Sinners Are Winners [bxb]

Chapter Twenty

"8 am?" Xavion groaned. "Duuuuude." He lay back down in the bed.

Jessica's grandmother scoffed and took another drag from her cigarette. "No, get up. I need one of y'all to take me to the store today."

I frowned. "Is that usually a multiple-person activity?"

"Don't get sassy at me, little bitch boy." She grunted, flicking ashes from her cigarette onto the carpet.

Xavion grumbled. "Make Jessica take you."

"No." She grunted. "That whore never lets me get any cupcakes--"

"Grandma!" Jessica, who was probably listening from nearby, suddenly cut in. She entered the doorway into the room. "The doctor said its best to cut down on all the sugar and gluten--"

"Do I look like a damn rabbit to you, Jess?" She rolled her eyes. "The doctor also said 'no more cocaine' but we both know I'm not gonna do shit about that."

Jessica sighed and leaned against the doorway. "Granny, they just want you to live as long as you can."

"I can't wait to die." She shrugged. "I'm sure Hell will be a hoot."

"It will be." Xavion agreed. "When we're both in Hell together, I'll definitely invite you to all of my bangers."

I grinned. "The bangers I will also be at?"
Xavion groaned. "No."

"B-But you specifically said last night that you'd invite me to spite Grant."

Silence. "Fine. But only for that."

"Enough about this." Jessica's grandma rolled her eyes. "Chances are that Hells just another hoax." She put her hand on her hip. "Which one of you sorry fucks is taking me to the store?"

"You go with her, Ish-poo." Xavion replied, pushing me away. "Imma sleep until a more reasonable time, like 2."

I scowled. "But--"

"You'll be fine." He sighed into his pillow.

I stood up and looked down at yesterday's clothes. "Should I change?"

"You're fine." She grunted and turned. "I haven't changed since Tuesday."

I checked my phone. Today was Sunday.

"Let's go, bitch boy." She beckoned me to follow.

I frowned. "My name's Ishmael." I informed her, tired of the insulting nickname.

"Alright. I'm Gertrude. You can call me Granny Gert." She led me out of the room.

"Make sure she doesn't buy any cupcakes!" Jessica called after us. "Or any cakes! Just avoid all the sweets and anything too bread-y!"

Granny Gert stuck out one of her fingers, the one in the middle, and Jessica scoffed in annoyance.

I had no idea what a cupcake was.

We walked out of the house and down a paved path. Granny Gert walked up to one of the death vehicles. I looked at her in suspicion. "I'll drive." She said, throwing the bud of her cigarette into the grass patch near her.

Jessica, who had followed us to the front door, immediately protested. "Let Ishmael drive! Your license is suspended from all those DUI's!"

Granny Gert rolled her eyes. "So what? It only matters if they catch me."

"Do you want to be arrested?" Jessica scoffed, leaning against the doorframe.

Granny Gert shrugged. "I've been breaking the law for 67 years, but they haven't caught me yet. Either I'm good at not being caught, or the law is ass." She smirked and popped open the commander's door. "And I'm willing to bet that both are right." She slid into the seat with the grace of someone young, started the car, and rolled down the window. "Hop in, bitch boy!"

I sighed. "It's Ishmael," I muttered before opening the door to one of the back seats.

"What in fuck's name are you doin'?" She grunted. "Do I look like a chauffeur? Get up here with me." She patted the seat next to her.

I paused, staring at it nervously before slowly closing the back door and walking to the front. I opened the door and slowly sat myself in the dangerous spot.

"Let's rock and roll, bitch boy." She cackled and suddenly the vehicle flew backwards.

.................................

I had thought that Xavion was bad at operating vehicles. When I thought that, I had no idea that someone such as Granny Gert existed.

She commanded the vehicle like she was blind and deaf. She constantly honked a loud horn and sped around other drivers. Shouldn't there be rules that keep people from driving this fast?

When we finally got to the store, I threw myself out of the vehicle and swore to myself that I'd never get in one again.

Granny Gert rolled her eyes at me. "Cut the dramatics, bitch boy."

I clenched my hands. Maybe it was the near-death drive I just endured, or maybe it was the stress of nearly being kidnapped the night before. Whatever it was, I snapped. "Ish-mael." I hissed. "What do you not get about that? Ish. Mael. Ishmael! Not "bitch boy", Ishmael."

Granny Gert started laughing. Her laugh was gritty and deep. She shook her head, "You got spunk, kid. I'll give ya that." She looked me over. "You're odd though, very odd. I like it-- it's refreshing."

My eyebrows curved in and I looked at her for a moment.

She beckoned for me to follow her. "Let's get this shoppin' done then, Ishmael." She said my name with a laugh.

She led me through the isles. I didn't pay much attention, still not understanding a bunch about shopping. She was throwing things into a cart and mumbling about how prices kept rising.

At one point, she gave me a wink before throwing a box of colorful things into the cart. The box read "cupcakes."

I sighed. "Jessica said--"

"Jessica can kiss my fat, cupcake-filled ass. And so can you."

I rolled my eyes. "Are they really worth the fact that they're hurting you?"

"Yeah." She scoffed. "Have you had a cupcake?" She said it, sounding amused.

"No."

She looked at me. "What? You haven't?" She narrowed her eyes. "You allergic or somethin'?"

"Not that I know of..." I trailed off. What was allergic?

Her jaw dropped. "What kinda hellish life have ya led? No drinkin', no cupcakes. Have ya had cake?"

I shook my head.

"Brownies?"

I shrugged.

"What about icecream?"

My eyes lit up. "Oh! Xavion actually got me some to try a few weeks ago. That stuff is so good." I grinned. "Especially peanut blast."

"Have ya had peanut butter?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I thought about it in the list of foods Grant got me. "Maybe? I don't think so."

"That's it." She scoffed. "We're getting everything good in this world that ya haven't tried."

My eyes widened. "Really?"

"If you don't like it, I'll eat it." She scoffed. "Usually I don't eat enough, coke addict and all, but honestly a bitch'll still eat Oreos if she got em in the pantry."

She looked around and picked up a box, showing it to me. "Ya tried donuts before?"

Not recognising the food in the box, I shook my head.

Granny Gert tossed it in the cart.