Shackled to a Mirage

Chapter 1

My mind is in turmoil. Darkness surrounds me. My breath is coming out in erratic short burst. My hands and legs are numb from the wind. I'm in a black void. It's so dark and has no sound or smell. It's so cold I see my breath when I exhale. I see people all around me and I start to run, but there's nowhere to go. Nothing to hide behind. No one to help me, instead they have come for me. They keep moving forward as they walk toward me arms outstretched just waiting to grab at me. One catches my face I feel the scratch heat my skin like a burn and I feel blood trickle down. Putting my hand to my cheek and wiping I look down, but no blood is there. Another one pulls my hair and I feel a chunk get yanked out. It hurts a lot but when I feel my head all my hair is in place. My chest is heaving now from running. I can't breathe. I try sucking air into my lungs but there is none. Cold blue hands grab at me from all areas. Most hurt when they make contact, but no physical marks are left behind. I scream as loud as I can. No one hears my cries. I'm going insane, I know it. My throat is scratchy and sore. My eyes are burning from the tears I've been crying. Seems like years go by as I'm lost in this world. Where are the others? Anyone besides the blue dead hands with lifeless eyes that see everything. In here forgetting my life is easy. I don't want to be here and with every moment I get closer and closer to surrendering to those hands. If I just slowed down, I could end this. I wouldn't suffer for long. Just long enough for them to strangle the thoughts that keep coming into the darkness. My mind is getting foggy, and I start to slowdown just long enough to catch a breath. While I do that a blue hand grabs my own and pulls me back toward the others. Then another hand grabs me, and another. Until I am all the way back where I started being suffocated by dead blue hands and a black void.

Nothing is ever saved, and no one ever gets out. The damsel never gets saved by the prince. The bad boy doesn't fall in love with the quiet girl and turn good. The outcome isn't ever what you think, and but it's always the same. You can only dream and fantasize. Some people say, hey at least this didn't happen or that didn't happen.

It did though, and it always does.

It's chilly for the month of May I think after my world had shattered and split in half yet again. What is wrong with me and why do I go for the worst people? Standing near a bench looking over the pier I fantasized about a life I could have if I would just forget about everyone, everything, and move far away. Wouldn't life be grand? Smirking at the thought I looked back towards the entrance and decided I would go home. Grabbing my bag off the bench I turn and start texting my best friend as I am walking.

Me: I'm leaving the pier now I should be back home in like 30 if you wanted to stop by.

A: Yep, I'll be over in an hour though I am at the bookstore on Premont and Indi. It's so nice in here we should really come here together.

Me: Umm, maybe soon.

Running into and slamming my face into someone hard, I don't take my eyes from my phone and apologize and continue walking. I'm used to walking into everything.

"Ouch, you okay?" he says grabbing my arm softly.

I jerk away as if I were burned, only seeing a blue hand in its wake. Always blue. I never speak to people anymore, well except Amorie. It seems the only people ever interested in talking to me are people that want something from me, or can benefit in some way.

"Hey," he says again.

I don't look back I just keep walking. My car is around here somewhere. I take my keys out and hit the alarm. I feel his eyes on my back and hear a slight pickup in his steps.

Beep, Beep, Beep.....

There it is.

"HEY! Slow down please," he sounds a bit exasperated. He's only walked behind me for about a half a block to the parking lot.

I start walking a little bit faster acting like I don't hear the guy calling for me.

"Yo Girly, stop I just want to talk for a second and make sure your ok."

He has a nice voice. Strong and masculine sounding. I get into my car and start her up. I finally look up and this asshole is standing in front of my Nissan. Unbelievable! Honking my horn to get him to move, he casually crosses his arms and smirks. People irritate me. Especially pushy ones that don't take a hint.

"Hey, roll down your window so I don't have to talk through the glass."

Frustration in seeping up my neck I feel my cheeks getting warmer. He starts to walk around my car to the window and then he taps on it. Who does this guy think he is and what does he want?

He's a nice-looking man, though. Tall and very handsome. Nice eyes. But not all nice eyes are nice. I know for a fact he wouldn't be interested in me. I crack my window an inch.

"I'm sorry I bumped into you I didn't see you."

"That's not why I stopped you. It's Willow right?"

I'm a bit shocked he thinks he knows me, "Do I know you?"

"You come into my bookstore all the time; I always remember loyal customers and a pretty face," he said with a wink.

Ugh I think rolling my eyes. Now I know he is mistaken.

"I don't frequent any bookstore, but I have to go I'm running late." I lied. I know I would have remembered this guy, but I can't seem to place him at any of the bookstores me and Amorie frequent. Books are one of my absolute favorite things in my life. They are an escape for me from my dark bleak lonely existence in this prison of life.

"Well, I'm Pete, I just want to make sure you're really ok, you did bump into me pretty hard," rubbing his chest. When he talks, he makes a lot of gestures with his hands when he speaks. Annoying to me, but nowadays everything seems to annoy or frustrate me.

"I'm fine thanks." Giving my best resting bitch face. It usually works to keep people from speaking to me.

"Well, if you're sure about that then I guess I'll see you next time you come in," smiling he looks away but then seems like he might say something else. Then he does I inwardly shake my head. "We have a few good books that just came in you should come check them out."

I don't respond just stare at him for a minute trying to figure out why he was trying to have a conversation with me and how he would know what I like to read while I put my car in drive. "I have to go," I give a slight smile if you can call it that and take my foot of the break and go.

I feel horrible now. He's looking a little lost. I don't like being cold to people or alone, but it's better this way. Living the life I have changes you. whether you want it to or not. no matter how hard you try for it not to and believe me I've tried. But this way no one can hurt me, and I can't mess anyone's life up or vise versa. Too many things have went wrong with any kind of relationship I have ever tried to have. Romantic and even platonic ones. Things just go wrong. It's like I was a deranged killer in a past life and I'm paying for it now through bad bouts of luck and horrible men. Nothing ever seems to go right. Stopping at the light she starts texting Amoire to clear her head some.