My Journey through Men

Mocha - 9" Beginnings

Let me begin with something that has driven me over the years 'Don't let them see the fear, it's not that I'm afraid. I don't want them to realise that I'm truly afraid of something!', sometimes I wonder whether the quote itself is just a shallow hollow ego booster or did it really influence my entire life?

Well let's begin I'm Chris, I'm fearless, I have a saviour complex and mostly I stand up for what's right no matter what the consequence. I'm a lawyer by profession and a fantastic self proclaimed master chef, who lives for the food he cooks cos nobody else would dare try it. I'm an enigma and I've always wondered who would unravel the mystery that's me? I have had many relationships over the course of my 30 years on this planet but then none of those have ever lasted the test of time.

I dabbled with my sexuality in my teens by that I mean I tried dating women for a while but then I realised that my heart wasn't in it and I truly felt nothing. As my obsession for men grew, he entered by life lighting up my burning desire for a man's touch with his charming wit and undeniable charisma.

Theo, my new neighbour who had just moved into the apartment next to ours seemed to have this weird fixation on me. At first I thought it might be because we were of the same age but then I soon realised or I was made to realise that he had a different agenda altogether!

Theo was newly 18, just like me - he could charm the pants off anyone, literally anyone. He charmed his way into my mom's heart in 2 days that she believed that I'll do better if I started hanging out with Theo. His parents always seemed to be caught up with some unending work that they were never really around and it seemed as though they don't care about him enough to be present in his life.

He was hitting the gym and it was showing in the way his biceps filled his shirt, he was tall enough to be a dreamy mocha popsicle that you would want to devour. He was so perfect that every time I looked at him in the very first few weeks I've always imagined how he'd look naked! But then as we got close, I suppressed my urges cos I didn't want to ruin our friendship atleast not for my Mom cos she was all for us becoming the thickest of friends.

Since his parents weren't around that much we would always end up in his place playing video games which had become such an addiction that after spending hours playing Vice City, it never seemed enough. It was just then that I had discovered my love for manga and anime - I realised that anime porn is a thing and wanted to watch anime porn just cos my earlier crushes were all cartoon characters who had stolen my youth away with their muscular bodies and their charm.

I remember vividly it was a Friday in Mid May and Theo looked at me and said 'You've never shared anything real with me. It seems that you come over just play the game and during which you don't speak cos your concentrating on the game. I think this friendship or whatever you want to call it is fake and it has felt fake for a really long time!'

I looked at him for the first time lifting my attention over to his lips which seemed to calling out my name. He was extremely hot but was getting sexier by the minute? He was mad and it was exciting for me. What should I do? He's still talking about this friendship being fake but I just want to kiss him and rip his clothes apart. Well let's try, may be I shouldn't! Look he lives next door and if he tells on me I'm done but then again 'passion is in the risk, right?' No I shouldn't! Should I?

'Look Theo, everything isn't what it seems. I try to escape my reality by playing Vice City here, let's not make this about being fake or something so creepy in the first place. If your not happy with me let me stop coming over!' I retorted back

Wait that wasn't what I wanted to tell him but then i said this instead. What's wrong with me?

Theo looked at me and said 'Escape Reality? Why?'
'You won't understand! Let's leave it at that please and let me either play the game or let me leave!'
'What's bothering you?' he asked
I wanted to shout and say 'You!', I wanted to kiss him to just shut him up but then I couldn't do that. I can just imagine how it could've been rather than ever doing anything about it.
'Nothing!' I said getting up, ready to leave only to realise that my pants could just give my real intentions away! I sat back down hoping that he didn't notice the tent in my pants.
'Have you had sex?' I blurted out
'Not yet but I know who I want to do it with' he said
'Is she someone I know?' I asked
'I think so, but it's complicated' he said
'Complicated, how?' I asked
'Firstly, why do you think it's a girl?' he asked
'What!? So it's a guy?'
He held my hand and took me into the bedroom and as I stood in front of the huge dressing mirror he asked 'Your a guy, aren't you?'
I said 'Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?'
'Your the one I want. I suck at Vice City, I only play it for you! From the moment I saw you there's this crazy itch to make you mine. I want to do things to you that you can only imagine happens in porn!'
'Haaa? Your crazy!' I said, hoping against hope that he would turn me around and kiss me but that didn't happen.
'Don't you feel anything towards me?' he asked
I turned around and looked at him and said 'Shut Up!' and kissed him.
That's the first time I was kissing a guy and it felt right! I could feel my heart melt away and then he responded back exploring my mouth, oh that feeling was driving me crazy! I wanted to rip his clothes off but then I didn't want to look desperate.

I ran my hands through his body and his scent was driving me up the wall. I tugged at his shirt and lifted it through and kissed him thorough the shirt before completely taking it off. I looked at that chiseled body that fluff of hair leading down, I wanted to see it all. I wanted to taste it for some odd reason then. It was the first time and I wanted this to be great. He was enjoying the attention. I slid my hands through his abs inside his pants - I have had wet dreams of doing this for quite sometime & I knew what I was doing! I struggled my way through the waist band of his underwear ending up brushing against his cock. It was huge, that's what I realised years later after seeing a slew of average to below average cocks but this one was huge, I pulled down the zipper when he looked up and said 'Stop, not so fast! Your fully clothed and your in a daze! Let's do this slowly, the first time needs to be memorable!'
'But I want to see how it looks' I said
'Patience!' he retorted back
'How long?' I asked
'In time' he said
'I'm not removing my hands from there ever' I replied
He laughed and we kissed again, I looked at him and thought 'he's so hot! Why did he fall for me!'
'Fall for me, it's just sex! It's not a relationship!' I thought
'A Relationship at 18, what a joke!' 'It's just sex, just the need of the hour and he's perfect for it!'
I wanted to tie him up, I wanted to dip him in chocolate sauce and rub myself against him all day long! I wanted to feel the pain of his gut wrenching pleasure, what I wanted was a concoction of orgasms served with a memorable aftermath!'