My SM Journey

10

"Have you ever had vocal trainings before? Do you know how to breathe? Do you know what is projection? Use your diaphragm for goodness sake! How did you even pass the audition?" Were all the comments and questions that I have repeatedly been asked during my first vocal trainings with one of the strictest producers, Daniel Choi, in SM.

Of all my trainings, my manager has decided to come down for my vocal training and watched me get reprimanded by the producer for the 100th time, with a worried expression.

You can do this, fighting! He mouthed through the thick glass separating the recording studio from the editing side.

Breathe and do what you have learnt before. I kept comforting myself.

"EMOTIONS!" He shouted into the microphone, sending his deafening voice into my headphone. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS EMOTION? HAVE YOU EVER FALLEN IN LOVE BEFORE?"

"No, sir." I answered honestly. "I have never fell in love before."

Well, that shut him up. I smirked inwardly.

"22 years old and never been in love? I am sorry but you are pathetic. This girl needs help." He said while pointing at me to my manager.

"But there's a strictly no dating clause in my contract," I complained.

"Have you heard of underground dating? As long as you don't get caught by the public, SM is entirely fine with it."

"Really?" I asked innocently, suddenly feeling hopeful for my relationship with Sehun.

"Don't tell anyone I taught you that."

"Never," I promised.

"Let's end here early today. Go and fall in love." He pointed to the opposite studio where EXO was rehearsing for their second world tour stop in Beijing, China.

"EXO?"

"No, I meant their backup dancer. Of course it's EXO, little girl! They are the most eligible ones for your age now. Young and enegetic."

"Come on, I will bring you in," my manager offered. "It will be a learning experience for you too. To see how our artists train and prepare for their stage performance."

"Uhm, okay. But I looked really tired now, just give me 5 minutes to freshen up!" I said before running to the washroom without waiting for his reply.

When I came back, my manager told me that EXO were having breaks from their rehearsal. "You came back at the right time, let's go in for a short observation. Is that lipsticks I see?" He asked.

I nodded as I pursed my lips to make the lipstick colour more even. He sighed and commented, "girls." I pretended that I did not catch that and followed him into the room.

"Ah! Hyung! Are you here for observation? Hello Chaeyeonie!" Jongdae greeted excitedly. "We are just about to begin!"

Junmyeon (Suho) clapped and called out, "everyone! In your overdose position now!"

"Yes, hyung!" Replied everybody in unison.

We waited for them to get ready before manager oppa played their music. During their dance, I caught Chanyeol glancing in my direction. I tried to ignore it at first but it started annoying me when he kept glancing over so I looked at him and we made eye contact.

My heart skipped a beat and I felt myself burning suddenly. What on earth? I think I am blushing. I quickly looked away.

"Why do you look so red, my dear. Are you feeling okay?" Adrian oppa asked.

"Yes. I am fine," I replied without looking at him.

When they were done, I overheard Sehun asking Chanyeol, "Hyung, why are you ears so red?"

"It's my new piercing, I think it is inflammed," he lied.

"But hyung, you only pierced on your left ear. Your right ear is red too," Sehun insisted.

"It's probably nothing."

"Chaeyeon-ah, what do you think of our rehearsal?" Jongin asked.

"Do you want my perspective as a fan or as a professional?"

"Professional of course," Junmyeon answered.

"Well, the angles were slightly off for some of you at the back and the energy level was very different so the entire group looked messy. It is draining to watch the performance, in my opinion as a professional," I said and was responded with a sea of shocked faces. "However, as a fan girl, I see the light and charisma that EXO has and I am totally in love with the performance!" I added in an attempt to lighten the mood but it wasn't successful.

"Tha-thank you for your professional advice. We will work on that now," Junmyeon said.

Did I say it wrong? Am I supposed to praise them instead?

"You guys heard what Chaeyeonie said. Let's clean our angles again!" Junmyeon commanded. "Jongin, you will lead us in cleaning."

"Yes, hyung! First position now!" He replied.

"Let's leave now." My manager whispered and I followed him out to the hallway.

"I expect you to be more respectful to your seniors," he finally said once he made sure that the hallway was empty.

"But they said to give them my professional views!" I argued.

"That's not how this industry worked. Only the ones with authority have the rights to give professional comments. You are not. You are only a mere trainee. So I suggest you keep your comments to yourself the next time and give politically correct answers. You will thank me for this advice in the future."

"Okay, I will keep that in mind," I said while trying to get my equitable self from exploding into the law of justice and unfairness in this industry.

"Go ahead and meet up with your roommates for dinner. I will see you girls in the dormitory tonight."

"Yes, sir."

"Oppa," he corrected me.

I found Ziying sitting at one of the empty tables when I reached the basement level.

"Hey!"

"Sup there. So did you get murdered by the senior trainees yet?"

"Nope, at least not yet. I am still surviving. I think I can get passed today with no issue."

"I am not too sure about that," she said as she nodded at the cafeteria entrance. "Here comes trouble!"

The leader of the pack of mean senior trainees was none other than Kim Yejin. I have learnt from Stephanie that she was one of the longest trainees in history. She has been in SM as a trainee since 2005, which made her 10 years our senior in this industry. There were rumors that she was supposed to debut as Girls' Generation but was cut out after the first line-up change because she wasn't ready and that she was the ex-girlfriend of both Chanyeol and Jongin when they were trainees together.

"I saw the way you talk to our EXO oppas, I hope you will change it and show more respect for your seniors," she began as she arrived at our table. "You need to know your place."

I stood up, bowed and smiled politely, "yes senior. I will remember that with the bottom of my heart."

She looked stunned as though she was expecting some sort of retaliation from me but I am not going to give her that satisfactation. "Good," she said awkwardly and strutted away.

"Wow, suck up number one." Ziying said once the mean senior was out of earshot.

"It's called survival of the fittest. If I can't bring her down now, I will wait for the day to do so."

"You sound really scary, you know?"

I gave her my most innocent-looking smile and said in the sweetest tone, "I am lovely not scary, right unnie?"