From Spring to Summer

Chapter 5

"Come on. You've definitely seen the commercial for it. Salma Hayek! The seductress vampire in From Dusk Till Dawn."

His eyes lit up halfway. I couldn't tell if he knew who I was talking about but I already grew tired of convincing.

"You remember." I opened my beer can and took a sip.

"I don't know too much about her life."

I proceeded to tell him about her. How she was paralyzed as a teenager, how she started painting from her bed, her socialist politics, her rocky relationship with Diego Rivera. Her brief affair with Trotsky before he got an ice pick to the skull. Her stuff was deeply emotional. So raw. I respect it. That's what I told him.

"We should go together," I offered.

He nodded his head and gulped the remaining beer in his mouth. "Yes, we shall!"

There was a heavy knock on my door.

"Can you get that, it's the food. I'm going to use the bathroom."

"Sure."

I dashed to the bathroom as I gave him directions on where to find the cash. I made sure my legs were shaved and I was fresh. That's totally a date right? Half of me is proud of myself for being being upfront and the other half of me is confused as to why I'm scared of asking him to hang out. We're friends after all. I guess.

I came outside to Cillian who was already unpacking the food. I got us glasses of milk to tame the incoming spice. When you eat spicy food, water doesn't help because those oils coat your tongue. But milk is the only thing that can really neutralize it. Something like that at least.

He awkwardly grasped at his chopped sticks.

"Not a lot of chopsticks in Ireland?"

"Not quite, no," he said intensely focusing on his hands.

I leaned forward and properly adjusted his fingers.

"I just need to get the hang of it," he insisted.

I dug into my food and watched for his reaction.

"This is delicious," he declared. His mouth was studded with a prawn head. I was too into my food to even giggle at his excitement.

"I'm glad you like it." I responded two minutes later.

I turned on the tv to Curb Your Enthusiasm. We recently got HBO and we've been abusing it. We watched about 2 episodes since eating. Des would kill me if she knew I watched it without her.

"New York has so much. Szechuan food. Seinfeld."

I burst out laughing.

"I thought you were on the verge of a reflective rant!"

"I mean that's pretty reflective! No, no. Well you've been there. As beautiful as Cork is, it's not New York. It's a place you go to when you want to settle down with your family and-."

"And New York is where you can come and play?"

That shut him up quickly ha.

He softly said something to himself, I couldn't make it out.

I got up to turn off some of the lights. I grabbed the blanket and sat next to him. Instead of awkwardly edging away from him, my knees pointed to him.

"What were you saying I couldn't hear you."

I wasn't trying to be seductive in any way. I was seriously asking.

He straightened his posture at my arrival.

"I said you're right."

I raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Yes and no."

"Can you explain! Stop being cryptic."

He laughed and grasped some vegetables in his dry pot. He bit into a whole chili pepper. Even I don't attempt that. His smirk was wiped clean once the heat settled in his mouth. He flared his nostrils and tried to soothe himself. I couldn't stop laughing. His face went red and he grabbed the glass of milk. Amongst my laughter, he gulped a copious amount of milk. I couldn't breathe. His nose was running even.

He started giggling at my reaction. I don't think I laugh much around him. Because shit isn't funny lol.

I calmed down and leaned back on the couch.

"Oh man that was actually funny."

He plopped back beside me as he caught his breathe from the heat. He turned to me. His lips were stained red. His skin returned to his normal pinkish white. He edged close to me extending his arm on the couch. Is this a move? I laid my head on his chest. His sweater was so thick I couldn't hear his heartbeat, but I could feel his heat. I motioned my head up to him and looked in his eyes. I fucked up there. Really bad. I leaned in and grasped his lips with mine. But before I could even process it, he pulled back.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I looked like a deer in headlights. Why did I do that?

He moved back from me and cleared his throat. I still hadn't moved. I quickly took my eyes off of him and started at the ground. I made sure to move it around, everywhere but him.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled while still looking at the ground.

"No," he croaked. He cleared his throat. "No, um, I should have been clear about that."

Clear about what? Boundaries? Me?

"I just don't think it's wise, you know."

No, I don't know. But I slowly nodded anyway.

"I think it's best if we remain... the way we are."

I'm going to throw up.

"We've always been better friends than anything else."

I'm not your friend. Never have and never will be.

"You're right," I croaked.

By this point my face had been wiped clean from my smiles. My jaw was clenched and my face was stern. I couldn't deal with this. This is just straight up embarrassing. There's no point in asking why. He doesn't want this. His face looked pitiful. Like he'd been stressing over the thought of breaking it to me, that he wants to be the monogamous family man. And I don't really fit that picture.

No stronger bond than matrimonial I guess.

We watched two more episodes of Curb and he went home. I didn't want the cookies so he took it with him. I cried myself to sleep.

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