The Pain Change Her

26

People change, they all have a reason to change. There are many reasons like you were hurt by what your family did to you, like not telling the truth. You were hurt because of what your dearest friend did to you. Most of all, hurt by the person you thought loved you.Over two years I can say that the pain I felt in the past has been replaced by happy memories of two years with my friend and mom. I have also changed a lot inside, from the way I dress, my habits and even the way I look at people. Because I am no longer the one like before who just believes in people who show good behavior in front of me.

I think im change a lot and i like it.

"Alli? Are you sure you're going home to the Philippines."Kath asked worriedly."Is it because of what happened at school? Tell me, I want to know what changed your mind to think about returning to the Philippines."

I smiled at her.I put my cellphone down on the table and sipped my tea then I spoke."Not that incident. I just thought this was a good opportunity to return to the Philippines.I have no intention of going back to the place where I was hurt if that's what you're thinking. I miss the heat of the Philippines so I'd like to go back. I also need to take care of something and then maybe I'll come back here. You can stay first here while I'm there or come with me for a short vacation there."

She let out a deep sigh."I'm just thinking about you but if that's your final decision I can't do anything but to support you.Susuportahan kita,wag kang mag-alala dahil sasama ako sayo hindi pa'ko baliw para pabayaan ka don noh!Afterall i am your bestfriend."and smile.

I nodded."Sya nga pala.Ano na nga pala ang balita sa mommy mo? Is she okay?Has she been discharge from the hospital? What are the doctor's findings on her?"

"Wag ka ng masyadong mag-alala kay mama. Nagpupumilit na nga ulit na pumasok dahil nakaone week daw syang absent.How about you and Hanzel?"

Mula sa pagkakaharap sa T.V napalingon ako kay Kath ng banggitin nya ang pangalan ni Hanzel.

Mabigat akong napabuntong hininga."We still have a love quarrel.look, I'm asking him why he doesn't answer my call. Then I'll know that Brandy is with him at Bar freak him. I hate him."

Napailing sya sa sinabi ko."Have you ever asked him if he's having a problem?"

"Kagabi habang pinupunasan ko sya tinanong ko sya.He said nothing but I was not satisfied with his answer. So I called Brandy and found out that ......... Remz is here in the states."napayuko ako.

I know now that Kath is looking at me in shock.Pagkatapos kong malaman ang bagay ma iyon tinanong ko ang sarili ko.May nararamdaman pa ba ako sa kanya?.Kinapa ko naman ang sarili ko.Pero kahit ang puso ko sinasabing galit ang nararamdaman ko sakanya.

"You need to make up with Hanzel now, Alli. Lower your pride now because he needs you more."

Suddenly,my eyebrows quirks up."Why?"

"Didn't he tell you earlier that apart from Remz being here in the states, his mother also died? I only talked to him yesterday."

"Bakit hindi nya sinabi sakin?"

"When I was talking to him he said he didn't want to add to your thoughts so he didn't tell you yesterday."

My forehed knot."Kung ganon alam mong nandito si Remz sa U.S at sinabi sayo ni Hanzel na wala na si tita and you didn't even bother to tell me?"

"I-Im sorry."

I was disappointed in myself. I thanked Kath before going to Hanzel's condo. The whole area was quiet when I got inside I just saw Hanzel come out of the room still wet hair.

"H-Hey!Hindi ka nagsabing pupunta ka."

I smiled and walk towards him and hug him tightly i feel that he was so shocked cause this is the first time that i hug him.Sinagot ko sya five months ago,niligawan nya kasi ako ng mag second year college kami.I saw how sincere you are to me so I gave him a chnace.Sa limang buwan relasyon namin puro lang kami away mga tamang hinala atsa maliliit na bagay kami nag-aaway.He's too mature for someone like me. So even though I'm getting too much, he still lowers himself just so that the trouble doesn't get worse.Kaya hindi ko sya nagbibiyan ng time na dapat ginagawa ko as his girlfriend.Sometimes I wonder if I really deserve a man like him? I know. I'm wrong in thinking that thing, the questions about our relationship suddenly flash in my mind.

Too many question.So many questions going through my mind I feel like I'm going crazy thinking about how to answer that freaking question flashing in my mind.But when I think of him he goes back to the past. My thoughts become okay again, it seems that it becomes peaceful again."Sorry."

"Huh!?"

Umiling ako."Two people told me the reason why you are like that. I'm sorry because I can't do anything to make you feel better. I'm sorry because I raise my pride even more than I talk to you and apologize for my mistakes. I'm childish because I think of myself now more than other people. I'm sorry for not being mature enough."

Nagtaas ako ng tingin upang tingnan ang muka nya.Nakangiti ito.Hanzel is a kind person so I won't regret it if he is the one I can be with for the rest of my life. I feel how much he loves me every day he considers me a special thing that he needs to take good care of. Even if I can't say I love him I know how special he is to me.

"Im sorry kung hindi ko nasabi sayo ayoko na kasing dumagdag pa sa iniisip mo."

I lay on his lap and he gently stroked my head.

"You are my boyfriend and whatever your problem is, you should tell me. So that I am aware and give you what you need. We are together but you keep a lot of secrets from me.Sana aware ka na nakakapagtampo ang ginagawa mo!"

He pinched the bridge of my nose."Sorry na po."

"Nagugutom ako."nakangusong reklamo ko."Tea lang ang almusal ko kanina."

"I don't have shock food in the refrigerator. But if you want let's just eat outside."

Tumango ako at tumayo."May nakita akong malapit na restaurant dito parang ang sarap ng foor nila don.Dapat libre mo wala akong dalang pera dahil nagmadali akong pumunta rito to check on you."

He salute."Yes,Milady."

"So let's go?"

"Ahm...Yeah."

Sa kotse habang nagdadrive sya.Nagusap kami tungkol kay tita siguro pagtapos naming kumain pupunta kami sa burol nya.Hindi ko magawang magtanong kung papanong namatay si tita., I don't want to see him get upset so I changed the subject.We talk about work. And my plan to go back to the philippines.I'm even more excited.Nalaman kong sasama pala sya saamin.

When we arrived at the restaurant someone called Hanzel so he left me for a while and I was the one who ordered what we were going to eat.Ilang saglit na paghihintay may lalaking nakatayo sa harap ko kaya tumingin ako.Ganon nalang ang pagbabago ng timpla ko ng makita kung sino ang lalaking nakatayo sa harap ko.

"H-How are you?"

I smiled."Im good."

"Y-Your with?"

"My boyfriend,Hanzel."

"I-It's been two year since we saw each other."

"Yeah."

"D-Date?"

I nodded."Kind of."

"You change a lot."

Hindi ako umimik.

"Will you accept my apology?K-Kung hindi ay ayos lang kung matatanggap mo mas okay naman."mahinang sabi nya.

Sinamaan ko sya ng tingin."Ano ba talaga ang ipinunta mo rito?Iyang sorry ba?Huh!Sa tingin mo ganon ganon nalang yun?In two years away from you! I'm okay. But did you know that when I found out you were here in the states, everything disappeared.Tapos saan ka ba nakakuha ng kakapalan jg muka para lumapit at manghingi ng tawad?Fvck ypur apology"

Mapait syang napangiti."Your suspicion is correct. I came here because I found out you were here. I came here to apologize to you. But it was a wrong idea to come to you to apologize."

"Get out of my sight!"mahinang usal ko.

"N-No."

Yumukom ang kamao ko."Ano pa ba ang kailangan mo sakin? sinabi ko na naman sayo diba?Hindi ko tatanggapin ang sorry mo!"

"G-gusto kong ayusin lahat...."

"Gago ka ba?Manhid?Niloloko mo ba ang sarili mo!Go away because even if you kneel in front of me, I will never forgive you! The word sorry is not enough for all the pain you made me feel."

Yumuko ito."Yeah,Even though! I still won't give up apologizing to you because I know that the Kyze I know is still there. The forgiving Kyze will forgive me."

I look away naramdaman na unti unti na syang lumalayo.

Nawawalan na ako ng pakialam sa mga tao.

Kahit ako hindi ko narin maintindihan ang puso at utak ko.

Para silang naglalaban.

Siguro nga tuluyan na akong nagbago at ang kapalit ng pagbabagong iyon ay ang pagkawala ng dating ako na hindi ko na kayang ibalik pa.

'I lost my self'

-----
Remz Pov

Sa dalawang taong lumipas.Malaki ang naging pagbabago ng lahat ng tungkol sa kanya alam ko 'yon dahil nabasa ko sa mga magazine na part time student model sya dito sa states.I came here after two years because I only found out last week that he was still here. Even Aunt Darline didn't know where Kyze was after she crashed.Hanggang sa may isang taong nakapagsabi sakin na uuwi na si Kyze sa pilipinas at nandito pala sya sa states.Ngayon ako,nakatingin sa masayang dalawang tao sa loob ng restaurant.Totoong napakalaki ng ipinagbago nya panloob at panlabas ay nagbago na.Kath was right.

[FLASHBACK]

2 years ago,I was on my way to our classroom when someone called me. I immediately looked at her.

"Remz?Pwede ba kitang makausap?"it was Kath,my gf's enemy.

Tumango ako.Ang rude naman kung basta ko nalang syang lalayasan ng hindi man lang inaalam ang sasabihin nya.Goodboy kaya ako.Hehe.

"Sa library nalang."

Magtungo kami papuntang library.

"Anong pag-uusapan natin?"

"I know I did a lot of bad things to Kyze but I did all that for my mommy."

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa pagtataka."What's the point."

"Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang mga bagay bagay.Pero disedido na akong sabihin sayo ang lahat ng nalalaman ko all about Jzelle."

"Huh!?"

"At the time Kyze's ID was missing I saw Jzelle take Kayze to the dark part of the building and slapped her. I investigated Jzelle that time I found out that she had evil intentions. I didn't want to talk to her so I said the thing this to you. You need to keep the woman you love away from the person who is trying to hurt her.Masama ang itinuturing nyang kaibigan,naging masama ako sa kanya dahil sanutos ng mama ko pero ayokong maoahamak sya sa baliw na babaeng iyon."

"Sasabihin ko sa kanya."napatayo ako sa inis.

"N-No!You can't.You just need to take Kyze away from that girl.Kapag nalaman nya 'yon malaki ang magbabago.Pwede nyong maikasira ang lahat lahat ng malalaman ni Kyze.Things can also happen that you would never want to happen.Think carefully, if you say everything I told you everything can change. Even the best woman can change when hurt. Think carefully Remz, don't rush things. Just go with the flow and protect her from pain."

Pagkatapos ng buong maghapon.Umuwi ako sa bahay ng nagiisip kung papaano ko ba maproprotektahan si Kyze sa kaibigan nya.Masyado silang malapit sa isa't isa na halos ang turingan na ay magkaibigan.Ayokong sirain ang bagay na iyon.

I need to think what's the best way to protect my girl.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil dumating ang araw na nangyari ang hindi dapat nangyari.

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad ng tumunog ang telepono ko.Video call with my friend.

"Hey!How's your day?Did you see her?"it's Haizel.

Umiwas ako ng tingin."Yeah."

"Nakausap mo ba?"si Kier."Anong nangyari?"

"We talk."mahinang sabi ko."But she push me away.She change a lot,Sa sobrang laki ng ipinagbago nya halos hindi ko na makita ang Kyze na dati nating kaibigan.Pakiramdam ko ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit anlaki ng ipinagbago ng pagkatao nya.Naiinis ako sa sarili ko.I know it's sounds desperate but i want to win her back and explain everything to her."

I see Jc sigh."Madaling sabihin yan pero kahirap gawin lalo na't nababalitaan namin na sila ni Hanzel aware ka naman don diba?They're look happy with each other."he saide with worried tone on his voice.

"Remz?It's been 2 years since we left her.Inaasahan ko na na hindi nya tayo mapapatawad sa lahat lahat ng gimawa natin sa kanya.Mas lalo na ngayon na hindi na sya ang Kyze na dati nating kilala.Hindi na sya ang Kyzd na pareho nating minahal."Usal ni Cj.

"Wala akong pakealam!All i want is to be with her.Win her back.Dalawang taon pero mahal ko parin sya.Still her,alam nyo rin naman na binigyan ko lang sya ng panahon para makamove on sa nangyari sa kanya at wala akong balak na pakawalan nalang sya ng ga on kahit maging tanga ako sa harap nya i don't care.Tanga na kung tanga!Baliw na kung baliw!Desperado na kung desperado!Gusto kong bumalik sya sakim at gagawa ako ng paraan para mangyari yun.Kahit maging kalaban ko pa si kupido o si tadhana."nauubusan ng pasensyang saad ko.

"You really love her,don't you?"It's Haizel.

"Yes!"mabilis na sagot ko.

"No matter what happend bro!We will support you."sabay sabay na sabi nung tatlo.

"Thank you."

I ended the call.

Wala namang masama kung kukunin ko ang dapat na para saakin!Gagawin ko lahat ng makakaya ko para mabawi ang babaeng nag-iisa sa puso ko.Kahit maging tanga pa ako sa harap nya.

Unknown Number:

Kita tayo.

Im sorry Hanzel but Kyze is mine.