broken souls of blame | mileven

chapter twenty

oh, how dumb of her.

mike sits down in the seat next to el's as el moves away a bit but only mike, himself, notices.

"really? kylie?" lucas asks him as he shrugs.

el sucks in a shaky breath and stuffs her mouth full of mac and cheese to stop the tears that were forming in the corners of her eyes.

how could he act so calm right now? how could he act as if nothing has happened?

after telling her that he has to figure out his feelings so they should hang out more, he does this.

the way he was acting got el mad. sad and mad at the same time. of course, he went to someone else. she would never live up to the girls in this school.

"you still have lipstick on you." dustin points out as mike smudges the side of her lips.

el then takes a deep breath, "you know what, i forgot that i had to return a book. it's overdue." she stands up and grabs her stuff, "have my leftovers. i'm full anyways." she hands dustin her leftovers as he smiles widely at her, "thank you!"

she fakes a weak smile back and walks out of the cafeteria quickly, hoping he wouldn't come running after her.

her smile drops quickly and she runs a hand through her hair and walks to the closest bathroom to calm down.

walking to the back wall she covers her ears and drops her bag to the floor.

what a fool. she really thought he wouldn't hurt her like he promised. she really thought he wouldn't use her for pleasure.

what a fucking fool.

right when she thought she meant something to him, he only thought of her as another toy to play with then to throw away.

right when she found someone that relates to her and made her feel happy and special, he only made her think he felt the same way.

right when her nightmares and hallucinations were all stopping, he decided to hurt her this way.

she told herself he would do so but he made it seem like it was all real. it is her fault, really. she shouldn't have trusted him.

yeah you fucking shouldn't have.

she presses down on her ears tighter as if it would block away the voices but it only got louder. sitting down on the ground, she brings her knees to her chest and muffled her sobs against it.

you crybaby, you knew he would hurt you yet you still associated yourself with him. this is on you.

your pain is on you.

"shut up! please, go away. papa, go away." she sobs.

yes, the voice in her head was the voice of brenner just to make things even worse for her.

and sometimes she could even see him.

she knew deep down he wasn't there. she knew, but everything seemed so real.