angel. h.s ✔️

twenty two.

I was pushed to the ground before I realised what was happening and I fumbled with the button on his jeans with shaking fingers.

I knew without words what I was supposed to do, this is how it went with Tommy more often than not.

I cringed as I pulled down his jeans and boxers at the same time, rushing to get it over with. Fear fuelling all of my actions and I tried to shut my thoughts off as I wrapped my hand around him, moving up and down.

I forced down onto him with a quick and rough shove and I felt him hit the back of my throat, my eyes watering as I moved up and down. Luke's hands rough around my neck as he made sure I pleasured him the way he liked.

I sucked and bobbed and cried until I felt like throwing up, my gag reflex getting more action tonight than it had seen in a long time. I was pushed away once more and I stumbled onto my bum as I looked up at him.

"Take your jeans off."

I shook my head without thinking, cringing as Luke took a step towards me, his fist clenched as he followed me around the floor of his kitchen as I kept shifting away from him, the reality sinking for what felt like the hundredth time.

I could cope with him kissing me but I didn't think I could cope with what he wanted next.

The tears were thick and fast as Luke pinned me down on the cold tiles, one of his hands wrapped tightly around my arms as he pulled my jacket off roughly whilst the other before moving onto my jeans and I kicked at his chest.

I screamed as my head met the floor with a loud crack making me shut my eyes tightly in an attempt to dull the pain. The cold air and flooring hit my legs and I sobbed loudly as I realised Luke had gotten my jeans off, or at least to my ankles.

"No!" I screamed out, "I don't want this!"

I could barely see and I didn't know if that was because there was a horrible pain in my head or because I was crying so much. The only sound I could hear was the rushing of my blood in my ears and my loud wrecked sobs.

"I want this." Luke hissed before he pressed his lips to mine again and I struggled against my better judgement. Screaming again as my head hit the floor for the second time in a few minutes.

"You're making your boyfriend so happy."

I screamed as a sharp tearing pain ripped through me and I screwed my eyes tightly shut as I tried not to hear the grunts coming from above me. I could feel him, feel him the same way I felt Tommy.

It was familiar and it was different, I knew how Tommy liked sex. He liked it rough, kind of like this which I hated but I got pleasure from that because I knew Tommy was enjoying himself.

There was too much pain now for me to be in any kind of pleasure and I couldn't stop crying. The pain never subsided as I shifted on the cold floor, Luke's hands wrapped around any part of my body he could reach.

I tried to think of something else, something to take me away from this and from this pain but I was struggling to think of something happy. The only happy thing that had been in my life lately was Harry.

The sudden thought of Harry made me cry even harder, he was going to hate me, be disgusted with me. He wouldn't want anything to do with me ever again.

The tell tale surge of something warm filling me was the only notice I got that it was over and I kept my eyes twisted shut, too scared to open them. Too ashamed to open them. My body was stinging as I felt him pull out of me.

I heard Luke pouring a drink and his foot steps walking away from me and I opened my eyes to find myself alone in the kitchen. I pulled myself up the best I could, but I was in so much pain. My entire body felt like it was broken.

I glanced down at myself, the white fluid leaking out of me wasn't an uncommon sign, Tommy hated condoms. The red however was. I could feel the small lunch I'd eaten several hours earlier rising in my throat as I stared at my blood.

I moved as quickly as I could, biting on my lip so hard I drew more blood as I tried to silence my sobs, it hurt to move. My head was throbbing, my core was stinging and I could still feel liquid pooling in my underwear as I dressed.

I didn't know if it was semen or blood. I didn't want to know.

I sucked in the air as I stumbled outside, my coat clutched in my shaking hands. I didn't know what to do, I had to go home but it hurt too much to move. I didn't want to call Tommy, he had inflicted this upon me.

I know I had upset him but I would have taken his fists over this pain any day. I couldn't call Tommy, he wouldn't care. As long as he got what he wanted. I definitely couldn't call my Mother because I didn't have a death wish.

Although I did, I felt like stepping in front of a train.

I was almost crawling along the pavement as I tried to find a street sign in an attempt to point me in the direction of the nearest tube station. I crumpled to the ground as pain shot through my stomach and I felt like screaming 'What now?'

I didn't have any way to get home without the tube, I didn't have anyone to call to help me, not that I deserved help. I deserved this, I really did. I understood why Tommy was mad at me but that didn't stop the angry from growing inside of me.

I screamed out in rage, not caring about any of the residents, not caring that it was almost half past eleven.

I fucking hated my boyfriend. I fucking hated Tommy Scott.

And I fucking hated Luke Jones. And Zayn, and Calum and Rich and Ben and the fucking Red Syndicate. I hated the lot of them. I hated everything.

But most importantly I hated myself for letting this happen.