I'm Not Gay

11

"After you," Magnus smiled as he opened the door to his apartment for Alec. Magnus followed Alec and closed the door behind himself. He wrapped his arms around Alec's waist. "I miss this," he whispered against Alec's neck. 

"I miss this too," Alec whispered back as he turned around in Magnus' arms. Magnus giggled as he pressed his forehead against Alec's forehead. Alec tilted his head to the side to kiss Magnus, his hands moving to run his fingers through Magnus' hair as they kissed. Magnus pulled him even closer, closing any space between them. He could sense a neediness in Alec's kisses. 

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked, breaking the kiss. 

Alec made a face, "I'm fine, why?"

"It's just... not that I'm complaining. I love this, really," he squeezed his arms around Alec, "but I don't know, the way you're kissing me just feels like you're scared to stop."

"You got all of that just from kissing?"

"I've had a lot of kisses in my lifetime from a lot of people." 

Alec smiled, "Oh, have you?" He leaned in to kiss Magnus again.

"Mmhmm," Magnus hummed as their lips met once more. He broke the kiss again after a few seconds. "Okay, well, if you're not ready to talk about it, I respect that. But just know that I know something is going on in that gorgeous head of yours, and I'm always here if you need to talk, okay?"

"I know. It's just been a long day, and I've gone what feels like forever without seeing you." It was almost completely true on Alec's part, just with certain omissions. 

"Alright, well, I'm going to take a shower now and then we can go to bed."

Alec nodded and let go of Magnus. Magnus took a couple steps from where they were standing and turned around. 

"You... you wouldn't want to join me would you?" Magnus asked hesitantly. 

Alec's face reddened, "I... I mean, uh, sure. I'd love to."

Magnus smiled, "Are you sure? Don't feel like you have to since I asked."

"Yes, I'm sure." Alec's voice held more confidence. 

Magnus took Alec's hand and led him to the bathroom. After shutting the door behind them, Magnus turn on the shower to let the water heat up. 

"Don't feel like you have to stay, either. If you feel uncomfortable, just tell me. It's fine, okay?"

Alec nodded as he pulled off his shirt. "Why are you so careful around me?"

Magnus sighed and pulled off his shirt too, "It's because I'm your first. It's not like you have any other experience before me, which isn't bad, but I'd hate to scare you off of anything in the future."

Alec's pants came off as Magnus spoke. "So you think there's a chance that you're not my last relationship?" Alec said, standing in just his boxers. 

"Not necessarily, but I mean, how can we know for sure? I'd love to be your first and last for everything. Hell, that's basically a dream come true, but we don't know what is in store for our future or what's going to happen with your mom." Alec thought about that for a minute as Magnus wiggled out of his tight pants. "It's not that I don't want to be with you for the rest of your life, it's just that this is also all new to me. I've never dated a shadowhunter, let alone falling in love with one, and I've never had to deal with homophobic shadowhunter parents. So yes, I want to be with you, but I also just want what's best for you. I'd hate for you to live a life of hatred from your family, yet I also don't want you to not be who you are...." 

Alec leaned in and kissed Magnus before he could continue. "You're rambling and making things worse as you continue. Relax. I understand what you mean. There's so many unknowns in our relationship."

Magnus breathed a sigh of relief. "Good you understand. Now, shall we shower before any more water is wasted?" They both slipped out of their boxers. Alec glanced at the space below Magnus' waist, an area he hadn't explored yet. A blush crept onto his cheeks, but still smiled and pulled back the shower curtain, "After you," he mocked, making Magnus laugh. "Sorry if I try to be a gentleman sometimes," Magnus said as he stepped into the shower. He shivered as the steaming water hit him. He felt Alec step in behind him and wrap his arms around Magnus' waist. Magnus let himself sink into Alec's touch. "I love showers."

"Is that why you don't use magic to get clean?"

"Sometimes there's just things that you need to take time for." He reached up and grabbed the body wash from the shower rack and handed back to Alec. Alec poured some into his palm and massaged it into Magnus' shoulder. 

"Showers....." Magnus paused and smirked, "Sex..... uh..... cooking."

"But you use magic to cook," Alec pointed out. 

"Only when I want to get fancy. I've never actually cooked for you myself." 

"Next date, how about that?"

"Oooo, Alexander, we've been dating for three months and you want to go on a second date?" Magnus turned around with a smile on his face. 

Alec moved his hands lower, onto Magnus' stomach as he laughed. 

"By the way, this is not how you shower with someone, Alexander."

"What do you mean?"

"Here, let me show you," Magnus picked up the bottle of soap and created a lather in his palms. Then he started slow, just rubbing Alec's shoulders, and smoothly moved down to Alec's stomach, just above his waist. He pulled Alec closer, moving his hands down to Alec's butt. Alec gasped and braced himself with his hands on either side of Magnus, against the shower wall. Magnus took the moment to turn his head and kiss Alec's lips. Alec didn't resist and let himself be supported by Magnus and wrapped his arms around Magnus. Magnus wanted to continue, but held back and broke off the kiss. It took a couple seconds for Alec to be steady on his own feet. 

"Wow..." Alec said, amazement in his voice and in his eyes as he looked at Magnus. 

"That is how you shower with someone," Magnus smiled and pushed Alec so he was completely under the shower head to rinse off. Magnus rinsed and turned off the water after Alec. Magnus grabbed a towel and softly wiped the water from Alec's body. 

After drying off, Magnus gave Alec a pair of his boxers and they both crawled into bed. Magnus laid his head on Alec's shoulder and traced the runes covering the Shadowhunter's chest.

"I can't wait until we get to spend every day like this, and not having to worry about anyone forcing us apart."

A wave of guilt came over Alec. He couldn't ruin the moment now. "Neither can I."

****

Alec waited until the early hours of the morning to slip out from underneath the soundly sleeping warlock, get dressed (keeping Magnus' boxers, just in case) and slip into the New York City night. He knew there would be no way he would able to say goodbye, so sneaking away without Magnus knowing felt easier.