Five Steps Away

Chapter 18

There isn't a moment this week that I didn't think of Elijah. I thought that I'd be over it by now, but apparently not.

And I've tried to do everything that would permanently leave the past me behind, but everything feels wrong without him

"Does my ass look good in this?" Jenna turns her back to the mirror, twisting her neck to see if it looks good.

"Yeah." I've been ready for a while, simply waiting on Jenna to get over her reflection.

"My ass looks good in everything," she states.

It's Friday, and we decided to go out to a party (Charlotte Drew's 6th party of the year). Lily preferred to stay home, which didn't surprise either of us as it's well known that social events aren't her thing.

"Girl you've been staring at yourself for the past ten minutes can we go?" I throw a pillow at Jenna, who barely even flinches, still admiring herself in her full length mirror.

"Patience babes." She finally walks away from the mirror, and goes to my bathroom. "So are you getting your mans back tonight?" Jenna yells from the bathroom. I roll my eyes.

"Ending it was for the best. Plus he doesn't like parties so I doubt he'd be there," I say. Jenna comes out of the bathroom with lipstick on. "What about you, where's your girl?"

She starts smiling. "Actually..."

"Spit it out Reyes."

"I'm meeting her there. She's bringing me out to some restaurant afterwards."

"Damn what time does the restaurant open?" I ask.

"It's open 24/7." She grabs her purse and phone, and finally we make our way out of her house and into my car.

"So you're ditching me for her?" I ask, feigning pain.

"Only at the end. The rest of the party it'll just be us."

I drive us to the house, silently hoping that Elijah actually comes. I don't know why though, nothing would happen if he came, which, him coming is already close to impossible.

When we get near the house, I park my car and we walk the rest of the way. Once there, any energy I had left from the 2 cups of coffee I drank earlier leaves me, and I'm in no mood to party. Jenna on the other hand, looks like she's never felt more alive.

"Go and find your girl." I say, realising that there's no way I'm about to stop her from having fun tonight.

"What? Why?" She asks.

"I'm not feeling it. I'm gonna leave in a bit." I tell her. She seems concerned.

"Are you ok?"

I smile, nodding. "Just go. I'll be fine." I say. She looks at me one more second, before mixing into the crowd.

I go to the bathroom and pee and when I'm done I head to the sink. As I wash my hands I stare at my reflection. I look happy, yet extremely tired both physically and mentally.

I dry my hands, open the bathroom door and walk back down the stairs. When I get to the living room, I walk to the door, thinking about how much makeup I wasted when I feel someone grab my arm.

"Wait Al!" I turn around to see Elijah staring at me like he's been looking for me forever. My breath hitches.

"Hi," I respond. He doesn't stop holding my arm and I wait for him to speak, but he looks like he's in a trance.

"Sorry, can we uh... can we talk?" He rubs the back of his neck with his other hand and looks at me nervously. It takes me a second to realise that he drank tonight.

Still though, he looks beautiful.

He's wearing a hoodie, with jeans and a hat that's on backwards. His hand is soft on my arm and I want him to hug me and this needs to stop.

I pull my arm away. "I have to go," I say.

"Al please." He looks at me straight in the eyes and my heart twists.

I don't say anything, and he leads me out to the garden where there's less people and it's quieter.

"How've you been?" He asks. I realise that we're too close, and I take a small step back.

"What is this Elijah." It's less of a question and more of a statement. He stays quiet, never breaking eye contact.

"I miss you," he says. "And I don't want this to end."

"This isn't good for either of us," I respond, reminding myself that I need to be a good person, and that whatever we were doing was not that.

"But it could be. If we just tried-"

"Please stop. This is already hard enough."

"It doesn't have to be!" We stay silent and he takes a step toward me and I want him to hold my hand and make me believe that it could actually work. But it can't. I need to move on.

"I have to go." I say, walking back to the sliding doors that lead to the house. It's when I'm close to the doors, with my hand reaching for the knob that he says it.

"I love you!" I freeze, turning around slowly to face him. My jaw drops. "Shit I—" he looks around us, as if realizing what he just said, before looking back at me. "I love you." A moment of silence passes by. "You're the best thing that's happened to me in so long, and I just I can't—" he stops again, his breath heavy, and takes one step toward me. "I just...  I don't want this relationship to be fake. I want this-" he points to the both of us. "Us to be real." He walks up to me and he's inches away and I feel tears prick my eyes. "I love you," he says quietly and it's intimate because I'm the only one who heard it and my head spins at the thought of us being real because I never thought it'd be possible or that he would want it to be and I finally kiss him.

He wraps his arms around my waist and it's sweet and long and it's desperate for love because at the end of the day, all we really want is for someone to show that they care. When we pull away, my breath is heavy with a million unspoken words I want to say. Instead, I look him deep in his dark brown eyes, and say it back, knowing more than anything that I mean it.

"I love you." he hugs me, and we stay like that for I don't know how long, until we pull away.

"Do you wanna leave?" He asks, his voice slurred. I remember he's drunk, and I realise that now was probably not the best time to have that conversation.

"I should take you home," I say. We walk back into the house, reimursed in the noise. Elijah tells me he needs to go to the bathroom, so I wait in the kitchen on a chair for him. A couple minutes go by before he comes back, and we leave out the front door.

We walk to my car, Elijah stumbling every so often that I wonder if he'll even remember this conversation tomorrow.

I really hope he does.

"How much did you drink?" I ask.

"Uhm, barely anything really." He stumbles again, but this time he falls. I can't help but laugh.

"This is why I never drink," he says, getting back up.

We get to my car and he enters the passenger seat while I enter the driver's seat.

A/N: THEY SAID THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ASASDJUAWSEDNF IM CRYING OMG