enneagram type 2 | sunoo | complete

i don't have a lot to give

Sunoo is different.

He feels it itch in the pit of his stomach. A sunny disposition masks it, of course it does, but he can't shake the weight of the uncertainty. 

He feels like whenever he talks there are too many eyes on him. He's seen too many Western reality shows to know what the international onlookers compare him to. 

Even the idea of becoming a stereotype suffocates him.

"Ddeonu," Sunghoon hums, "What do you think?"

Sunoo shakes out of his thoughts and glances over. 

Sunghoon is handsome. He always has been, ever since Sunoo can remember. He'll never deny it that, for some reason, he felt compelled to be near him when they first met. And yeah, maybe it was because he was handsome. So what?

I-LAND was different. It was tense. Sunoo felt the tingle where their skin met, the rush of making him laugh.

He feels it less now. It doesn't make the memories any less jarring.

Sunghoon scrolls between 3 selfies. Sunoo hums and plucks the phone from his hands, examining each one carefully.

"Go with the second and third ones," He chirps, after some deliberation, "Your expressions are different, look. Sunghoon-hyung…" He flicks to the other photo, "… and Ddeonghoonie."

Sunghoon laughs gently and takes his phone back.

"Thanks, Sunoo-ya."

"No probs!"

Where their hands touch now, a gentle warmth spreads in his chest. There's nothing other than comfort, like sitting in front of a log fire, or roasting marshmallows beneath the stars.

Sunoo's glad for it. He wants to banish that crawling, electric feeling for the rest of his life.

-

Unfortunately, Sunoo is also a pushover.

He knew it when Niki tucked into bed beside him for the first time. 

( Niki is his favourite. He doesn't like to play favourites, but he really is.

He feels like Niki knows it, too. He takes advantage too much to not know. )

"Niki-ya," Sunoo hums gently, turning to look over his shoulder. "I thought you were sleeping with Heeseung-hyung tonight?"

"I changed my mind."

"How come?"

Niki shrugs and Sunoo stifles a giggle. 

"Well, who could blame you, Niki-ya," He sighs wistfully. "I'm one-of-a-kind, after all."

Niki scoffs and jabs a finger playfully into his side. 

Sunoo yelps, and jumps out of his skin. 

"Hey! Stop!"

"You deserved it."

"Nuh-uh."

Niki hums as he pulls the blankets up over his shoulders. He curls up and lies on his side, leaning into Sunoo's back.

Sunoo's skin alights. He clenches his eyes shut. It's not like it's uncomfortable, no, quite the opposite - it's just wrong. Immoral . 

Skinship is fine, it's different, obviously. He carefully places it into its own section in his brain. But these terrible feelings; wanting to be held, to be kissed, to be … loved .