Always, Omi

Chapter 5

07/21/20

Dear Atsumu,

A few days ago, I had my leg surgery. My parents came by, too, you said, to boost morale and support. I don't really remember much from that day because I was asleep most of the time. But it was successful!

You were always at work or sleeping whenever I stirred awake at untimely hours. Sometimes I end up thinking I should wake you up because I don't want to spend a day without hearing a story from you, but I figured you needed to rest too. I miss actively listening to you for hours on end. I want to ask you how you are or hear you complain about your work.

I don't want you to worry, but I don't like sparing information from you, which is why I'll be honest. These past few days I've been feeling really tired. I always sleep and I feel worn out even though all I do is stay on this bed. With my leg on its way to healing, I only have my headaches to worry about. Sometimes they get really intense which leaves me no choice but to press the emergency button by my headboard, and as the seconds before the nurse arrives slow down like hours, it's your name I always find myself repeating.

Atsumu. Atsumu. Atsumu.

I get scared I might forget you the second time around; that I'm going to give you more pain in addition to what you're dealing with right now.

So when the nurse arrives and gives me a dose of pain relievers that cause drowsiness, I try to hold on and fight back. I try to stay awake. I'm scared to wake up in an unfamiliar room again, to see you but not know it's you. But the medicine is too strong for me, I end up falling unconscious.

And then I eventually wake up. I'm still at the hospital, I still don't remember anything from before the accident, but there's a blanket of comfort in knowing I still remember this second life, somehow. During these moments of relief, I find myself looking at our engagement ring on my finger. I stare at it as if by staring hard enough, flashbacks would come. They never did. I would fall asleep hoping.

Atsumu, I cannot wait to recover from all this and have you take me to places we've been to together. We will hang out with family and friends like we used to. We will take lots of pictures and record lots of videos to store these new memories. You said I wasn't fond of photographs but I promise I will smile wider now. I noticed I didn't seem to make my smile look evident in the pictures you've shown me. But I'm sure we both know it. That I was happy being with you in those moments.

Ah, you just got back from buying snacks. You're smiling really wide at me and you keep asking me about this letter. You'll read them soon enough. I'm ending this here because you're trying to tease me by pretending to snatch it.

Always,

Omi