Liberty - A Harry Potter fan fiction

Chapter 14 - Spiraling out of Control

The summer months went by quickly and soon enough it was September 1st, the day that, if things were still somewhat normal, I would be heading to Kings Cross for school. But since Dumbledore's death and the Ministry of Magic being crushed from within, I wasn't permitted to go back. My assistance was needed at Malfoy Manor, though I wasn't sure why. The Dark Lord hadn't given me any tasks as he'd done last Christmas, but he didn't kill me either. I was completely at his mercy.

I avoided Draco as much as I could, though he took mischief in trying to catch me off guard with stolen kisses. I took refuge in the library of the manor while Narcissa always seemed to want him with her. I'd finally stopped calling him Malfoy after his father's taunting became too much.

This was quite a predicament Bellatrix had put us in. I secretly wondered if the Dark Lord knew the truth and was gleefully watching us struggle. There were times when I'd find my eyes locked on his, as I stood beside Draco and his parents, and hoped that maybe he would deem me useless and just kill me already. But he never did. It was almost as if he had a more in depth plan, a plan he refused to tell any of us, even Bellatrix who remained his right hand woman.

I missed school. I wondered about my parents and sister, and even how Ginny and Dean were doing. I suspected that Dean was in hiding, with him being part muggle born. Ginny and Lavender I knew to be safe because of their pure blood status, even if they'd been deemed "blood traitors" by association with their parents. I wondered what the golden trio were up to. Harry Potter was most wanted, Hermione was a mudblood and Ron was a blood traitor and would be tortured for information about Harry so I doubted any of them were back at Hogwarts.

Lying in bed at night with Draco certainly was different than lying alone. It was a nice, comfortable feeling, but at the same time, my mind could never seem to shut itself off. Thoughts evaded it in the wee hours of the night, thoughts of my growing affections for him, thought of my hatred for my current situation and the ones who'd put me here. I knew that with our fates in the Dark Lords hands, thanks to Bellatrix. I knew I should subcome to these affections for Draco and see where it took me. Deep down, under the guard that I continued to put up against him, I wanted him. And badly. There'd been a few slips but I never let myself go too far with Draco. Sex was not a top priority to me, more particularly sex when it was my first time, under these circumstances.

However as the weeks went by, we felt ourselves soften around each other. We changed in front of each other without embarrassment; we cuddled at night and even used the bathroom together when time was running short to get ready for the many impromptu meetings the Dark Lord held at the manor.

After one particular night where the Dark Lord had tortured us both until we could barely stand, I finally broke. I'd gone from having no fears about being a death eater, to longing for my old lonely life back. Draco and I helped each other up the stairs to his room and collapsed on the bed. I woke him from a dead sleep with my sobs.

"Libby?" I heard him mumble and looked over to see his eyes were opened, one of them a mere slit over a puffed black and blue coloring.

A shocked look came to his face as he saw mine, as swollen and puffy as his own with tears soaking into the pillow. He wrapped his arms around me and shuffled closer. I didn't know I could cry anymore but at his comfort, my sobs grew louder and longer. I could hear him shushing me, feel him rubbing my back but I couldn't stop. It felt like hours before I finally calmed down, but it couldn't have been more than 20 or 30 minutes. I pulled my face back to thank him. He looked at me and I noticed that he'd also been crying.

"He's going to kill us," I said. It was my greatest fear lately.

"I won't let him hurt you," Draco said.

At those words, I couldn't not kiss him. Taking his face in my hands, I felt him doing the same. Our lips met and everything else was lost on me. I melted into him, as I'd done every other time we kissed. I didn't hate him anymore. I knew in that moment that I could never hate him again.

I was quickly losing control, spiraling off into my emotions and letting them take over. I was about to pull him over top of me, not caring what would happen after that, but Draco broke our kiss to look at me. He laid on his back and crushed my body to his, wrapping me into his arms.

"Damn it Libby." He mumbled so low, I almost wondered if he were talking to himself. "I feel as if I'm falling in love with you. We're not the same snarky, competitive kids anymore." He muttered into my hair. "It's so hard not to lose control with you. The circumstances are too much to really enjoy having time with you. It makes me stop before things go too far. But it's so hard to stop."

I breathed a sigh. He had somehow just said everything I was tossing around in my mind, wording it perfectly so that everything fell into order. I told him so and felt him smile into my hair. A thought then came to mind as he resumed kissing me. My hair, my ears, neck and back to my mouth. I fought to grasp onto the thought and pushed him away.

"Draco." I said breathily. "We've both been tortured. It would only hurt more."

I heard him groan as he realized I was right. He pulled back to lay on his side of the bed and we stayed there in silence. I was just about asleep again when I felt his hand push my hair over my shoulder as he leaned over to whisper one last thing to me.

"One day we won't have to worry about this and we can be as intimate as we want." 

I could picture his smirk perfectly but didn't reply. I slipped into sleep, thankful to have some answers to the questions that had been bugging me.