broken souls of blame | mileven

chapter twenty-three

"i'll leave you to eat and then maybe we can have a chat later." dr miller suggests as el nods.

dr miller gives her a smile and then walks out as the nurse hands her the dinner with a small smile.

"here, honey. let me help you sit up." joyce rushes to el's bed side and helps her sit up.

"ew, they're serving fucking mash potatoes." mike scrunches his nose up in disgust.

"you're welcome to leave." will says as he ignores him.

"yeah, go away." el speaks up, "i don't want you here."

"but el-" mike protests.

"get out of my room!" she screams at him, grabbing a glass cup from the nightstand and throwing it at him, "go away!" she shouts as he dodges the cup.

"no, el, just let me explain." he pleads as she shakes her head, "fuck you, go away...."

"el, i beg you, please.." he kneels down onto his knees, "let me explain."

she starts to sob quietly, "you lied. you lied!"

"i know and i'm sorry." he apologises.

"go away. the last thing i want to do is be in the same room as you!" she hisses, "go to hell."

"sweetheart..."

"stop." she cries, "please stop."

he nods silently at her begging, "i'll leave then. i'll leave... see you soon." he stands up with a small frown and walks to the door to exit the room.

"okay um-" joyce starts.

"i don't want to eat." el cuts her off.

"el, you need to eat." will says, scooping a spoon of mash potato and placing it in front of her as she moves away.

he sighs quietly, "i got you your blindfold and a picture of you and hop." he says as she looks up at him slowly, "eat this and you can visit him. visit you guys."

she stares at the spoon blankly and thinks about all the memories her and hop she made. she would love to relive them.

watching as she stays silent, will places the spoon in her mouth and she swallows the food.

both will and joyce smiles widely, "i'll go get you something to drink." joyce informs and walks out to the vending machines.

"what happened with you and mike?" will asks, "what did he do? he didn't hurt you, did he?"

"another time." she whisper as he nods, "tell me when we're back home."

she nods, holding her hand out as he grabs it with a smile, "thought you were better, el." he whispers, "you told me you haven't thought about this in a long time."

"i haven't." she answers tiredly.

"then..."

"i think i had a hallucination about papa which made me.... you know. it felt so real because he hit me, he chocked me, a-and i felt everything. he told me things and i don't know, it's like he was in my head controlling me yet i still could think? i don't know." she explains to him.

he nods, "you need to tell the doctor, she can help you."

"it's my medication. i'm fine, will. i'll be fine." she reassures him as he sighs, "it's just, if i didn't hear you scream then you'll be-"

"-dead. but would it be such a bad thing?" she asks.

"el. shut up, okay? i love you, we love you and we will never just fucking abandon you out of the blue. the best thing that has happened to us was hopper adopting you. we lived our best lives after you joined our family so you need to shut up about us living better without you. 'kay?"

"best lives? really? we all know you're exaggerating here." she rolls her eyes.

"you know what i'm trying to say and after jonathan left for college, you're all i have left."

she shows a light smile, "that's cute."

"el, i'm serious."

"sure whatever."

"el!" he scolds her, holding back a laugh.

she smiles teasingly, "i'm kidding. i know what you mean and i'm happy you feel that way so..." she pats the spot on her bed next to her, "come lay with me so i don't feel as lonely."

he grins, pulling down the covers and hoping into the bed and lays down on her shoulder.

"see if you weren't gay, i would have kicked you out of my bed." she jokes as he laughs, "i bet."

"joyce is going to kill us though." she whispers.

he nods, "let's sleep then so she can't do anything about this."

"oh, what a good idea." she smiles, leaning her head on top of his as they close their eyes.