ecstasy | corpse husband

chapter 24.

his good girl.

looking at her in this moment feels like a needle is going through corpse's heart. he knows the situation all too well, of one person giving more than the other. he knows it because he's the one who always gives less. he can't help it, can't help who he is. he is convinced that he's incapable of that kind of love, for anyone. himself included.

more than that, though, he simply doesn't want it.

perhaps it's a defense mechanism against people like her. people who care too much, that is. people who love. he's well aware it's only a matter of time before someone like her gets disappointed by someone like him. one of them is bound to walk away dissatisfied. or worse, broken. he's seen it first hand.

"I'm sorry," he tells her, and he means it. he's sorry her boyfriend didn't reciprocate her affection, didn't love her the way she deserves to be loved. mason sounds like a shitty guy, but corpse knows he's no better.

more reason to distance himself from elowen, he thinks. he can be here as long as she needs him, as long as she's safe, but he won't let himself stay a moment longer. there will be a point where him being around will be more dangerous for her than being without him. his nightmare was a testament to that.

the girl in his lap softens at his apology, but only briefly before a wave of anger courses through her. It is pitiful what he did to her, mason, and she feels upset that it's corpse apologizing and not him.

"It's okay," she says instead. "because he's dead."

his eyebrows draw together in confusion, which she expected. "I would give you my condolences but I'm not sure you're all too sad about it yourself," he says quietly, perplexed at her bluntness. she laughs. "your head feels fuzzy, doesn't it?"

"how did you know?" her shock appears genuine.

"wild guess. also, you're not making any sense. I have to assume all the beer is making it difficult for you to get your thoughts in order. you said mason is your boyfriend?" as in, presently?

"I guess I should've specified, ex-boyfriend," she hardly explains. while it's true she never got confirmation that he died, she's convinced herself that he couldn't possibly have made it. all the signs point to deceased.

she knows mason—knew. If the circumstances didn't kill him, he would have.

despite the flicker of relief he feels at the revelation of his dead competition, this puts a damper on corpse's plans. If he's being honest, he had hoped for a buffer. with mason dead, there is technically no buffer. except—

"are you still in love with him?" he asks, and it's entirely too invasive but some part of him doesn't care. some part of him also hopes she'll forget about most of this conversation come morning.

elowen narrows her eyes, dubious. "am I still in love with a dead guy?"

"the last time you saw him, were you in love with him?" he rephrases the question, afraid of hearing the answer but needing it nonetheless; needs a tangible reason to not get too close.

there's a very long pause before she responds. he almost thinks she's fallen asleep, since she's closed her eyes again, but she's still there.

"very," she finally answers. contradictory to her words, she turns sideways and curls her body into the warmth of his. her balled fist rests on his lower stomach, gripping a bit of his shirt. he can't help the way his mouth goes dry.

he expected her answer, in less passionate words, yet it stings to hear all the same.

———