On The Edge

Chapter thirteen

Alexandra Watson

I was sitting on the window seat, like I usually did, and watched the sun set. I had my phone in my hand, I kept turning it on and off, not knowing what to do. It was the beginning of summer and I only had a few exams left until I was done with highschool. It had been 2 weeks since the carnival and I last saw Jackson. Jeremy and I had barely talked since. He had told me that our relationship was over if I kept seeing Jackson. So I hadn't seen Jeremy since that.

Jackson and I nearly kissed, but he pulled away and I didn't know what to say, so I hadn't seen him either. Jeremy and I had been friends forever and I didn't want to ruin it, but Jackson and I had something special. When we touched I felt pure joy, when we talked we connected and he got me. He made me feel things I'd never felt before. But he pulled away in the ferris wheel. What was that supposed to mean? He clearly didn't want to be with me. Maybe I was the only one, who felt we connected deeply mentally and physically.

I felt so lonely not seeing either of them, and I'd been sick most of the time. On top of that the nightmares was getting worse. They became so bad that I had went to the doctor who gave me some sleep medication, which only made me feel foggy and nauseous. I didn't use them and that meant I didn't really sleep.

The sun was now gone and black clouds started moving in. I opened the window and breathed in. The humidity was high and the wind cold, which together with the forest created a perfect sweet sent. I loved a good storm, both the smell and the sound of it was so soothing.

I kept thinking, that if only I talked with someone about it, then the nightmares would stop. The only downside was that I didn't want anyone to. I was so sick of feeling like this. Sometimes it almost felt like I was suffocating.

The rain started and I closed the window. I wasn't going to feel better if I didn't do anything about it, so I gathered up some courage and picked up the phone.

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I watched as the car pulled up the driveway. My mom always went to bed early, but to be on the safe side, I'd told him he had to go in through my window. He got out of the car, sending me a small smile. I returned it. I could feel my heart beating faster as he climbed up a tree to get to the roofside outside my window. I suddenly felt silly for calling him. Did I really make him come all the way out here because I couldn't sleep. What was I even going to say to him? I should really have thought this over before calling him.

I watched his arm muscles work as he climbed in the rain. His biceps and triceps working beautifully. I wondered how it would feel to touch them, or to be held in his arms. As I gained eye contact with him I realised he caught me staring at him. I turned away from the window, feeling my face become hot. I was blushing and slowly getting nervous. I was going to be alone with him, I had no clue what to say and my palms were getting really sweaty.

I took one last glance in mirror, to make sure I looked okay. I was wearing my NYU sweatshirt and a pair of skinny jeans. My hair was loose and straight, and I had no makeup on my face. Maybe I should just have done a little bit about my appearance. Oh well, that was too late now.

My head was spinning as I tried to find out what to do, when I heard something knocking softly on the window.

There he was. In the rain. Kinda soaked. The upper part of his t-shirt was clinging to his shoulders, showing the definition under. His dark hair was soaked, dripping actually and nearly reaching his eyes. His eyes, I'd never seen anyone have eyes like those. Their warm golden brown tone made my knees weak. He smiled at me, and made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

"Hi Jackson," I opened the window to let him in.

"Hey you," he climbed in and closed the window behind him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I tucked my hair behind my ear and turned away as I felt my cheeks starting to burn. "I'll get you a towel."

"No, I can tell something is wrong," he grabbed my wrist and sat down on my bed, gesturing I did the same.

I sat down besides him and tried to avoid his gaze. This was stupid, I shouldn't have called him.

"Tell me," he tried again. I looked up into a face filled with worry and a pair of furrowed brows.

I sighed and laid down on my back, whilst looking at the ceiling.

"I just... I can't sleep. I keep having nightmares about the night at the club, and I have nobody to talk with. I don't want my mom or Jeremy to know."

"How long have you had them?" He asked.

"I guess since it happened, it has just gotten worse. I- I just don't feel safe," my eyes started to fill with tears. He laid down besides me and pulled me into his chest. A single tear rolled down my cheek and he brushed it away.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm here for you and there's nothing to be embarrassed about."

And for a moment we just laid there, listening to each other breath. Or rather him breathing and me sobbing.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?" I asked and broke the silence.

"Sure."

I sat up, found my laptop and put on a random movie. For a moment I just sat there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with myself. At last I laid down with my head on his chest and watched the movie. I felt safe lying there with him in silence, like no one could hurt me.

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