📜 Old Critiques | 04/30/2021

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[NEARLY FULLY OPEN] for FrennzyChaos

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[NEARLY FULLY OPEN] for FrennzyChaos

*Be sure to check out the relevant chapters from the critique book, namely 🚪 FIRST IMPRESSIONS and 🚪 FIRST FIFTY PAGES to know the guidelines I'm critiquing by!

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FIRST SENTENCE

Let's see if you've hooked your readers by giving them a first sentence that intrigues, one that accomplishes any of the following:

• states something odd or out of place
• implies something bad is going to happen
• getting your readers to ask a question (why, how, is that true?)
• simply writing something beautiful

So here's what you have:

"Vale bolted through the door of her cookie-cutter house as soon as her mother, Kriss turned her back."

Doesn't quite tick off any of the bullet points, though there is movement built into the sentence, which is lovely! I suppose the sentence could get readers to ask why Vale is bolting through the door, but it's not quite odd or eye-catching enough, at least for me. 

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