Jokes

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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.

Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn't press your luck.

People want to know which comes first so I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

Quinn said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.

I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.

What rock group has four men that don't sing?








Mount Rushmore.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!

What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!

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