This Is Life

Pregnant

"Yeah." We cuddled together for a while and then Donny went and made dinner for the two of us. "Love, how did your meeting go? It completely passed my mind as I was so focused on the pregnancy, and telling you."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot too. It went very well. We have another record deal."

"Aww Donny that's amazing. I'm so proud of you."

"It's all thanks to you. It's your song lyrics they love so much. Honestly the Donny Nova band would be nothing without you Julia. Nothing. You're what makes us successful."

"Baby, don't say that. It's you too, it's all of us. You're so incredible. Beyond incredible. Sure some of the songs are my lyrics, but you're the one writing the music, writing the charts for the other 5. It's the Donny Nova Band and you are Donny Nova. You're my Donny Nova. And I love you so much."

"I love you too Julia Trojan. My Julia Novitski." I smiled and pulled him into a loving kiss. It was slow and soft but heartfelt and meaningful. I was so endlessly in love with him. After pulling back we went and ate dinner together and I smiled.

"Donny. Can we try and maybe keep quiet about the baby for a bit. I want us to have the excitement between just us for a little while. Obviously the bigger I get the more obvious, but until then, can we keep this our little secret."

"Of course Julia." I smiled and then continued to eat.

~~~~~

20 weeks later. Julia is 30 weeks pregnant.

I sat in bed, staring at the letter in my hand and a photo Ma had taken of me once. I stared at it for what felt like hours as I held a hand to my stomach.

"Julia?" I looked up to see Donny looking at me. "You okay love? You've been up here, alone, all afternoon. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just looking through some things." I put the photo beside me along with the letter that never got sent to Michael. Donny came and sat beside me.

"How is our little one doing?" He said resting a hand on my very large 30 week pregnancy bump.

"Doing great. Lots of movement which is good." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm glad this one is doing okay. I don't think I could go though the pain again."

"Pain again?" Donny said suddenly.

"I said that out loud. Ohhh." I looked down and tears filled my eyes.

"Julia? Are you okay?"

"It was two weeks after Michael left for boot camp." I started. "I began to feel really sick and queasy a lot, like I was at the beginning with this little one. Another two weeks later Ma dragged me to the doctors and they did those horrible tests that use animals and I was told I was pregnant. Michael and I were having a baby. Just like we'd always dreamed of. Except Michael wasn't there. He was training, with you. I wrote this letter." I picked it up. And held it. "I told him everything, begging for him to be sent home to be with me. I was about to send it when I received his letter saying you were on your way to Fiji, and I knew I was too late. There was no way he'd be able to be home by the time I was due to give birth. However a few weeks after, before I ever got the address of where to write to, I lost the baby. I suffered a miscarriage. I did tell him, tell him I had been pregnant but lost the baby, but I guess he decided to keep that private from everyone else. He wrote pages upon pages telling me how much he loved me, how much he wanted to be there beside me to comfort me, how much he longed to be home in my arms, for us to mourn the loss of our child together, for us to grieve and then consider trying again. But then he never came home."

"I'm so sorry Julia." Donny said holding a hand out which I took and wrapped around me, wanting to be in his arms. "I didn't know."

"I didn't expect you to know. Which is why I was so cautious about everything those first few months. Because I was scared I'd lose another baby."

"I'm sorry he never came home to you, you never got to mourn that loss together, never got to have a baby with him. You should be here with him, his hands on your stomach."

"Don't say that Donny. You know I don't blame you for anything. I'm glad I'm here with you. And you know that. We both still miss him every day. I know we do. But the past is the past, and we have an amazing future to look forward to. With our baby." I took his other hand and rested it back on my stomach. "And losing that baby was for the best. I don't think I could have coped raising him or her alone, without their father, especially as he never came home. I couldn't bare the thought of that happening. Michael knowing he had a kid, he never got to see and he died leaving us both behind. It truly was for the best. And as I said, I'm right where I want to be now. I have you, I have Ma, I have this baby, I'm so lucky Donny. I'm lucky to have you."

"And I'm lucky to have both of you as well." We shared a soft and sweet kiss and I just smiled against his lips. "I love you Julia."

"I love you too Donny. You're my hero." I kissed him again and we spent the evening discussing the baby and plans for the future once the baby was here.