The Lifeless Beauty of Gracefield [ray x f! reader]

Ily

3rd pov

i'm five years old today. writing in this book seams like a smart decision. if i die, i won't leave them on a blank note. less of a blank note and more a filled book.

why is this so difficult? keeping a straight face while knowing that everyone older than yourself is gonna die eventually. i feel bad giving everyone the cold shoulder. but i'll endure it. i'll get used to it eventually, right?

if ignoring them and having and emotionless stare means that my siblings will make it out of here one day, then i could do this forever.

emma won't stop bothering me about my new 'personality'- actually everyone is. Why is mama so clueless? i would have expected her to find out by now.

i wonder... if i should tell emma, norman, and ray about this. no. i don't have that right to steal their innocence.

also, ray's been acting differently.

he's constantly suggesting us to study more, and it seems he doesn't feel comfortable being with mama as much.

i bet he found out.

well sucks to be him i guess.

another thing. ever since alisa was shipped... i've been having nightmares. i'm too scared to go to sleep.

should the emotionless role i take on be an insomniac as well?

last night, i had quite the night terror.

it stared in pitch black. i couldn't move.

as much as i tried, it was as if i were glued in place.

then, the scary part.
i looked up to see emma, norman, ray. they were growing up. they looked happy. that is, until they all reached their 12th birthday.

the outfits, the suitcases, the pitiful looks on their faces... i tried to run over, to help.

but alas, it was as if i were glued in place.

i just stood their and watched as red flowers were stuck into their chests.

is this what i'll have to endure? i'm
older than norman and emma, do i have to watch them walk to their deaths..?

ray is older than me. will he, too, watch as i walk out the door. to die within the next ten minutes?

mama is calling, i need to stop writing. bye.

~~~

i'm seven. yesterday, it was official and everything. most of the house has gotten used to my blank stare.

emma will never give up on it, i know that. norman will wonder, but never have the guts to actually ask me or anything.

but ray. ray, ray, ray, ray. why in the devil's name... is he so freaking curious?!

he tries to hard to figure me out, and beats himself so hard for it when he can't. this behavior is quite unusual, considering his personality.

also, another thing worth writing. Mama received instructions from the higher ups. how do I know, you may ask? mama received instructions from the higher ups on what to do with me. or should i say, "the premium quality" instead? all these years of acing my tests, and this is so worth it.

~~~

it hasn't even been an hour into the day yet and emma has gotten me in quite the sticky situation. I had to spill that my emotionless face is by choice. I also had to speak to conny, as well as small rabbit. oh, by the way, I'm eleven right now.

~~~

well. quite the event has just occurred. nothing really, just that ray led emma, norman, and I to find connys dead body, and I had to fake a mental breakdown. ray really is an idiot.

there was such a high chance that emma and norman were gonna die getting caught, and emma small rabbit, so most probably mama is gonna find me out.

what a headache

~~~

I'm so freaking tired. but, I'm scared. I'm too sacred to sleep. so, last night, I didn't sleep at all, in fact, I haven't slept for two weeks.

maybe fainting in front of ray wasn't the best idea..? because now, he's questioning me like a detective.

like bro. chill.

sorry, I'm acting weird. I'm still kinda recovering from that dream. the exact reason why I hate sleeping.

in this dream, I guess I let ray die. everyone turned on me, and hated me for not doing anything. why is it that ray was the one who I let die? And most importantly, why did I feel the most bad when I heard it was him?

in the dream, he had asked me to smile. it seamed, that he too, as disappointed in me. I'm sorry, ray. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

~~~

New lady krone showed up today. as well as a fusion of norman and emma. god, i ship those two. and gilda and don. i wonder who I should ship ray with. why haven't I shipped him at all, actually? why does the thought of other people liking him and Him the same... make me upset..?

why am I saving him on the side? why am i doing this?

~~~

have you ever have that one sibling, that is very childish, thinks he can do whatever he wants, and is hecka tall? I found mine. don.

the dude actually went in the secret room, even after hearing all of our warnings! and guess what.

he punched ray.

why was it that my blood boiled when he punched him? even when he hit me, all I could seem to think about is if ray was ok. why? what are these feelings? they feel good... but man oh man do they hurt too.

~~~

cuddles.

I woke up in his arms, stuck. as if I were in sap.

he was so warm. and cozy.

why was it, that this feel so heart warming? why did I enjoy it? why do I long for that feeling of him to come back?

~~~

norman forced me to tell everyone. I tried to look like it didn't really affect me, but the pain I felt when I saw rays face. It was unimaginable.

emma forced out a cry as well. I must've looked like an idiot.

~~~

I looked in the books. To answer my questions on ray.

Am I in love...?

~~~

I confessed to ray. I don't think I can take anymore of that mental stress.

~~~

I'm getting shipped out. Finally, my plan. It's working. It's working.

~~~

Emma gave me her plead. And for once in my life....

I don't wanna die.

Eleven years weren't enough. Eleven years weren't enough.

I don't wanna die, knowing ray... ray...

That I'd be leaving ray.

But I'm the second eldest. I can't sit around and cry. What would Alisa do? She'd smile. And she'd make flower crowns, as a symbol of her love for her family.

So I smiled. And I made flower crowns, as a symbol of my love for my family.

P.S. Ray! Ily!