FANFICTION Torn apart connected

Chapter 14 Juicy fruit

Omniscient narrator

Yu flings himself onto his bed and curls up. 'I am so infinitely tired,' are his last thoughts before he drifts off into a faint sleep. Those two hours in the car with Sam drained him of all strength.

From an early age, he was more of a contentment seeker. Selfishness was always a foreign word to him. A child who does not share his wishes and thoughts is either invisible or a target among his peers. As an adult, he triggers the protective instinct in some. He especially hates that. He doesn't like being a burden to others.

Only with Sam is it different.

He wants to possess him. To be a burden to him with his needs. To be protected by him.

For the first time in his life, he dared to take a risk.

He fell in love.

And fell.

Blinking slowly, Yu opens his eyes. It is 10 p.m. For two hours he has simply drifted off. A dull growl in his stomach reminds him of his hunger.

He stands up and lingers. His head is empty. Only the sad taste of the day is palpable.

He walks to the kitchen, opens the refrigerator, and finally closes it. Nothing.

'I have to buy something to eat,' he thinks and reaches for his jacket.

The door immediately falters. He can only open it a crack. Astonished, he pushes harder against the door until it suddenly opens. Yu carefully walks across the threshold and discovers Sam sitting on the floor next to his door.

"What are you doing here?" marvels Yu.

"I wanted to give you your peace. And me my time.", Sam quotes Yu.

Yu's heart skips a beat.

Sam looks sad. He looks so sad.

Yu squats in front of him and speaks, "Why didn't you knock? How long have you been sitting here?" "I've been following you. It was so quiet with you. I thought you were asleep," Sam reports childishly. "And then you thought you'd just sit and wait for me to come out?" asks Yu with raised eyebrows.

Sam looks Yu intensely in the eyes and repeats:

"I was going to leave you your peace. And me my time."

"Your time?", Yu asks timidly.

"Time to think," he explains.

"You can do that at home, too," Yu counters, standing up.

"I wanted to be with you, though. I couldn't not be with you," Sam quickly manages.

Yu is overwhelmed by a wave of emotions. 'Why would you say something like that,' he thinks desperately. Sam can see the pain on his face. "Yu, tell me straight out. Do you want me to leave?"

In Yu's head, a voice screams, 'Yes, go already. You're torturing me!'

But instead he says, 'Don't go. I want you with me."

Both voices tear him apart.

Sam stands up and takes Yu in his arms. The familiar feeling envelops them. "I want you with me too," Yu hears Sam whisper.

They surrender to the attraction of their bodies. Yu snuggles against Sam's neck. 'What is it?", Yu wonders as Sam inhales Yu's aura with each breath and clings to him tighter and tighter.

"Sam?", Yu tries to start. He's interrupted, though: "Yang Yu Teng.", Sam murmurs in Yu's ear. "Mhm?", Yu returns in reply.

"I just want to say your name. And I want you to call my name," Sam says in a strong tone.

"Sam," Yu tries to start again. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting," Sam says in a sincere tone, wrapping one arm tighter around Yu and placing the other hand on the back of his head. Gently, he begins to stroke through Yu's hair.

Yu remains silent. He is stunned by Sam's nearness.

'Why are you touching me? Why are there no boundaries with us? How will I ever understand how you feel about me?" wonders Yu.

Sam continues, "If I had known you were going, I would have come." "You don't have to tell me," Yu says, "It's understandable that you need your privacy."

Sam is puzzled. He wonders what Yu means by that. "My privacy includes you," Sam explains.

They both still hold each other close on Yu's doorstep. They don't look each other in the eye. Neither of them can right now.

'You can't be serious, Sam. You know exactly what or who I mean by privacy. Don't make me say her name,' Yu thinks. "'That's not what I mean by that. I don't mean privacy between friends,' Yu paraphrases his intention.

Silence.

Now it is Sam who is at a loss for words.

'I forgot about it. Just forgot. I forgot. He knows I was with her,' Sam recalls painfully. He was so deep in his role. So close to him. So intensely dazed by the intimate moments. Far away from here and now.

That he no longer felt her.

"You've got it wrong," Sam begins, then falls silent.

'Give me a sign, Yu. Make me feel sure. I don't want to destroy everything. How can I be sure?', Sam despairs inwardly.

Yu interrupts the silence, "There is nothing to misunderstand. And it is all right. Your right. We've had long enough time together, haven't we? The things she didn't have to listen to and look at.... It's all right, Sam!", Yu lies only partially. Inwardly, Yu rejoices in his sovereignty. Not only can he fool himself, but he can fool Sam. He feels that is a virtue right now.

Meanwhile, Sam rummages through his vocabulary internally and gathers his courage. He wants to tell Yu. But he doesn't know how. 'What if he's shocked? And I've got it all wrong. How are we supposed to continue working together after that? If I don't do anything, he will turn away. He won't answer again. And I will no longer be the one who can be silent with him. Understand each other. Laugh. Feeling. It's too late for that. I won't let him go,' Sam discusses in his mind, deciding to take the first step:

"I was with her. While you were on Lyudao. I was with her."

Yu's heart aches and he is unable to refill his lungs with oxygen.

Sam ignorantly continues, " I talked to her for a long time and explained that I wasn't sure of my feelings towards her anymore. We broke up," Sam says more dryly than he actually intended.

Yu freezes on the spot. His hands drop to the right and left of his body. He lets go of Sam.

"Is that a reason for you to let me go?" asks Sam honestly.

Inconceivable, incomprehensible, inexplicable is every thought that tries to bear fruit in Yu's mind. Sweet fruit. Forbidden fruit. Fruits he refused to admit and allow himself.

"Juicy fruit," Yu sputters. Sam marvels and grins. "Juicy fruit?" asks Sam.

At last, Yu looks into Sam's eyes. His gaze is warm and deep.

"I love juicy fruit," Yu says with complete conviction, slapping Sam's pecs with both hands.

They both laugh. Hug each other again and keep laughing. And when one is just calming down, he lets the other catch him again. They laugh until the tears flow.

Tears that rejoice in redemption. About the path and all the hope.