead in her tracks. "i have loved you since the day i have had a proper conversation with you, but i was too much of a pussy to go find out what this stupid feeling you made me feel was. you're the first girl i felt like this towards and i was just scared."

she turns around slowly, "you what?" she whispers, the rain starting to soak up her shirt and hair.

he brushes his hair out of his face, "i fucking love you and that's the damn truth." he walks towards her, "i shouldn't have kissed her, i shouldn't have even talked to her. it's all my fault and if you still hate me, i understand. but please, believe me when i say i love you because i fucking do. i fucking do, el." he places a hand on her cheek.

"you love me?" her voice comes out soft as she stares into his eyes to find any sort of lying trails.

but a small tear trickles out of his eye and down his cheek as he nods, "i love you so damn much. you're the best thing that has ever happened to me." he murmurs.

"i am?" she still couldn't believe anything he was saying.

i mean, he loves her?

"you are, sweetheart and i can't bare watching you hurt because of me. i'm so sorry, el, for everything i have said and done to you."

"why didn't you just tell me? why did you have to do such a stupid thing instead?" she asks quietly.

"i don't know... maybe i thought it was a stupid crush that wouldn't go away so i tried to make it go away. but when i kissed her, i wished it was you instead." he admits, wiping some tear drops off of her face.

she smiles, standing on her tippy toes and pulls him in for a kiss, "hurt me again and i'll kill you for real, asshole."

he grins widely at the comment, "ooh kinky. never knew you were into that, sweetheart." he goes in again for another kiss as they start to make out in the pouring rain.