The way I feel for you

- Chapter 3 -

Maya's P.O.V:

Ok, breakfast. I've survived 1 night in Maradova, surely I can go eat breakfast without starting a fight. I was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and a black plaid skirt with leggings underneath. Damn, why is it so cold here? I put on my leather boots and walk towards the dining room. Opening the doors, I saw Lottie sitting at the edge of the table on her own. 7:00 am. Of course Ellie wasn't awake yet. Lottie noticed my presence and gave me a small smile before stuffing a piece of pancake down her throat. I tightened my lips and gave her a grin, pouring some coffee in a cup doing so. I sat down 2 seats away from her, quietly sipping my coffee. The awkward tension in the room was so tight, you could slice it with a knife. 

 I started eating some berries I got from the table and that's when she asked the question.

"So I hear you liked Jamie?"

The question triggered me to start choking on my food. How the hell did she know that? Images of Jamie started flooding into my head, his warm smile and everything about him. I shook my head rapidly, still coughing. 

"I don't want to get into that.."

Lottie blinked a couple times "Can you tell me what happened between you two?" I have came to a conclusion that this girl is impeccably nosy. What business did she have in who I liked? I kept eye contact with her, hoping she would be intimidated somehow, to my surprise it worked. I once again fiddled with my ring, it brought me comfort at difficult times. 

"That's a gorgeous ring," Lottie remarked, glancing across the seats separating us. Can this girl just leave me alone? I don't like talking about my ring with anyone, it's special to me like the wolf pendent is special to Jamie. "Uhhh, thanks I guess," I said, looking at her with confusion. Am I being too harsh? She looks nice in a way, she signed her life over the royal family, I'm pretty sure I can trust her. 

 I left the room feeling relieved, that was the most awkward experience I have ever had with a girl my age. I walked back to my room and shut the door tight, I looked at myself in the mirror. The only words I have to describe myself were...

"Stupid, ugly, worthless." I called to my reflection in the mirror "You were stupid to leave this place, so damn stupid to leave Jamie. You wear your ring to remind yourself that he's still here. HE'S NOT!" 

I felt my knees crumble towards the ground, tears streaming down my face as I cried out my pain. I do this everyday, it's a way to make myself feel less guilty for Jamie's loneliness, to Ellie's lack of trust in people, knowing that all that was my doing.

It's your fault, your fault, your fault.

I wish Jamie was here to comfort me, he's the only who could make me lighten up. This may make me seem soft, I'm not. After everything I've been through I'm not, I have to act strong and put up an act, a mask covering my pain. Not long after, there was a soft knock on my door. I dried up my tearful face and opened the door. Lottie.

"Hey Maya, I think we need to talk," she whispered in a round tone. I raised a brow, I didn't need this right now. Or did I? Maybe I do, I'm sure I need someone to talk to, it's already a relief she didn't hate me. I nodded my head and let her inside my room.

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Ngl reading this now makes me cringe but I wanted to spread awareness about how people you know the least about can suffer from a form of depression. Even the most flawless have insecurities, I hope this finds you well and thank you for reading! <3

To the people suffering from depression, I know what it feels like and I support you guys 100% Stay strong <3