sharkbait \\ h.s

18

"Why are you crying?" Harry asks me, leaning over on the couch to face me.

"That movie was horrible." I bring my hand to my face to wipe my the wetness off of my cheeks.

When we'd arrived at his house again for what feels like the hundredth time, he had a movie already on Netflix waiting for us to press play. When I asked him why he wanted me to see Cyberbully, he told me he just wanted to see if I would cry.

Harry stands from the couch, leaving me sitting by myself for a minute while he goes into the kitchen.

His head pops out through the doorway. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"Would you ever, like, kill yourself? Or try? Or something?"

"Um." In my head, I try to come up with the best possible way to tell him that I have tried to commit suicide without it sounding completely morbid. "I have tried." My voice is barely audible when the words leave my mouth, and for a second I think maybe he didn't hear it. But when I hear the clink of silverware hitting plate, I know he did.

I watch as him as he walks out of the other room slowly, never taking his green eyes off of me. "You serious?"

I cough and look away from him. "Yes."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Would you do that? I mean, you're so young... What could have possibly made you want to, like, take your own life?"

Harry walks over to the couch and leans up against the back of it, looking down at me.

I look up at his face. "It's stupid," I tell him truthfully. It was stupid. It was stupid, and pointless, and I was selfish to even think about doing it.

A crease appears between Harry's brows. "I won't judge."

"Yes you will."

"No I will not."

"It was Cameron."

I've never heard Harry laugh so hard. "You're not serious." I nod slowly, shamefully, as if to say, yes I am. "What did he do?"

"He dumped me..." Giving my reasoning for my attempted suicide out loud made me feel stupid. As I said it, I couldn't believe I was actually having this discussion with Harry.

"How'd you do it?"

The laughing begins to die down as I sigh, getting ready to tell him the truth. "I told the nurse I was in a lot more pain than I really was. She left me with the whole bottle of painkillers." I shake my head at the memory of that nurse, laughing lightly. "I'm pretty sure she quit nursing after she found out what I did."

"That's horrible." There's still a hint of a smile on Harry's lips. "I, uh, actually tried once, too."

"No," I say, a bit shocked.

"Yeah. I downed a whole bottle of vanilla extract."

I blink. "You're kidding."

Harry snorts. "I wish," he says. "I was, like, ten."

"Ten? What, did the double-digit multiplication get too hard for you?"

He chuckles. "These kids bullied me because I was too short," his voice sounds sad, weak. "And double-digit multiplication is hard."

We laugh together again for a little bit until an awkward silence washes over us.

Harry is the one to break the quiet. "I'm glad he broke up with you." I raise a brow. "I mean... I know how bad that sounds, but if he didn't I wouldn't have you now. It sounds selfish, yeah, but, like, you mean a lot to me, ya know? I'm glad you're letting me into your life instead of that... sack of dog shit."

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"Besides the fact that he made you want to do that to yourself? Lots of reasons."

"Like?"

"He picked on me all through high school. I never got why." He takes in a long breath. "I was there when you guys first met-- I think you had just first met, I mean. When he hit you with that ball. He was aiming for me."

"Oh." I look down at my lap, feeling sad all of a sudden that I dated a guy who was just such shit to other people.

When I look at him again, there are tears pooling in his eyes, his irises a duller green than usual. Paler than I've ever seen them. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I love you." The look on his face after he says the words tells me that he didn't mean to actually say them out loud.

All of the air leaves my lungs as I sit beside Harry speechlessly.

--

wOAh

did that suck ?

sooo this story is gonna start wrapping up soon and theres only gonna be like maybe ten more chapters (maybe less) ????

vote and comment pls !!!!!!

-mel