the last goodbye ; Carmuel.

the last goodbye.

"I'm sorry, Carla."

  For the third time in her life, Carla felt utterly stupid. The first time was when Polo cheated on her. Polo had been her boyfriend for five years, her first love. She never thought he was capable of hurting her. Not him. Betrayal always hurt more when it came from the people you did not expect.

The second time was when she poured her heart out to Samuel after finding out he registered her in a classroom and went to the police afterwards. They were playing a game of cat and mouse back then, but after the laughs they shared, after how good and happy he made her feel, Carla stupidly thought they could move on from what happened to Marina. That they could be together. She had been a fool because Samuel was not the kind of person to give up, and he would have done anything to bring his family back together and solve the enigma of his ex-girlfriend's death. It hurt, and she felt like a fool, but it could not compare to what she was feeling right now.

What did she expect, coming back here almost a year after leaving him outside the Teatro Barcelo? After months of pushing away, of turning words into blades she dug into his heart again and again? He did not know that everything she did was to protect him from suffering Christian's fate. He did not know her only concern was seeing him safe, even if it meant she had to be the one crushing his heart in a thousand pieces. When they finally had a chance to forget, everything blew up with Polo's death. And yet she still hoped. Stupidly, foolishly hoped.

They were young, and she lived in New Haven now. 5 655 kilometers separated them. It was too much for two eighteen years old who had a disastrous love affair that lasted four months. There was no real reason for her to hold on to the last words he said to her, he never promised anything, simply asked if she accepted visits. Something unrealistic. Samuel did not have the means to travel so far, and certainly not the time. If he asked, she would have been happy to fly him over, but he was too proud and stubborn to accept.

That was why Carla should not be surprised that he moved on.

The other girl was beautiful from what Carla was seeing from her spot at the door frame. Physically, they looked nothing alike. Carla's hair was long and golden, the girl's was short and raven-black. Her eyes were a dark shade, whereas her own were emerald green. The other girl seemed a bit fierce and confident. From the way she was leaning against the table, all comfortable and looking curiously at her, Carla could tell she had been here often. The thought made her clench her slim fingers over the straps of her designer bag. This  girl had been here for Samuel all year.

Unlike her.

Carla never texted Samuel. The last words on their Whatsapp conversation were "I'll wait for you after school." A text he sent just before she pushed him away for his own good.  Would anything be different now if her father had not showed up? If she had been able to go to Samuel, hug him and tell him she was sorry for lying in front of the judges? She would never know, but she could not fault the dark-haired girl for falling for him.

He was Samuel, so easy to love, with a smile that had the power to bring her to her knees, he was so prone to see the best in people. Of course, he was going to fall in love with someone else. If she expected it, why did it hurt so much? There was a pit in her stomach and she bit down hard on her bottom lip, trying to ignore the painful twisting of her heart. Seriously, what was wrong with her, showing up at his door without any warning after a year? As soon as he opened the door, and she did not see any spark of joy or love in his eyes, Carla knew. She knew she had been easily replaced. Carla could not blame him after all the hell she unleashed on him. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was Samuel, and it was all she could ever wish for him.

She remembered all too well another time she showed up at his door announced, covering her face with two hands. The smile he gave her then was carved in her soul, the memory kept her warm when she felt lonely on campus, making her insides burn and long for him when the nights were dark or when she was bored in class. He did not have that smile now, and the warmth was gone, replaced by an agonizing coldness. Carla wished she could the usual numbness associate to cold. Right now, she felt too much.