elite [h.s]

CHAPTER 51

She let me step out of the bath first, scurrying around the room to find two towels. Once I finally located them, I wrapped one around my waist, then stepped back up next to the bath. I extended the other towel and held it up for her, ready to greet her with the warm and dry material as soon as she would stand up.

As soon as her body left the water, I wrapped it around her, careful to not let my eyes linger on her body. Soon, it was hidden away from me, covered by the white towel tucked under her arms.

No matter how beautiful she was, it wasn't the right time and she wasn't in the right state of mind. I would never disrespect her like that, not when she wasn't able to think clearly and to fully be aware of her surroundings. I wanted to focus on her and on what she was going through: I wanted to be there for her and to help her get better. I wanted to help her fix the broken pieces, I wanted her to fill whole again, no longer feeling the void her mother's absence had left behind.

Turning around, I bent down, pulling on the bath plug and making sure that it was being properly drained of water.

Once I was sure everything worked perfectly, I faced her again, analyzing the expression on her face.

That's when I noticed the way her lips trembled, lowering my eyes to see that she was shaking because of the change of temperature.

I'm not going to lie, I was starting to freeze my ass off in this bathtub. I had started to feel the lack of blood in my toes and fingertips, the cold water numbing them and almost cutting off my circulation. I had started to feel my skin grow colder, except for the spot where she was resting her head. I had remained as still as possible, not wanting to startle her, but my muscles were starting to ache. I did my best to not slump on her, so I ended up leaning back until my back hit the bath, pulling her along with me as softly as I could.

But no matter how cold it was, not matter how sore I was, I would have stayed there for as long as she wanted me to stay. I would have stayed there for another day if it was what she needed.

I would have done anything to make her feel comfortable. To make her feel at home.

As I remembered our conversation, I couldn't help but admire every ounce of her vulnerability. She was so open with me, choosing to share her thoughts with me at a time where it would have been so easy to shut me out. She could have easily kept everything to herself, she could have easily decided that she didn't want me to see that broken part of her. That part of her that was still fragile, extremely easy to break, the proof being that a single text was enough to send her spiraling down. That part of her that was still recovering and healing from a deeply-rooted trauma.

Still, she decided to let me in, to let me witness her at her lowest point. She decided that she wanted me to be there for her, that she wanted me to be the one she sought comfort from. She decided to let me see her darkest part, the part that resembled in no way the soft and cheerful girl I have gotten accustomed to. She decided to let me see the source of her deepest sorrow, a source that could never be erased from her mind. She let me see her past, she let me see the thing that had forged her into the woman she is today. She let me see the pages of her story that she had unsuccessfully tried to tear apart, tried to hide away until they faded into nothingness. She let me see the extend of her hurt, the extend of the impact her mother had on her life. She let me see her at her lowest point, at the point where she felt empty and numb.

She was so fucking courageous. She had done something I have been scared of doing for many years, fearing that my deepest secrets would involuntarily slip out of my lips during these moments. Instead of hiding her sadness from me, she reveled in it and accepted it, not hesitating for too long before she hid in my arms. Instead of scolding herself and thinking of herself as weak, she welcomed her vulnerability and shared it with me, showing me it was completely normal to fall down on your knees from time to time. Instead of pushing me away like I would usually do, she surrendered to me and let me guide her through these hard times. Instead of pretending like everything was fine in her life, she acknowledge that sadness and gave herself time to process it. She gave herself time to label her emotions and to feel them. She gave herself time to remember the details of her mother leaving.