pay you with love ♡ malum (discontinued)

26 ➵ the morning after

"What are you going to do now? You're not going to bring these people here, right? He obviously doesn't want to see them and if you were him, you wouldn't either," I told her.

"Michael, can I ask why he doesn't want to see any of his family members? Maybe it would make things easier."

"I'm sorry but the reasons are personal and I don't know why it would make things easier if you knew. I trust you but I don't want to talk about Calum's personal problems with a stranger. Please do not be offended by that."

She sighed, "No, I understand. But we don't know what to do. The only person he wants to see is you. He woke up and the first thing he asked about was you."

"Then please just let me see him. You probably noticed but I'm the only one he has left. Everyone else disappeared out of his life and never cared about Calum, I understand why he doesn't want to see those people. They brought him into the worst situations by simply not caring," I explained.

There was a small silence. 

"Let me call the doctor in."

She dialed a number on the phone and talked to someone, probably the doctor or another nurse, saying that she needed him in her office. It took some minutes until it knocked on the door and the doctor came in, a smile on his face. He greeted us friendly and sat down next to me.

"I'm guessing you called me in because of the problem we were talking about earlier," he said and Jane nodded. "Well, what did Mr. Clifford say?"

"I don't want you to bring his family here, if there's any members left, and I especially do not want you to call his dad. Like Calum said, he doesn't want him here," I explained. "Now, where's the problem? I'm here, I care about him, I love him. I don't see why you can't let me see him. I would be allowed to see him anyways at some point."

They both shared a look with each other and it was almost like they were talking to each other on a different, spiritual level. I felt a little awkward but just hoped that they would let me go to see Calum. It would be so simple.

"Michael, would you please leave the room for a few minutes?" Jane asked and I nodded, got up and walked to the waiting room.

It took maybe ten minutes for them to come out.

"Mr. Clifford, please follow us," the doctor said and I did as he told me and the smile on my lips grew as we walked into the direction of Calum's room.

"We're doing this because it's a complicated situation," Jane began to explain as we stopped in front of Calum's room.

"Thank you so much. Can I go in now?" I asked and they nodded, so I opened the door, closed it behind me and walked over to Calum's bed, seeing him lying there with closed eyes.

I grabbed a chair that was standing in the room and shoved it next to his bed, then sat down on it and grabbed his hand, tracing small circles with my thumb on the back of it. His hands were cold like ice and I tried to heat them up a little with my own.

A few minutes later he moved a little and turned his head, opening his eyes slowly.

"Hey," I whispered and smiled a little.

He also tried to smile but it was weak and not happy at all.

"They let you in," Calum said, almost whispered. I nodded. His voice sounded raw and sleepy, like he hadn't talked in years when in reality it was just one night. "Can you lay next to me?"

"Am I allowed to?" I asked.

"I don't care, I need you next to me."

"Okay."

I got up from the chair and he tried to move a little but winced in pain. My heart broke at the sounds he made. He sounded like his whole body was hurting and I saw that it was hard for him to move.

"Princess, don't move if it hurts. I can hold your hand."

"No, it's fine, really. I want to cuddle, it doesn't hurt," he said but I knew he was lying. Nothing was fine.

I sighed and laid down next to him. He placed his head on my chest, Calum's hand was lying on my tummy. His body was covered with the white hospital sheets.

It was quiet, silence was filling the room as I was running my hands through his hair like I always did when we were cuddling together.

A few minutes passed and suddenly small sobs escaped Calum's lips. He clenched his hand to a fist, gripping my shirt tightly and burying his head in my chest so I couldn't see his face. It wasn't long until he was crying in my arms, sobbing so hard that his body was shaking.

"I -- I'm in s-so much p-pain. My -- my whole b-body hurts," he stuttered out. "W-Why do bad things always happen to m-me? I d-don't deserve this."

I closed my eyes and wrapped both of my arms around him carefully. I didn't want to hurt him even more.

"I h-hate this, M-Michael. I hate it. Why is l-life so u-unfair to me? I hate everything, I don't want to do this anymore. Everything hurts, I want it to s-stop."

I didn't know what to say. Calum was crying in my arms, telling me he didn't want this anymore and it hurt me. Maybe not as much as Calum was hurting but it hurt a lot hearing this from the person I loved.

"Don't say this, baby, please don't," I said and a tear made its way down my cheek. "I know it's hard for you, I know but I'm here for you. We can do this together, yeah?"

"I don't want to, Michael. E-Every time I'm happy something horrible happens. I love you so much and I don't want to leave you but I can't d-do this anymore."

"Calum, you can. I know you can, you're strong."

"Y-you once said that I am a flower, r-right? And every flower dies someday, Michael. M-maybe it's m-my time to do the same."

"No, Calum, stop saying this. Why would you think that?" I asked, more tears were streaming down my cheeks.

"Because life is always giving me these bad signals. It's like the universe hates me and it's so hard for me to stay here if my happiness is always ruined by something horrible. You don't know what it feels like when everything is great and suddenly your life turns into a horrible nightmare."

"Calum, I know what it feels like, trust me. The fact that this happened to you, it destroys me. I know it affects you more but I'm also broken when you're hurt a-and it breaks my heart when you say you want to die because--" I took a deep breath,"because I love you and I don't want you to leave me."

And for a moment it was silent. The only thing you could hear were Calum's smalls sobs but other than that, nothing.

"I won't, I p-promise I will try," he then whispered. "But, you n-need to help me, I can't do this alone."

"Of course, of course I will help you, I will always be there for you," I said and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I promise, Calum, we can do this, yeah?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

"And Calum?"

"Mh?"

"I really do love you."

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Now before you say anything; I really don't know how hospitals work. I informed myself a little but I needed to change some things. In the end, this is still fiction which mean everything is possible and in my opinion the chapter seemed realistic to me. Maybe it's not even that unrealistic but if I wrote something that usually isn't possible you can inbox me and correct me, if you do it politely.

So, what do you think? Do you hate me even more now?

I promise, only two or three more really sad chapters before it gets a little happy again. 

୨୧ See you next chapter! ୨୧