I'm Weak (Pico x Reader) 18+

School : Chapter Four

The rain fell down from the darkened sky in heavy droplets, pelting the earth below. The concrete sidewalks were speckled with a wet gray color with each drop before being completely consumed in the color. The whole world was silent aside from the plinking of the droplets against the puddles formed all around the lot. The cold rain trickled down Y/n's face, mixing and churning with her tears. She looked to the sky for an answer to her lingering question. The restless clouds were being swept away by the strong winds and the light gray clouds were replaced by stronger, darker clouds, filled to the brim with water. The thunder and lightning followed next. The night sky was lit up occasionally due to those bolts of lightning. They crackled through the night, bring the earth to its knees. Y/n let out a cry of pure anguish against the thundering drops and heavy lighting.
She had no control over her life.
She had no power over anything.
She had no one.
She had nothing.
Her ocean was being flooded by the rain drops of realization. The flooding caused the waves of her emotions to crash against her self image with even more force. The waves had always chipped aaway at her rocks. With every hit and insult she received, the rocks of her image were weakened. Before the flood, the rocks were already threatening to topple over. Chunk after chunk of those rocks were being swept into the powerful waves, never to be seen again. They made a loud shriek as they fell into the drink below. Y/n covered her ears. The noise was getting louder. It was unbearable. She could feel herself slipping away with the rain and waves. Her true self. He said he didn't hate her.
So why did she feel worse?
Over time, the waves began to calm down to a crawl. Her breathing found a steady rhythm once more. She picked herself off the ground with much effort. Her uniform was completely soaked along with the rest of her. She must have set there for hours without realizing. She now saw the moon shining through the dark rain clouds. She made her way back to the side door and pulls it open. As she walked through the store she left huge puddles. 'I'll have to clean that before I leave' she thought. Y/n looked up at the clock near the front door of the store. It was 11 pm. Someone must have covered her shift for her. Why the hell did they not come and get her? Y/n went over to the counter to grab her stuff, ignoring the night shift worker. She didn't know their name and she didn't care to either.
The walk home was a strange one. She didn't cry like she'd thought she would. She just stared blankly at her feet as she walked through the rain and through the puddles formed on the barren sidewalks. Y/n didn't feel anything. The only thing to be felt was her physical pain from her fresh bruises. She just wanted to sleep. But she had to cook before she could, her father would give her more than a slap if she didn't make dinner again.
Y/n stumbled to her front door, her feet dragging along with the rest of her heavy body. She flung it open and stood on the muddy doormat. It was now visible just how much water her clothes and hair held as it dripped in a down pour onto the mat and the surrounding carpet. She stood motionless for quite sometime. The plink of the droplets were the only sound to be heard throughout the house, echoing and bouncing off every surface back into
Y/n's ears. She was starting to get sick and tired of hearing silence lately. She missed her headphones, well, more so the fact she could use them to tune out everything around her. There were only two things in this world that made her forget everything: Music and the Forest. The forested area near their house was the usual spot for Y/n to go during her free time. She even has an amp hidden away in a small hut she had made crudely with spare pieces of wood she found laying around the dense woods and a few nails she bought for the project.
With time, the hut started to look more and more like a tiny home. It was the only place where she felt like herself. Most of the summer she would sleep in the hut on spare blankets and a small mattress she saved her money up for. It wasn't the best granted, but it was still a bed and it got the job done. Even though it was her safe haven, she hasn't had the courage to go back out there for quite sometime now. Y/n's thoughts always seemed louder out there in the brush, alone. Whether they are good, or bad.
She couldn't afford to have time to reflect on how much she hated herself. Or how much she didn't want to be alive sometimes. Shaking herself from her deep thought, Y/n makes her way to the kitchen. Still soaking wet, she pulls ingredients out of the old, stained fridge and begins making basic omelets. She didn't want to be yelled at again. Y/n hated cooking for them, but she didn't have any choice but to keep doing it. As the flame flickered on and she placed the pan filled with beaten eggs and spices, her mind panned over to Pico. Y/n wasn't entirely sure why he kept persistently bombarding her thoughts. It wasn't that she was completely terrified by him like she was with her parents, yet she thought of him more than them. So if it wasn't that, then what was it? She didn't have feelings for him at all, so it wasn't that either. There was just something about him she couldn't pin point. It made Y/n want to know him, figure out how his mind ticks and what his motives were. She wanted to believe that somewhere in that monster was a person. But she was afraid to get close to him, she couldn't handle another beating from him if he got upset with her advances. She didn't want a rerun of the first day they met. The smell of burning egg singed her nose hairs and snapped her back into reality. Y/n hastily flicked off the gas and took the pan away from the dying flame. As she flipped it over with her spatula, the black underneath crumbled and steamed, leaving a disappointing aroma. To combat this, she took some cheese and laid it carefully over the black, letting it melt and almost cover it. It was just enough where you wouldn't notice it at first glance. Taste wise, however, not so much. She didn't have the engery to make herself a different one, so she gave the other two good omelets to her parents, taking the slightly burned and covered omelet to her room to eat. She swiftly went into the room and shut the door behind her gently. Setting the plate on her desk, she picked up the bass from it pristine stand and held it close to her chest. She could almost feel its heartbeat and the strong breath of the magnificent instrument. At the end of everyday, Y/n knew that no matter how troubling the day was, this bass would be there for her when she came home.
She cracked open the window and stuck a hand out into the dark night. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, though the dark clouds still loomed ominously above. "Sweet, I can go to the forest if I hurry." she said to herself, going to the closet to pull out some dry clothes. Hastily she tossed the water-heavy clothes in her hamper in the corner of her room and threw on some sweats and a random band t-shirt. She grabbed the strap of the bass and wasted no time throwing it over her shoulder. Flinging the window open, Y/n carefully made her way down the side of her house on the lattice. Once she was close enough to the ground, she jumped off, nearly slipping on the fresh mud. "Fuck that was close..." she cursed outloud, holding tight to the strap around her chest. After jumping over her fence successfully, she began her walk to her home in the forest. The leaves shielded her from the droplets of rain still falling. Occasionally a drop of water would hit her bare arm and sent shivers down her spine. The crickets and cicadas sang in harmony the further into the wood she went. Their humming soothed her mind and made a small smile spread across her face. The moss covered pond soon came into view, telling Y/n she was close. The pond has hidden frogs croaking and chirping to the beat the insects put on. The small fish jump out of the dark water and land with a splash, keeping the whole band of nature in time. Fireflies were dancing to the tune, swinging to-and-fro while lighting up the night sky. Y/n plucked the strings of the bass with the whole of the forest. The forest band welcomed her with open arms and played even louder in a climax. A finally clap from the pond fish sounded the last note, bringing the song to a close. It was beautiful. She stood in the moment of clarity, at peace. The rain started to come down quicker, so she left the pond and the noise behind.
There it was, her little shack. The moss and brush surrounding it felt greener than usual. The moonlight shown down on the entire area through a gap in the trees high above, illuminating it. Once inside, she plugged in her bass to the damp amp. It still worked, thank god, as she strumed the strings. She played whatever came to her mind. Y/n never used sheet music. Just listening to a song, she could know how to play it note for note. Sometimes she would just come up with chords on the fly. All depended on her mood. Today was one of those days. She closed her eyes and her hands went to work. Notes filled the cool, wet air and sparked interest of the forest. Once again, nature chipped in to the song to make perfect music. The night birds twittered and chirped like bows fluttering gracefully across a violin's strings. The crickets pitched in to give a final encore, rubbing their legs vigorously. Even the rain joined into the mix, acting as the percussion to this ensemble of life as it bounced and crashed against the leaves of marble trees.
This was why she kept going.
This was why she was still alive
This was life. Her life.
This is forgiveness.
This is happiness.