When I Look Up At The Stars

29 | dawn

But you told me, that you loved me.

And sometimes, it makes me realize- that maybe I wasn't just a comet, or an asteroid- or even a giant planet to you.

Maybe I was a star to you too.

It makes me wish that our little break from eternity lasted a lifetime.

It hurts to know, that my arms- the very ones that were made to hold my soulmate close to my heart, were the ones that held her in her dying breaths, and let the life slip out of her.

I hate myself for it.

But I know you aren't gone. You can't be. I know you've returned simply returned to your home in the universe- scattered across the cosmos like the stars.

And I know you're there. Somewhere- something that weaves together galaxies, and clusters, like dark matter. Invisible, but there.

My cosmic insignificance was once reassuring. But now?

I don't think I could ever see the stars the same way, knowing that you once listened to me with them, but won't anymore. I don't think I could ever hear of a galaxy, or a star- without thinking about you.

Now, every time I look up, into the starry skies- not only do I see a graveyard of the brightest stars that I once poured my heart out to, but I also see a painful reminder of everything I lost.

You.

I loved you. I still love you.

A part of me loved you from the very beginning even if I didn't realize it.

Because you made something as beautiful as the night sky look mundane.

I spent my whole life, looking up at the stars when all I had to do was find you. You were the very stars that I wanted to venture out to, the ones that I loved.

I should have been looking at you.

Acceptance seems a finger's breadth away, but I can't seem to grasp it. I don't know how to cope.

And so, I did something. Maybe it's my ridiculous way of clinging onto you, or my way of pretending like things are okay- and you're still here.

I named two stars after us.

In the constellation of Orion, right below the belt of three stars- in a distant galaxy, far, far away from our own local cluster, is a binary system of stars.

One named Stella, and one named Axel.

It was the first constellation I told you about.

And if in some part of the universe, be it lightyears or parsecs away- Stella and Axel can be together till the very end of their times, then I wouldn't hesitate to do anything in my power to make it happen.

So, I did. They made it official, even sent me a little necklace and a map of the stars. I set my old telescope up so that I could maybe find them.

It took me an hour. But I found them.

And It took me another minute to realize that they didn't simply appear blurred because something was wrong with the telescope, but because my eyes were filling with tears again.

Stella and Axel seem to be happy in their quaint little corner of their universe.

Their little tale seems cheery enough. Not ours.

Humans have long told their tales through the stars- but no one's ever told them a tale.

It's time someone changed that.

You told me that the stars could hear me, even if they never respond. I've spent my whole life, telling them about the most mundane things of my own life- but no more.

They deserve a greater story.

A tale worthy of universes- the tale of the angel of the stars and how she saved a man who simply loved them.

Maybe it'll take a lifetime to tell the story because there was a universe's worth of words and feelings left unsaid- but it will keep you alive. In memories, in stories, and tales of tragic love.

I love you. I will never be able to make up for not saying it to you, but I know that you're still out there- and I know that one day, you'll hear me. Even if it takes a month, a year, or even a lifetime, because, Stella-

When I look up at the stars,
I will only ever tell them about you.

-T H E  E N D-

I built this book on the foundation that not everyone gets what they think is a happy ending.

I made it a point to show you backstories of characters- none of whom, had happy endings to emphasize that. and sometimes, it's okay, because it's how life works.

thank you all, so, so much for reading, voting, commenting- and all your support on this book. I'm truly very grateful <3

a request: please don't post hints/spoilers anywhere.

since this is an action/adventure/mystery-romance, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell others (or hint at) what happens- at any point of the story.

there isn't going to be a sequel. while I do have ideas for future unrelated works, I think it'll be a while before I start a new book :')

so, until then, farewell and be well xx

with love,

Cassiopeia.