We are the sun and the moon

3

September:
I woke up to the sound of my door shutting. Ivy must've come in to grab something she left in my room. She comes into my room at least 3 nights a week to read, or write, or just to sit with me. I've taught her a few things on the violin so sometimes we just play together. I opened my eyes to see if I could see what she had taken with her, but I saw her sitting at my desk. She didn't leave, but had just come in. I saw a stack of books next to her. She also had the pen she always uses to write the notes in her books. I love watching her read and getting to see a phrase make her all giddy. She folds the paper down, writes a note, and just stares at the page for a minute with the biggest smile on her face. It's lovely. Although, I rarely get to see it right when I wake up.

She must've heard me sit up, as right then she turned to look at me. She was wearing her white sweater with her long lilac skirt. She had on her white sneakers and of course, her ribbon in her hair. I realised a while ago, she didn't wear the ribbons to match her outfit, but rather the mood she was in that day. Today she had on a light blue ribbon with a hint of green. She was happy. Her other ribbons with different colors, designs, prints all had more complex meanings. I had wondered why this one was so simple. She said it was because she wore it when it was easy to tell she was happy. Simple enough, just happy. I loved this ribbon. I smiled at her and moved to go brush my teeth and get dressed. I chose my fleetwood mac tshirt with my black plaid pants. I saw a ribbon sitting on my counter with a note. "If I am happy, you must be happy too. As we are more connected now than even we know. I rarely wear my simple ribbon. It must have something to do with you." It was a white ribbon with hints of lilac. She had matched her outfit to my ribbon. I wore the ribbon with pride and certainty I would have a hard time removing it later.

I waltzed back in the room as she was writing something in the margin of a book. I had shut the door with a soft click to let her know of my presence. As so not to startle her. She looked back and waved me over to her. She handed me the book she had been writing in and asked if I had read it with the most ridiculous, most endearing smile on her face. It was my book. The very one her note was in as a bookmark. I was really behind on my reading. Knowing she had seen the note I felt the sun rays hit my face directly- it was cloudy. She never told me which page she had written on. I suddenly felt the wish to read the rest of the book.

Suddenly, she stood up and walked to my bookshelf. She went through every book. I knew what she was doing. She knew she would find them. Each stuffed in a random book, marking a random page. Although, there was one page I feared she would find. It was the writing I had done in my reading lecture sometime last month. She picked up the book and it had fallen right into her hand. I felt the need to find the perfect book for that writing. It was titled We Are The Sun and The Moon.

Her eyes wandering over the paper. I had written it on my sketch paper, because loose leaf just wasn't good enough for those words. I never could bring myself to fold the paper, so there she was, in my room, reading every word I had written about her after just three days of knowing her. I wanted to tell her she wasn't allowed to read it. That I had put too much into it. But of course, I wanted her to know. I needed her to read it. As much of myself as I had put into the words, there was even more of her.

I was waiting. Waiting for a reaction. She had calmy read the words, put the book back on the shelf, and came over to me. She sat back down and started to tell me about each book she had brought in. She wanted me to pick one and read it, and then talk with her about it. ¨Like a book club¨ she had said. Saying no not crossing my mind even once with the way she was looking at me. I chose to read The Song of Achilles. She couldn't believe I had never read it before. She smiled, told me she was going to the library in a few hours, invited me along, and left my room.

Never did she bring up the writing. She never even looked over to my bookshelf again. I was scared. She acted as if it made no difference, but I'm certain she was acting a bit indifferent.

We had decided to go to the library a bit earlier, and on our way out of our room I noticed she had changed the ribbon in her hair. My heart is falling. It was red with little leaves all over it. She was mad. I wonder if I had made her mad by writing such words about her. She announced she left a book in her room and I had decided to take the ribbon out of my hair and toss it in my backpack. I had no interest in wearing it, but I wasn't quite ready to give it back.

We walked together down to the library and this is the first time I felt strange next to Ivy. I was ecstatic that we had avoided the strangers phase and just went to being close friends. I wasn't so sure that was a good thing now, as she was mad, i wasn't sure why, this hurt me, and she had just left me in the library to look around by myself while she did the same elsewhere. I chose to just walk around with no real intention of choosing anything. Which was very odd for me.

I was walking somewhere around the dictionaries when I ran into a boy. He introduced himself as Liam, and continued to ask about my major. I saw Ivy walking around with a few books and decided she would be ok to wait a few minutes while I had a conversation. We talked about majors, professors, friends and friend, single and single, looking and avoiding that subject- he moved on, straight and oh-

Of course I had thought about it. I just didn't know. I mean when I was younger if I had a crush, I just went for it and if it worked it worked. I guess it had never mattered before as they were all guys, but of course I knew I found girls pretty. Did I think they were attractive or did I just want to look like them myself? I mean I don't see myself with a boyfriend. I don't really see myself with anyone right now. I've just been hanging around with Ivy for the past month or so.

-Straight and unlabeled. He had never met a girl who didn't know. Offered to help me figure it out. I walked away with no response and chose to find Ivy. She had double the amount she had when I started the conversation. I walked over and she handed me the books almost immediately. I don't see why I need to worry about being with someone right now anyway. I have a good friend and we just work together.

She smiled at me and we went to check them out for her.
¨Ivy, honey, 3 per person, you know that¨
She left with all 10.

We spent the rest of the night reading outside under the trees with the rain falling softly around us. (Ivy had built a little patio for reading outside in the rain.) The top was red, the support beams white, the bottom blue with green spots, and little vines hanging down the side. She was very proud of the scenery. A mushroom. A pond. Her plants. It was very Ivy.