empty spaces ~ armin x reader

chapter five // vulnerable

The closer I got to them, the harder they were to understand. Eren's letter and y/n's kiss both took me by surprise. It was almost too much to take in and consider all the factors at play. It was like how it was five years ago with Annie. I was piecing together a puzzle I didn't want to finish because it was nothing like how I envisioned it.

I grabbed the tiller a little tighter and sighed to myself.

The more I got to know Annie, the easier it was for me to deny everything that was true. I honestly wanted to believe she hadn't lied to me. There was so much I wanted to say to her when she finally came out of hiding.

I was so, so tired of it. I was supposed to know these people better than they knew themselves, but they locked themselves away. Annie showed me her world then abandoned me. Eren stood by me for years in the past, but recently only ever reached out when he had use for me. Even y/n couldn't tell me how she felt when it directly involved me.

I wouldn't let that happen again. I would get it all out of her, everything she didn't want to share. I would do whatever it took to see her vulnerable.

My gaze caught on the approaching harbor. The thundering sounds of battle weren't that far off. Large cargo and war-specific vessels surrounded the area and caged me in. I warmed my hands by cupping them together and blowing into them. I reached for the knife resting in my pouch. I gripped the hilt and held the blade to my sensitive palms. I didn't even flinch when I slashed my flesh for what felt like the hundredth time.

The shouting became more apparent as I drew near. They would notice a stray sailboat eventually, until then I waited. I bowed my head in silent prayer, holding my hands together in front of my face.

How many lives had been taken in the name of bettering humanity?

"HEY!" the Commander called, "What's that small sailboat doing on the harbor? HEY YOU-"

I lifted my hands and slowly uncovered my face. I pulled the hood down and made eye contact with the Commander. His face twisted into confusion as I felt my entire body spike with uncontainable electricity. I was yanked away from my seat in the sailboat and pulled into a case of muscle. A body grew around me and I felt it all under my manipulation. The vessels that had trapped me were blown apart by the Colossal Titan's simmering heat. Crewmembers were burned to the bone, the expressions they wore melted away with them. It was a massacre and I controlled all of it.

I let the damage unfold on itself. All I did was hold the match to set everything ablaze. The rest of the destruction happened in the aftermath. The harbor was totally demolished. The water steamed and boiled around my ankles. The light of my transformation died down and I allowed the titan's heat to radiate. Once the breeze cooled off the nape of the Colossal Titan's neck, I reemerged. My body sank backward and I felt the steamy ocean air hit my backside. I ripped my face free, titan flesh hung from my cheeks.

"Is this what it always felt like, Bertolt?" I said somberly.

I felt the guilt of what I had just done rip my mind apart. I breathed heavily, my lungs filling and pressing out air. My entire body was shaking, but there was little I could do. I reached for the knife in my poach. My fingers wrapped around the hilt as I heard the whirl of the aircraft engines. I let the knife fall back into its spot as I raised my arms to grasp the metal rungs. I used my remaining body strength to lift myself into the airship.

The cabin was empty. I fell back on the cold floor. My back pressed hard against the ground, which made it easy for me to feel my aching muscles. It was in that tired, lonely moment that I finally allowed myself to cry.

***

reader pov:

Eren grabbed onto Armin's forearm and used his strength to get into the aircraft. Mikasa and I followed behind them. I lifted my knee to boosted myself up. I hadn't anticipated a heart-warming, teary reunion; however, I definitely did not expect the first thing I'd witness after getting one of my best friends back, to be them getting their ass kicked by a five-foot, three-inch man.