-> this story will start with this chapter, it will stars at the end and then the narrator will tell her story how she got where she is now. I hope you enjoy.
You pronounce her name as
Lee-de-vay (Lidewij) Dutch name
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3:00 p.m , June 15, 2015
"Where were you?" He asked casually as I set down the car keys and purse on the kitchen table and serving myself leftover soup
"Nowhere"
We never looked at each other the same way we did when we met, we didn't whisper I love you's to each other, we no longer embraced each other tightly in the night, instead we did our best to avoid each other, if it was me leaving before he woke up or him leaving in the night.
"It's 3:00 pm, you were out since yesterday" he muttered uninterested
"I'm aware"
I no longer waited up for him, and I no longer heated up dinner for him, I didn't seat next to him to see Televison, we didn't love eachother anymore.
But today was different we were in the same room trying to look anywhere but each other, I knew that we were both trying to find out the reason our fire was extinguish until barely any existed, he looked at me with a beer in his hands and his other hand stretched across the couch, I sat on the kitchen table Silently moving the spoon around the alphabet soup, it was funny that at some point we spend our time playing with each other, where we both loved each other, but right now it was like we had never met.
"So your not going to tell me?" He asked
"Are you going to tell me where you were this Monday? Or this Tuesday" I snapped-he remained silent taking a soft Gulp from his beer as I proceeded in eating the left over soup from yesterday
"Then I'm not going to tell you"
It was like I had never seen this man, even though I loved him not so long ago.
"I'm leaving" I spoke not looking up to his forest green eyes that would hunt me forever, that no longer looked bright like they used to but instead dull.
The radio was playing this soft spanish song, and I remembered when we loved to listen to them even if didn't even know what they were saying, but there was a moment where he would jump out of what he was doing and wrap his arms around my waist and we would dance for hours alone in our apartment, but this time it was nothing but just another song playing.
"To where?" He muttered leaning his head back and closing his eyes like if it was almost a relief and trust me for me it was
"Well back to Arkansas, with my aunt Edda and cousin June" I said loudly, my voice echoing through the small apartment, the silent apartment that was once filled with laughter, I never believed I would want to go back to my family, because He was my home, even when he just said my name it felt like home. Not anymore.
"Mmmh" he hummed looking at me and nodding "okay"
I nodded standing up and walking towards the room, our room. I took the duffel bag and carried it to the living room where his eyes were trained on me, I picked half my hair up like I used to do before him, and Looked at him.
"I'll take you" he said "there's only one car"
I nodded walking out of the small apartment and walking towards the blue car that we spend so much time on, I opened the passenger seat and threw my duffel bag on the back seat, I looked at the picture of us dangling from the rear mirror, I looked at it before yanking it off and crumbling it and throwing it on the back seat.
He came afterwards noticed the picture missing but decided to stay quiet, at least back then we argued that meant we still cared enough but now a days we didn't, I barely knew what went on with him, we were both writing our stories apart from each other.
My aunt Edda was never a smart women, but I remember her telling me " oh who needs a man, all they bring us are problems and shit", something that always stuck on me
And my cousin June who couldn't help but be the hopeless romantic "oh if it's true Lidewij it will happen, sooner or later it will"
I looked at the window and sticked my head out feeling the air fly through my hair, a wide grin spread on my face as I tried to make sense of what had happen.
But falling in love at a young age isn't always a good thing, it often never works out, and worst part is that sometimes it stops with no explanation and I believe it hurts more than having a reason, I went back and sat down, and tried to make sense, but actually what makes sense in life.
1:00 a.m, July 18, 2015
After two days of driving we came upon the green sign I thought I'd never seen, "Woodson Pop.445" the trees were aligned just like I remembered and as we drove close and closer into the town I felt like the same seventeen year old I was before but I knew him, I felt him Tense, his face proved him he had a slight scowl and his knuckles were turning white by every minute, and then the gasoline store I spend my days came into view, he parked outside of it and looked at me with hooded eyes.
I never realized how much I would actually miss a small store.
"Lidewij" he murmured I looked at him and gave him a sad smile "goodbye" he said
"Thanks" I said taking my duffel bag and opening the door, and walking out , I began walking closer to the door and before opening it I looked back at the car who was already driving off, and I wished I could say I broke down crying but I didn't or that at least he ran after me and fought for me but he didn't , there was nothing to fight for. Before I could even open the door June who looked older with bags under her eyes ran out the door wrapping me into her as she sobbed.
"Lidewij, goodness" she muttered and I was able to see his car has stopped a block away and he was staring at me before he drove off once again, his arm out the window like he always did but this time I wasn't next to him, I wasn't holding the map circling and tracing lines with colored sharpies, I wasn't there getting us lost and making him laugh, I was here in the gasoline store like I once was and he was somewhere on the vacant rode making plans of his next trip, like we had never met.
I realize I would never see his green eyes again, that we both had taken different paths, I would never see his smirk and the cigarette dangling from his lips, but I was okay, it was okay.
And I embraced my cousin with delight as I breathed in her tacky strawberry perfume that I had missed so much, I kissed her cheek and finally came into the conclusion that first love is something completely different to true love.
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Coming soon
I dreamed this story so decided to write it- it's a short one, possibly only 10 chapters.
