two in a million,, tommyinnit.

xiv

"Hello, Tomathy!" I say, grinning slightly in relief. Finally. Someone who might understand.

"Red has a problem, and you are going to solve it," Dream tells him.

"No I'm not," he snorts. "Well... what is it?"

"I'm literally so nervous," I hiss, already cringing at how stupid it sounds. "Like, how do I do this? I haven't been to college at a different school before."

"Huh?"

"It's my first day too. And, well, I don't know how to deal with it all."

"Okay, well, what part of it?" There is a hint of anger, of disbelief, in his voice, and it bumps my relief down, but I try and ignore it.

"All of it. There's... people. Everywhere. And I don't know where to go or anything."

"Well, uh, I dunno, just ask someone?"

"Did you listen to a word I just said?" I say, exasperated.

"Sorry. But seriously, though, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," I whisper. My heart starts to beat, so loud that I am confused as to how no one else can hear it.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," Niki says softly. "Don't worry! Just follow the map and you'll be fine. Can we help?"

"I don't even know any more." My voice wobbles, but I brush off the fear and start to walk towards the staircase, my eyebrows furrowed in concentration as I follow the lines on the piece of paper in my hands.

"This is stupid," Tommy mutters.

"What was that?" I say, as sharp as the sudden pain in my chest.

"Oh, nothing, I just—"

"What? Think that mental health is stupid?"

"You know that's not what I meant." He chuckles nervously.

I clench my fists, all relief from his appearance gone in a flash. "Then what did you mean?" I say through gritted teeth.

"I..." He exhales. "I'm sorry. I just don't really know- I'm- look, it's really early, I didn't mean that, I'm just tired, I promise-"

"Just go," I sigh. Of course he doesn't get it  either. No one does. That's the issue with shit like this. You can try and try and make people understand, but they never do. It's always, "why?" and "just get over it already" and "you're just going through a faze." Well, if this faze is my whole fucking life then sure, I guess you're right.

"No, what? No, Red, I'm sorry, genuinely, I—"

"Please."

"Fine then." He hangs up instantly.

Tears of anger sting in the back of my eyes.

"You good?" Dream says softly, and I jump. I'd forgotten they were still here.

"Y-yeah." I scrub at my eyes furiously. "Keep talking. I... I'm nearly there now." That's a lie. I don't know where the fuck I am.

"You sure you still want us here?" Niki asks.

"Mm. Yeah." Another lie. All I want is to blast my music at full volume, to block out everyone and everything.

"Okay, well, uh, if you get nervous, just focus on happy stuff. Like, uh, oh, remember how close you are to 25k on Twitch! And how happy you'll be when you hit it!"

"Wait, you're at 25k?" says Dream, surprised.

"Yeah, nearly."

"Wow, um, congrats!"