youngblood | a.i.

sixty one || blunder

Track Fifteen You're Somebody Else
flora cash
number 15... your song.

Track Sixteen Fine Line
Harry Styles
We were supposed to be alright... You promised.

My song was number 15... You're Somebody Else.

I clicked down to it, letting it play out as it was one of the only ones I didn't immediately recognize. I turned down the sound, hating the way it haunted every part of this room.

Well you look like yourself
But you're somebody else
Only it ain't on the surface
Well you talk like yourself
No, I hear someone else though
Now you're making me nervous

When I heard that chorus, I knew exactly why she'd chosen it. I wasn't who she thought I was, and that hurt more than anything else.

She'd never trust me again. I'd destroyed her beyond repair at this point. The picture that she'd painted of me looks better in her mind because that's who I truly was, but now she saw me for who I used to be.

She saw me for the person I hated, the person I'd changed from to be better for her. It was the least she deserved. She deserved for me to be the picture she'd painted in her mind, but I'll never be able to meet those expectations after this.

I just wished Luke had let me fix it like I'd tried so many times to. This wasn't all my doing anymore- it was him too.

But in the end, when it came down to it, I made up the bet. I'd made up the reason she's in pain right now, and I selfishly went along with it so I could finally fill that craving for her.

She deserved so much better than me, and I'd never be able to give that to her.

Her song was track 16, Fine Line.

Because I'd promised her we'd be alright, but a promise never stays, huh?

I could just only hope one day we would be okay.

Because say this had been a game to me, which it never was, but everyone else seems to think it is. But say this was a game of chess- Angel would have been the queen, and I would have been the pawn defending her. Because I was a pawn in everyone else's game, trying to protect the most important piece on the board to me.

But she made every right move, and I defended her til the last play, even when I was put in a position to give up myself to save her. So I did, I gave myself up to the other team in order to save her.

But Andrew wiped our board clean, and now here we laid, in shambles on the floor as his piece stood tall as the last on the board.

She was always the most powerful piece, with or without me. But I ended up causing her death in the end. I caused her zugzwang because I blundered. I caused her checkmate, and this was endgame.

"Angel."

I spun around in her desk chair at the sound of her voice, pausing the music to hear her low mumbles.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" I asked back as I walked over towards her.

She was wrapped up in her bedding, on the right side like she always claimed. She laid facing me as I kneeled down to be eye level with her. She slowly opened her eyes, looking just as broken as she had hours before. Her eyes were puffy, rimmed with red to match her tear-stained cheeks.

"Why are you still here?" she mumbled, rolling over so she didn't have to look at me.

I sighed as I stood up, knowing I had been the one to cause her that pain and now she couldn't even look me in the eyes because of it. "I, uhh- I didn't want to leave you alone again," I explained as I walked back over to the desk, obvious to me she didn't want me near.